A Funeral, an Injury, and Another Unexpected Trip

A few weeks ago, my grandmother, Doris/Nana, passed away.   She was 96-years-old and had been super healthy and energetic up until just the last couple of years.  She lived in my parents' basement for about a decade and just moved to a care facility a few miles from our home after my Dad passed away in 2022.   Having her live with my parents meant I got to know her better than I ever could while she'd lived in Oklahoma City for all the years before.  

I got to know what an amazing cook she was...always offering to feed us...even in the last couple weeks of her life.   Her specialties were  hearty breakfasts, which usually consisted of bacon, eggs, homemade biscuits, and gravy.   Our family enjoyed many a delicious morning in Nana's lair while she spoiled us.   She is also very generous and always had a gift to offer to whomever came to visit her.  

My Dad was her oldest child (and I am the oldest child of my parents), so it was an amazing thing that we got a 5 generation shot before my Dad passed away.  It's not many people who get to meet their great-great grandchildren!   

She also got to meet Oliver...

   I felt blessed to be able to live close over the last few years, so I could drop by her care facility on a semi-regular basis.    I will never forget how she kept asking if we needed anything and wondering if she could make us some food up until the last week or two of her life.   

She had raised her family in Oklahoma City and lived there until about 2013 (?), when she came to live with my parents.    My granddad was buried there in OKC and it made sense to hold her funeral there in the city she called home for so many years. 

Four of my siblings and my mom were able to fly out to the funeral.  

  

It was amazing being able to see so many long lost cousins I hadn't seen in many years...  

And other extended family as well --aunts, uncles,  2nd cousins, and even Nana's 90-year-old sister {not shown}!

 I had arrived into town on Friday around  lunchtime and left just a few hours after the funeral was over on Saturday, so I could get back for my talk in sacrament meeting the next day.

We didn't have very long together, but I was grateful for the time we did have.   |

The day after the funeral, my Mom, sister, Heather, and brother, Matt, drove back to Dallas for their flights home.  Tickets in and out of Dallas were MUCH cheaper than from OKC, even with the car rental and hotel added in.  I almost certainly would have gone that route too, except I needed to get back for my talk.  It was there in Dallas my sister, Heather, had an epic fall on an uneven sidewalk at the hotel they were staying at.  It was a bad fall that involved a couple of broken bones, missing her flight home, and an emergency surgery the next day.  

Thus began a new crazy adventure that involved another surgery to remove all the crazy external hardware they placed to stabilize everything before the actual repair...

2+ weeks in the hospital and in-patient rehab center...

and some round robin trips to Dallas amongst us siblings to stay with her and help her out.    Matt took the first couple days, then AnnaLisa flew out, then I came for Monday to Friday....

And made sure to get myself and Heather some Torchy's a few times...

Then Kristina arrived later in the day I left to take the final shift and fly home with her (after a full two weeks of being stuck there)!   

IN amidst all this, we had to figure out how to get my Mom back home.  She was supposed to fly back with Heather, and since she gets easily disoriented, we knew there was no way she could navigate an airport by herself.   Eventually we arranged for to be accompanied straight to the gate in Dallas, then I met her in the airport in Provo, which thankfully is a very small airport.  

Mom was totally fine.   

Heather is now home.  

And life remains as off-beat as  a good plotline  for an  episode in Crazy Town!  

All In A Few Days

You may have noticed that between our new callings, Emma's graduation, the work conference in Saint George, and our trip to Alabama, it's been pretty go go go around here the last several weeks.    I had hopeful visions that things would calm down a bit once we returned from Alabama, but that has not been the case yet.    

I arrived back home on a Wednesday night to an empty refrigerator, boatloads of laundry to do, and a somewhat messy house after being gone for 2 weeks (4 days in Saint George, then 10 days in Alabama).    I also had a funeral program to design (see below) and print by Thursday and book group to get ready for hosting on Thursday night, plus a busy weekend ahead, which pretty much meant there was not a moment of downtime before I had to go go go again. 

