Self-Care and Losing a Body Part

WARNING:  This post is a little more vulnerable than usual and may contain TMI. 

 I'll be totally honest here, watching my Dad's health decline over the last few years before his death was really hard on me!   I struggled watching him suffer and I worried....A LOT...about what I could do to prevent some of the lifestyle related health issues in my life that plagued him.   In reflection, I think it might have even sparked a bit of a mid-life crisis in me (still ongoing).   

I've worked really hard over the last several years to make exercise a daily part of my life and to make most of what I eat nutritionally dense and minimally processed.   I'm not perfect at it, but I've come a long way and think that, for the most part, I'm doing my part to keep my health in check.  

Having said that though, I'm one who knows all too well that, despite all of our efforts,  health is often something out of our control.    I really dislike going to the doctor , but have been trying to make sure I'm covering my preventative health bases with a colonoscopy last year, regular teeth cleaning, doctor checkups, and yearly mammograms.   I haven't found a new dermatologist yet, but that's also on my list of doctors to find here in Utah soon.    

This past summer I started experiencing some unpleasant "female issues", which went beyond the normal issues that were inconvenient, but could be ignored.   A 9-centimeter fibroid was discovered, and,  as the summer progressed, my symptoms worsened (landing me twice in the ER) and it soon became clear that, there was no amount of healthy living that would make an ounce of difference in this case, and it was time for my uterus to be evicted for good.   

After a lot of back and forth, we settled on December 7th for the surgery date.   It was after my Christmas RS activity, after Cami's graduation, before Christmas enough that I'd have time to get over the worst part of my recovery before Christmas, and the timing gave me lots of happy distractions to keep me engaged while I was laid up.  

But, first, I had to squeeze in my yearly mammogram, which did not go as smoothly as planned.   I've been told that I have "dense breasts" ever since I started having mammograms, but the past few years, they've also become "cystic".    A couple years ago, they had to do a bunch of follow-up testing on the left side and that's what happened again this time.    Two days before my surgery, I had to go in for further imaging--including ultrasounds on the left side.   Once again, I was told that they were harmless cysts, but I'm glad it's been looked at and declared innocent.   Afterwards, I met Ellie and Emma at BYU and walked around in the snow with them.  

In the weeks leading up to my surgery, I experienced some pretty high anxiety and had to talk myself down from several "worst case scenario" trains of thought.   My state of mind was overwhelmed and scared, however,  the day before the surgery, I felt peace.   I'm sure that part of it  was just having the RS activity and the follow-up mammogram (both high stress things in and of themselves) out of the way, but it went beyond just that.   I definitely felt a peace beyond understanding that calmed my fears and helped me to go into the surgery with an overarching sense of  "everything will be okay".   

So I went in for my surgery at Riverton Hospital at 5:45am on December 7th.   Everything went more smoothly than even the doctor expected (meaning it was the least invasive form of the surgery possible) and I was pleasantly  surprised when I was cleared to go home the same day.  I ended up staying overnight because of some nausea, but it was nice to know that I could have gone home.  The doctor ended up telling me that I had a very "cooperative" uterus (at least that's what my post-surgery brain heard) and that it was unusual to be able to remove that enlarged of a uterus without making any abdominal incisions.  The pathology report said my uterus ended up  weighing about 500 grams and was 16 x 12 x 7 centimeters large.  

Glen has been in the middle of a very stressful season at work, so he headed home after I got settled in for the evening.  I didn't expect to stay long the next day, but we woke up  to several inches of snow that had fallen overnight and I-15 Northbound being totally closed for a oil tanker crash that had occurred overnight.   Eventually, Spence got off work and was able to circumnavigate around the closed freeway to come pick me up.   

It was nice to be home and to have an excuse to lay low for a while.  I finished up my Christmas cards and did a whole lot of online Christmas shopping.  

Kind people from the ward brought me meals for a few days and the kids have been knocking themselves out to be helpful ....

I was grateful for Zoom church on Sunday...

I enjoyed  texts with sweet pictures from Cami...

I always get a little giddy about fun mail, especially at Christmas time, but I  have to admit that my excitement level since my surgery has risen to the point that it could almost be considered an obsession....  

I smiled and laughed at some funny (and practical) gifts from my mom / sisters...

And one of my favorite parts of all were some  visits from old friends, especially since I am still searching for my people here in Utah and it felt good to feel loved and remembered....

