Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Stepping Back?

Those of you who are faithful followers of our blog know that we have been having some serious issues with almost every major modern convenience that we have in our house (i.e. fridge, garbage disposal, washer, dryer, phone, computer, forks, knives, butter churns, etc.). I spent hours crying and seriously pondering what might be the cause of all these problems. . . and what potential solutions are available to us. About two weeks ago, Glen and I came up with the perfect solution. Glen was able to find a hundred acres of beautiful mountain property in West Virginia, so we quickly put it under contract. Then, about a week ago, we put our house on the market. Ever since, I have been busy buying overalls, straw hats, hand guns, rifles, ammo, gardening supplies, pink flamingos and gnomes, a metal bathtub (for the front yard), ducktape and as many country musics CDs that we can find. We traded in our minivan for a pickup truck and the Corolla for a 1982 Camaro. Glen, Spencer, and Adam are each under strict directions to grow out a mullet as soon as possible. It may sound crazy, but Glen and I have been discussing moving to a smaller town for quite some time and trying to live off the land. We figure with the number of problems we have with technology, it may make our life a whole lot easier.

We have decided the hills of West Virginia may be the perfect place for our family. Our main goals with our move to West Virginia are:

1. Teach our kids the value of hard work. No more playing the Wii, listening to their ipods, or having any other type of fun.

2. Avoid cleaning -- really what is the point of sweeping up a dirt floor.

3. Grow all of our own food. We have already purchased a happy cow from California named Bessie off craigslist that should be arriving shortly.

4. Save a ton of money, so we can make sure our kids get the best junior high education that money can buy. Our goal is to make sure that each of our kids get at least a 10th grade education.

Wish us luck. We will miss all of you very much! Feel free to come visit anytime -- we will make sure we have a few extra clean hay bales in the barn waiting for you.

30 comments:

Mathias Ray Crain said...

I cannot believe it, Karey and I are doing the exact same thing. We got sick of looking at apartments in Maryland, so we decided that commuting from West Virginia would be the best option. We looked at that same house, but it was too rich for our blood. We are going to live in a tent for a couple of years to save up for nice place like that one.
I went today to change Lincoln's name to Billy Bob, so he will fit in better. We also want to start denying Billy Bob of fun as soon as possible before he gets used to it. Speakin' of wich, I shoulds start practicin' my drawl.
See ya'll around the hitchin' post.
Mathias Ray, Karey Beth, and Billy Bob

K said...

Oh, this is soo fantastic. When I put that cow on Craigslist, I never realized that my own sister would buy it. You need to take good care of Bessie, she has been a good cow, but she bit Madeline and I had to put my foot down.

Lara said...

Okay I totally take back my comment in the previous post. Emma does NOT win the prize for the best April Fools joke! One of my jokester siblings takes that prize!

Pete said...

I have some extra ammo that I can sell you. Also we will need to bring the girls out to teach them about hard work. Whenever I ask them to cook me dinner or lift heavy stuff, they always pretend like they are not capable of it.

annalisa said...

Can I still live with you? I promise to help out.

Emma said...

I think that when we have a dirt floor, there will be real mice under our table.

Mirien said...

Wow, Lara!! I have to say that I am quite surprised! You'll have to let us know how it goes, because Brian and I have been considering a similiar option.

Mom said...

Are you sure that you don't to buy land in Missouri? It is cheaper and ultimately where you want to end up.

Steve-Rosanna said...

Are you sure that you don't just want to live in our basement? We bought this house so grandkids could come visit. But alas, you all are so busy that you never come.
Poor, poor kiddos with parents who will never let them have fun! Don't blame your mom, she's just following in the footsteps of her own parents. Remember when we'd go to McDonalds and make all eight of you split an ice cream cone?
Good luck!
Grandma-Grandpa

Aitch said...

Lara, is somebody hacking your blog?

the hacker said...

I'll give you a clue to my identity. I currently do not reside in Talahassee, FL.

derblitz said...

Actually it is I-Herr Hacker.

signed, derblitz en Californiya

Emma said...

Haha. I learned some hacking skills at school. I am so good at it that I can do it in my sleep without a computer.

Valerie H. said...

Steve and Rosanna raised such silly children.

The real Steve-Rosanna said...

Somebody misappropriated Mom and my names.

That is definitely NOT our post-although I must admit that someone did a pretty good job of impersonating something that I might say.

Dad

Steve Crain said...

Hey, that looks a lot (actually a whole lot) like Arkansas. Not far from where I was born and raised.

love, Dad

Denise said...

hahahahhaha. seriously. Lara.

Matthew K said...

I like that Mathias fellow but I would never change Lincoln's name to Billy Bob. Billy Ray (after Hannah Montana's dad) is the clear choice.

Karey said...

I don't know about West Virginia, maybe you should look at property in Pennsylvania.

Glen Beck said...

Pennsylvania - West Virgina = all the same.

Bunch of hillbillies!

alexandra said...

You'll all need NRA hats. I'll see what I can do . . .

Lolli said...

Can I come be your next door neighbor?
LOL!!

Deanne said...

You've brought back so many memories from my childhood...Are you trying to make fun of where I grew up?! ;)

Charlene said...

Too funny!! love your family!! thanks for giving us an idea of where to live in case we sell our house and have no place to go!!

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Well let me tell you a little story bout a man named Jed, the poor old man barely kept his family fed...and then one day he was shootin at a breeze and up from the ground came a bubblin tea...oil that is.....

Sorry....something told me that you might be right...we have a cabin for that very reason!!! One of these days!

Annette said...

So are your siblings going to hack your bank account and pony up the down payment on 100 acres!! I mean come on, they will help out with that too, right?

I gotta tell you in all seriousness, 100 acres (or even 50) is a fun way to raise kids!

Yola Tootie Pop said...

I am dern proud that i gradataded from da 10th grad.

Andie said...

This is great! I've driven through West Virginia a few times and I think your siblings got it exactly right.

Maybe we will max out our credit cards, build an underground bunker complete with 1000 pounds of ammo and come be your neighbors!

Mirien said...

This is the best AF joke I've seen in a long time! Reminds me of something my siblings would do to me if they were clever enough. And after I stopped laughing and read the comments, I am shaking my head over my "pseudo-comment" and wondering how the hacker did it.

K said...

I still think this one is the best/funniest hack job ever!

google analytics