In a Galaxy Far, Far Away

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, the Crain clan lived on an ice-covered, desolate planet called Minnesota (also known as "Elsa's lair" to some small tykes). This frigid wasteland is known for its periods of great coldness and frequent attacks by rebel snowflakes that hale from the evil galactic empire, known as Canada. The warm-hearted and cold-eared inhabitants of Minnesota are known to don layer after layer of turtlenecks, sweaters, long johns, doubled-up socks, and thick outerwear in an effort to ward off the sinister icy rays of the weak Minnesotan sun. However, even with their seemingly impenetrable woolen armor, it often still isn't enough to keep the death star's ice crystal rays from conquering their nose hairs in crunchy arctic mayhem.

Eventually, with the support of the Republic {of Dad's Job}, the Crain clan escaped the clutches of the evil frozen Minnesotan empire, which while actually full of very nice people, was too full of the dark side every evening starting at approximately 16:00 each day. Too bad the force of the dark side proved to be too strong and the clan's Jedi-like teaching-the-gospel-skills were needed to bring light into more frozen galactic lairs. Siberia, Ukraine, Germany, St. Petersburg, Moscow. Try as they might, the clan kept finding themselves drawn back to cold, desolate lands to lead brave resistances to the sinister {and very cold} dark side.

Today, in a very nearby galaxy, you will find the Crain clan in more restorative climes with nary a frozen nose hair to be found. Is there some long lost droid out there that contains messages to lead them to more frozen adventures? Maybe. But he'll have to find them first.

by Lara (of the Crain clan)