It's been just over two weeks from my surgery now and my recovery has been surprisingly smooth.  My pain is lessening every day and I am happy to be able to walk a few miles every day now.  I'm definitely moving slowly and have to be cognizant of how my body is feeling, but overall I am pleased with how it's going.     

Only about four more weeks until I can lift heavy things and exercise more intensely again.  IN the meantime, I'm excited to have Emma home and for Cami, Garrett, and Lucie to arrive later this week.   It's nice to have lots of helpers in the house and to have a good excuse to let the little things go and just be.   

Merry Christmas my friends!    

Cami graduated!!!!

Once upon a time {approximately 7-1/2 years ago},  a girl graduated from high school with a sparkle in her eyes and her head filled with anticipation at the bright future that lay ahead for her.   She attended BYU for 2 semesters  where she got straight A's and accepted into the nursing program.  Then she started dating her future husband before heading off on an 18-month mission to France.   

She had a wonderful mission and came home eager to continue her relationship with Garrett, who had just graduated from BYU and was heading off to attend medical school at the University of Texas-Austin.   They were engaged before long and married shortly thereafter.   

Cami was too late to get into the University of Texas at that point, so she started back to school at the local community college.   Thus began "the grand run around".   The community college would not accept her credits from BYU, despite the fact that she had a 4.0 GPA.   She then embarked on retaking all of her general eds, in hopes that she could transfer to U.T. the next year.   But the U.T. nursing program doesn't like transfer students and she was informed that they only very rarely accept transfer students from anywhere, so despite her continued 4.0 GPA, they turned her down.    

She went to another year at the community college, but still really wanted to get a bachelor's in nursing.  She applied to a few other schools, besides U.T., and against all odds was finally accepted to the University of Texas...where she had retake classes again.

Then came along a sweet little baby.  

And then Garrett got matched to a medical residency in Birmingham, which meant that they had to live in different cities for her last semester.  

But despite all these odds....she finished.   

On December 3rd, Cami graduated from the University of Texas-Austin with a bachelor's degree in nursing.   

I had a big Relief Society activity I was planning on November 29th and my surgery scheduled for December 7th, but we were excited to squeeze in a quick trip to Austin and celebrate this accomplishment with her in person.

It was a very quick trip, but we wouldn't have missed it for the world! 

I very much enjoyed the bonus opportunity to snuggle this little sweetie as much as I could, especially since I won't be able to hold her (because of my surgery) when she's here for Christmas.   

{NOTE:  That photo may be one of my very favorites ever taken of me.}   

We took lots and lots of photos....

Lucie was completely exhausted by the end of all the graduation / photo taking festivities, but we were still able to finagle some sweet smiles out of her.  She is a baby who loves attention, action, and being with people.  Maybe one our family's first true extroverts?    

It's probably too early to make any of those kinds of declarations, but one thing's for certain, Lucie is certainly destined to be a little smarty pants.   

WE enjoyed the opportunity to visit Austin one last time and to spend a quick weekend celebrating with Cami, Garrett, and Lucie!   

 We are so proud of our Cami Rose--for her tenacity, hard work, and ability to balance life, motherhood, school, church callings, etc.   WE love her!  

Our RS Christmas Activity

 In August I was called to be the activities coordinator for the ladies at our church. The calling came at a time when I was just recovering from some of the craziest few months of my entire life (losing my Dad, having some pretty big outside commitments, supporting my Mom, sending Adam off on a mission, and experiencing some not-serious-but-not-to-be-ignored health issues).  In addition to all that, it's a calling that plays on a lot of my deepest insecurities.  For whatever reason, I've never felt confident at planning and executing events.  I'm a great helper at those types of things, but as soon as I feel like it's "up to me" to make whatever is being planned appealing, engaging, meaningful, fun....whatever the goal is...I get super intimidated and feel like I'm being judged.  It's definitely a me-problem, not anyone else's fault.  

  Not one to shy away from a challenge though, I accepted the calling in hopes that I would eventually find joy in it and that maybe somewhere along the way I would be able to make a difference.  

But....to add to the intimidation factor, there was no committee to help me at first and the presidency member called to work with me had a death in the family literally the same week I was called, which basically meant I was on my own.  And I'm still new in the ward, so I don't know people all that well, don't know traditions, and don't know the culture here.   Pretty much all things that added to my insecurities times a million.   