BOOK GROUP
 I LOVE my book group!   They are fantastic people that I am lucky to call my friends, so I totally don't mind hosting every month, even if sometimes it feels like a lot.    Luckily I was able to talk Emma into coming up for a couple hours to help me clean and make refreshments, which took the edge off of this crazy day. 

BACK ROW L-R:  Julie D, Nancy G, Kelly D, Emily G, Mary J, Heather P, Andrea C
FRONT ROW L-R:  Susan T, Me, Carrie W, K'Lynn W

A FUNERAL
My Aunt Valerie passed away while we were in Alabama.  She never married, so it was her sisters (including my Mom) helping to plan the funeral.   I was asked to make the funeral programs...something I was happy to do!  

The funeral was on Friday, so I needed to finish designing and printing them by Thursday, so they'd be ready for Friday.   Luckily I have found a good local printer that was able to do them same-day.  I ran to the grocery store to do a quick restock of the fridge while I was out picking up the programs.

  The funeral went great, except that I forgot to tell Glen that he was giving the family prayer.  I had been asked about it while I was still in Alabama and just plain didn't thoroughly read the text they sent  and then couldn't communicate to Glen something I skipped over.  It was a bit embarrassing as everyone was waiting for him and it was 100% my fault.   😳 Oops.  Besides giving the family prayer, Glen also led the music.  Emma gave the life sketch.   This was us at the funeral. 

  My Mom and 3 of her remaining sisters (one was too sick to come) immediately went to Star Valley after the funeral for the burial.  

 

MY SISTER AND NEPHEW

Speaking of sisters...my sister, Kristina, town for the funeral too. 

She also brought Jesus, who decided he wants to be called J  now. Denali was LOVING all the extra attention J  was giving her...

And J was LOVING all the one on one attention he was getting here without any of his siblings to compete with.   We read lots of books and let him pick the movies  (Frozen and Pete the Cat), which his brothers would never let him watch. 

I'll be honest...I was also quite LOVING the bonus time with this sweet little guy, since I was in serious Lucie and Oliver withdrawals  at that point! 

WEDDING RECEPTION
On Saturday night, after a busy day of doing all of our Saturday things,  we went to the wedding reception of a friend of Emma's from PA. Emma didn't live in PA for very long, but Katie left on her mission within a few weeks of  Ems and both got reassigned to SLC missions during COVID, so they connected that way.  I grew to really love Katie's Mom, Elizabeth, who was one of our bright spots from PA, after the very awkward social experience we had in the first ward we lived in while we were there.   We didn't take any pics at the reception and we actually didn't get a chance to talk to the L family for very long, since they were a bit distracted with lots of wedding stuff, but it was great to see their happy faces and celebrate with them. 

A VERY LONG SUNDAY
One Sunday a month, we wake up extra early and head to stake meetings that start at 7:30am.   But since it's about 35 minutes to get there and we have to find parking on campus, we have to leave around 6:50am and we don't get home until about 3:00pm.   The Sunday after we got home from Alabama was one of those long days, but luckily  Kristina was leaving from the Provo airport, so she dropped by right after our ward ended to say goodbye!   It was fun for Kristina to see a glimpse of what we're doing in the YSA ward now and it was fun that Emma could run over and greet Kristina as well.  I laughed when I offered to pick J up for the picture and he immediately flopped over in my arms like a baby!  Silly boy!     

A BUSY WEEK
By the time you'll read this post, we'll have prepared talks for this Sunday, had a kid break a bone in two places (a post for another day),  and been down to BYU FOUR  separate times  for various ward activities (it actually ended up 6/7 days).  

 

And, yet, here I am blogging, because, you know, priorities...

💗

My Dad: Moments Not to Forget

Early in June, my Dad was placed on hospice care.

