Notification of Lawsuit

October 27, 2009

All Media Outlets of America + President Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500

To Whom It May Concern:

Enclosed is a copy of the lawsuit that I have filed against you in a court of law on October 27, 2009.

The reason the lawsuit was filed was due to your completely overblown reporting about the H1N1 virus that has induced a hysteria amongst the American people that could only be likened to the manic state of my children when dinner is 30 minutes late.

Ever since my husband and oldest son have become the hapless victims of the heretofore mentioned virus, my entire family has been unapologetically discriminated against day and night.

I'm tired of my perfectly healthy daughter's babysitting jobs getting cancelled because her brother is sick. I'm tired of people not wanting to see ME, because I might have germs on me.

Basically, you either need to make some kind of proviso allowing entire families to be able to put their lives on hold for the duration of the illnesses of the people around them OR pay me a trillion dollars.

I prefer the trillion dollars, but if you choose the first option I will expect you to buy and deliver my groceries to my house and clean my fridge while you're here, pipe in closed-circuit tv of the kids' school classes so they don't get behind (heck--you should help them with their homework too since I might have germs on me), build a playset in my backyard so we don't have to go to the park, an exercise room in my basement for me, a check for lost babysitting wages for Cami, and an in-home office for Glen.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

Lara