 I did my research and decided that a getting-to-know-you activity was the perfect way to kick off a new school year.   I cobbled together, what I thought was a very successful and fun activity, for October, coordinating with the RS president when I needed to, but trying not to burden her.    Over 40 people showed up, we got to know each other a little better, and I had many compliments afterward that it was one of the best activities they'd been to in a long time.   

Whew!   My relief was HUGE that I had pulled off a well-attended and meaningful activity pretty much by myself.    By this time, there was a new RS presidency in place AND I'd been given a couple people to work with on a planning committee, so my stress level was decreasing somewhat.   I was still intimidated by doing this month after month, but it definitely was starting to feel more manageable at this point. 

Me and my new committee got right to work on planning the Christmas activity.    Once again, I felt a little intimidated not knowing the "ways of the ward" and how they like things to happen, but we went forward with planning, with a few changes from last year, and came up with what seemed like a solid plan for moving forward.    We made invitations and sign-ups and started making things happen.   

We had a few little hiccups/drama along the way, but I think the night came together beautifully...

My committee was AMAZING at making things happen!   

The decor was inexpensive and lovely...

Ladies from the ward volunteered to host a table--making each one beautiful and unique....

There were 60ish people in attendance....

The dinner was PERFECT, though sadly I got no pictures of it.  A lady in our ward has a catering business, so she made pork tenderloin with apricot sauce, hasselback potatoes, salad, rolls, and cheesecake all on her own.   Everything was delicious! 

And I think the activity / message was meaningful, despite the changes I made.   I shared a message at the beginning on being kind and about the angels among us....

and during the activity we had people read off instances when people in the ward had been blessed by others in the ward.  ( I had collected the experiences beforehand). 

The RS president finished off with a beautiful message and everyone left with a little angel ornament for themselves or to share with an angel in their lives. 

Overall, I think that the night came off very well and it was  a HUGE relief to have it done a whole week before my surgery.  I felt my stress level drop significantly when it was done and now I have until February before the next activity!   I wouldn't quite say that I love the calling yet, but my confidence has definitely increased somewhat that I can actually make a difference.

Just a Little Chat about the Weather

 I spent most of my growing up years in the frozen climes of Minnesota and when I came to BYU as a new college student (30ish or so years ago), I considered Utah winters to be way on the wimpy side.  I remember getting all bundled up in my winter clothes at the first sign of winter and being a sweaty mess by the time I got to campus.  I remember crying literal tears when I had to put my winter coat back on when I headed home to Minnesota at the end of the semester.  

But then I spent the next quarter of a century living on the East Coast  (that would be Virginia for 20 years, Maryland for 2-1/2, and Pennsylvania for 2 years, in case you're keeping track).     The Mid-Atlantic region is a land of four seasons that stick pretty close to where they're supposed to be on the calendar.   The summers were certainly hot and humid, but the falls and springs were mild and gorgeous, and the winters cold, but not too cold.    I'll be the first to admit that we definitely complained about the weather sometimes, but, honestly, I grew to believe that Mid-Atlantic weather was the way seasons are supposed to be.   

Then we moved here to  Utah and I had this naïve notion that, besides the lack of humidity, that the weather was pretty similar to out East.  But I remembered wrong.   Springs and falls here seem to  last all of a couple weeks, while the summers and winters are intense and long.  I know  I'm tainted by my 25 years of living with 4 seasons and a lot of people love the long winters here, but the weather is just one more thing that's made it  a  bit of a tough adjustment for me here.   

I'm trying to embrace and enjoy the fact that I  live in a place where it starts snowing in October and our morning walks most of the way through November were in sub-20 degree temps, but I am struggling a bit.  I find myself checking the weather app and nostalgically reminiscing on what it was like to have temps in the 50's  most of the way through November.   

 When it turned wintry in October this year and we had our first real snowstorm at the beginning of November, I'll be honest that I was pretty annoyed at being gypped of my proper 3 months of fall.   

But, trying to see the bright side of things, we did discover that snow and fall leaves do make for a picturesque combination...

We took a little trek up the canyon and enjoyed walking around for a bit...

 

I especially was enamored with the snow on the brightly colored leaves...

Our pups quite enjoyed the little snowy adventure...

And the beauty of it did make my heart happy...

But then I was ready for fall to come back again....

It didn't.