This move was emotionally wrenching and somewhat unexpected, but ultimately proved to be a blessing for my family.   The hospice company provided items that made him staying at home more comfortable than it would have been otherwise and it was a relief not have to take him back and forth to the hospital so regularly.    In addition, the nurse's and CNA's regular visits to help with his care significantly reduced the day-to-day burden of those living at my parents' house. 

In the weeks following the hospital stay when  the doctor first suggested that he be placed on hospice care, my Dad's health seemed to improve.  For the next few weeks, he had more energy and was more interactive than he'd been in a long time.   Our family gathered together for Father's Day, presented him with a booklet of memories and notes that people had sent to him, and took family pictures.   It was a tender time and we were grateful to be able to spend that time together.  

Shortly thereafter, the out-of-towners went home and our daily lives kicked into full gear.   I had YW camp and a roadtrip to Alabama with Cami that kept me busy, but I helped  my Mom research and decide on a funeral home, helped facilitate communication with my Dad's family, and helped in person as much as I possibly could.  

On Thursday, July 7th I took off with Cami and Lucie to Alabama.   These pictures were taken the morning I left and were the last pictures I have of him awake...

  Along the way, we stopped in Denver to visit Glen's family....

 

and in Oklahoma City to visit my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Mary...

  I kept in touch with my family several times a day along the way.  On Friday, the report was that he was eating better and actually keeping food down.   They were hopeful that this might help his energy level.  However, on Saturday, they reported that he had a low-grade fever and seemed fatigued. We arrived to Birmingham on Saturday night, still hopeful that the fever was a fluke and that he'd bounce back.   Then on Sunday, things started going downhill quickly.  I enjoyed being in Birmingham with Cami, Lucie, and Garrett as much as I could, but I was starting to get worried about him passing while I was away. 

On Monday, things were even worse.  He'd started experiencing some pain (something  that had been only fleeting up until that point) and the pain meds were knocking him out so much that he was barely waking at all. It was a catch-22. Every time they reduced the meds, he moaned in pain.   With the meds, he slept peacefully, but wouldn't eat or drink.  I was scheduled to come home on Tuesday anyway, but moved my ticket up a few hours to get home as soon as I could. 

I arrived to the SLC airport on Tuesday afternoon, at the same time as my sister, Kristina, arriving from California.  We rushed to see my Dad.  We were relieved to have arrived when we did, but, unfortunately, we were never able to interact with him again.   He looked like he'd aged 20 years in the four days I'd been gone and it honestly didn't even look like Dad anymore.  It was clear the end was close.  We stayed nearby him that evening and talked as a family (everyone but Pete and Matt were there).  He now required round-the-clock care with someone to shift his position, check his oxygen levels and heartrate,  and administer medications when necessary.  Kristina and I decided we'd take the next night's shift, so we headed home to get a good night's rest that night.   Neither of us slept much.

I got the phone call the next morning that he'd passed around 6:40am.  😢

Next came the real whirlwind.  I accompanied my Mom to the funeral home we'd picked out to work out all the details. I wrote the obituary (with the input of several of my siblings).  I helped my Mom dress my Dad for the casket. I created and printed the funeral programs. I wrote and delivered a talk at the funeral.   And I didn't sleep much.

  Here are some of the  moments I don't want to forget:  

• The night before his funeral, there was a gorgeous full double rainbow visible from my house and my parents' house.  It totally felt like a love note from Dad. 💗
  
  
  
  
  

• My kids were able to gather from their various locations and be present for a few hours for the funeral. Cami and Lucie flew in from Birmingham.  Spence took the day off of work and came up.  Adam took a day off from his FSY counselor job and we picked him up from Ephraim.  Ellie was a participant at FSY at BYU for the week, so we checked her out for the day and brought her home.  Emma is still home with us for another couple weeks before fall semester at BYU begins, so she was the only one who didn't have far to come. 
  
  
  

• All 18 grandkids (and Lucie) sang, "Families Can Be Together Forever" and Lucie had a huge smile and waved at people the whole way through.   She was quite the charmer and it was light-hearted levity for a serious occasion. {I really, really wish we had a picture of this}
  

• My talk was entitled, "Life Lessons I Learned from My Dad." I was the last family speaker and a lot of my content was mentioned by other people before I got to it, thus I was tasked with trying to think on my feet and embellish on what I'd written down.  Thinking on my feet is NOT my strong suit, but I think it went okay.

• Emma sang, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and did an absolutely beautiful job! 

• Glen and Tom sang, "The Lord is My Shepherd."   It was a lovely arrangement and they did great!
  
  
• Cami gave the closing prayer in French.  My Dad  always loved to hear people pray in their mission languages and I think he would have LOVED it! 
  

• The funeral went longer than we expected, but it was great to hear from so many people sharing memories of him. 

• The cemetery where he was buried was literally across the street from the church where his funeral service was held. 
  
  
• I loved how the programs turned out.  I didn't think I would have the time to make them myself, but ultimately I knew I would be disappointed by anyone else making them.   It was therapeutic to step away from writing my talk and the busy-ness for a bit and use my creative side. 
  
  
• His casket was BYU blue and had BYU emblems along the side.  It was very Dad and we know he would have approved (though he was 100% in denial that he was dying until a few days before he passed). 
  
  

• My Dad served in the US Army when I was a small child and was given military honors at his burial.  Military honors meant a flag was draped over his casket that was then folded and presented to Mom; they also played Taps and did a 21-gun salute.  This was a very meaningful experience and I think it meant a lot to my Mom and all of us kids.
  
  
  
  
• Right before the military did the 21-gun salute at the burial, Isaiah (my 6-year-old nephew) asked loudly and with great concern in his voice, "Why are they going to shoot Grandpa?!"   😆
  
  

• A luncheon was held at the church after the burial.  The food was delicious and, very fittingly, they served Mountain Dew for the drinks.
  
  
  
  
• It was amazing to see so many long-lost friends and relatives in the few weeks before he passed and at the funeral.  There were some I don't think I'd seen in 30-ish years or so.  These visits lit my Dad up like a little kid and we loved seeing him joke around and reminisce with old friends.  
  Brother Charlesworth was from our ward in Minnesota...
  
  

• I've had a house full of guests (I think we were up to 18 at one point) and, though my house is a disaster, it was a delight to have so many loved ones surrounding us during this crazy time.  Our house is just starting to empty out now and it feels too quiet.  
  

• My Mom and sister have been sick.   I think they were running on adrenaline for so long and now that that's worn off, their bodies are crying out for rest. 

We've appreciated every card, every text (even if I haven't responded), every FB message, and every hug.  Thank you to so many who have extended their love to us at this time.

***********************************

Here are a few more pictures we don't want to get lost in the shuffle: 

The flowers my Mom received...

Maybe the last picture with Dad, Matt, and Pete...

Great-Uncle Nate and Lucie

Lauren, Emma, Mom, Ellie, and McKenzie

The viewing... we thought the world map hanging there was very appropriate.   

My Mom and her sisters...

Glen's brother came to the funeral and his Dad drove in from Denver for it...

I LOVE this picture of Spence and I from right after the burial...

Lucie saying goodbye to Adam for the next two years.  Adam leaves on his mission in about 3-weeks. 

Another "see you in two" picture....

Adam was only home for a few hours before he needed to get back to his FSY counselor job, but that didn't stop him from putting together some Legos with his cousin, Jesus! 

 

We love having young nieces and nephews to dote on...

 

 

 After the luncheon was over, we took Ellie back to Provo and Adam back to Ephraim. 

Emma bidding Cami and Lucie farewell before they took off back to Alabama....

Our last family pictures--taken Father's Day 2022...

Stephen Crain

1949-2022

WE MISS YOU, DAD!