Missing Her

I've lost my zeal for blogging.  

It's weird that I've been doing it for 10-whole-years now and have never been able to let it go, even when I wanted to.   Now I desperately want to at least document our awesome trip in October and other big events that have come up along the way and now I can't seem to make myself want to blog.  

And I blame it squarely on Cami.   

Yeah, she's 4000+ miles away living in France, but it's still all her fault.  

Basically all the creative energy I used to put into writing blogposts has now been sucked up by me keeping in touch with Cami.    I spend about the same amount of time writing to her as I used to use for blogging.   I hope to get back to a happy medium where I can blog once a week or so eventually, so that we don't miss documenting this stage of our lives, but for now I'm afraid that this poor little blog will  likely stay neglected for another year or so until she returns (or I figure out how to extend the day a couple of hours).  

And, in case you're wondering, yes, I miss it.   

But not as much as I miss Cami.   

She's been out almost 7 months now and is still serving in Lyon.  She's training TWO companions right now (Soeurs W. and F.), which has proven to be more challenging than she expected.   She feels like both need her attention and it's hard to give both of them what they need.    

She seems happy though, which makes it easier to miss her.   

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This Blog and What it Means to Me

To ring in the  new year  I thought I would try to encapsulate a little about what blogging means to me.  I started blogging more than 7 years ago and have been posting a couple times a week, almost without fail, since then.  Sometimes I  marvel that I  enjoy blogging as much now, if not more,  as I did when I first started.  Nearly all of my blogging friends have since fallen by the wayside, most of them posting only infrequently or in spurts and I wonder if there will come a day when I grow tired of it as well.  Yet, for now,  I still love to blog, even when I am tired, busy, and have nothing to say {sorry}.

I have gotten far more feedback (and notoriety) for my other blogs, but somehow slowly through the last couple of years they've started to  feel less and less important to me.  I still love to cook and I think it's great having all my favorite recipes in one spot, but I can clearly see that I have never actually contributed that much to the world of food.  Why do I need to push myself to post a new recipe a couple of times a week, when the vast majority of the recipes I post are readily available from other sources?  Most days I'm happy enough to scrape together a respectable meal for my family, and even the thought of trying new recipes on a regular basis, taking pictures of them, and taking the time to post them on the blog, just seems completely overwhelming to me .   Throw in the fact that the most popular recipes on my blog are consistently not even my own recipes, but those of my blog partners whose recipes consist of less than a tenth of the total recipes, and I am not sure that I'll ever be drawn back to blog about food regularly again.

I feel like my FHE blog is far more of a contribution of originality and good to the world wide web than my food blog ever will be, but alas it too has lost its luster.  In addition to not having enough time to devote to digitizing lessons or writing meaningful articles, I also just feel like I have less to say now than I used to.   I used to have  all these grand and idealistic ideas about raising kids and while I still believe what I wrote, now that my kids are growing up into wonderful, albeit imperfect adolescents, it somehow feels disingenuous for me to give advice on parenting anymore.  The older my kids get, the more I realize that every kid is totally unique and dang-it-all, I know all too well that there simply isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.   Other than loving them unconditionally and living the gospel every day, I think almost everything else about parenting is left open to individual inspiration.  And even when we give parenting our 1000% effort, the fact doesn't change that  kids will grow into completely their own people, who make their own choices, and while we can hope and pray that they incorporate a little of the wisdom we've gained through life experience  into their own lives;  we can't force them to.

This blog is different though. 

I know that what I post here normally isn't very earth shattering or probably even all that interesting to most people, but it's 100% me and it's a piece of sanity that I cling to.  I joke that it's my free therapy, but I'm not really joking that much.  I've always expressed myself better in writing than I do in person and writing about my life helps me to process it in a way that I don't do as comfortably or as thoroughly any other way.   And having a tad bit of an Eeyore personality (thanks mom and dad!), I appreciate that the blog helps me to put a more positive spin on things than my brain would do otherwise.   I've blogged my way through an awful lot of difficult experiences over the years--Ellie's epilepsy, Spencer's bout with aggressive leukemia, struggles with friends (mine and the kids'), emergency room visits, and numerous other "crises" and adventures that we've faced.   And this blog has helped me keep my sanity (at least at a minimal level) through it all.

Besides just being my outlet though, one of the other most meaningful aspects that I love about this blog, is what it means to my children.  I read a study one time that showed that children who feel a connection to their past, who know their family stories, grow up to be all-around happier,  healthier, and more successful people.  And family stories are one thing that my kids have in abundance!   They will know some of the silly, the boring, and  the serious that made up our days.  My only regret with the family blog is that I didn't start it any earlier as I would have loved to have had a better record from when the kids were younger.   Someday I hope to broaden the scope of our stories to include more memories from the past.

I know a lot of you readers originally came to this blog as a way to check in on Spencer when he was ill {thank you for your prayers and support!}.   Since he's been in remission, though,  I  sometimes wonder how there's anyone left besides my family who is even still interested in reading through the mundanity of our very average lives.   We're not rich.  We're not famous.  I am not a great writer or photographer.  I'm not full of creative ideas.   Pretty much I'm just an average mom, who just happens to really enjoy blogging about her family.

For all of you who have stuck around, thank you!  

Here's to many more adventures in 2015…one day at a time!


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Saying Goodbye!

I'm done.  

I finally had it today.  

I deactivated my Facebook account and for the time being, I have no intention on going back.  I think my Instagram isn't too far behind.    I have no doubt that that means that this blog's stats are about to fall through the floor and that I'll probably never hear from 95% of my "friends" again, but I can't even make myself care right now. 

I am tired of feeling disappointed when I see 14 pictures and full descriptions of yet another get-together that I wasn't invited to and even worse another party that my kids weren't invited to.  I am an introvert and my social needs truly aren't very high, but I find myself surrounded more and more by very, very extroverted friends  who seem to thrive on letting everyone know play-by-play updates on their social life....where they are and who they're with and how awesome their lives are.  And though I tell myself that I don't have any desire to attend gourmet dinners or to hang out with friends practically every night of the week, having it thrown in my face at every turn makes me care more than I should.  

And don't even get me started on how unhealthy this compulsion to share all the details of our social lives is for the younger generation...especially the quiet ones (like I was).   As a teenager I would've melted in a puddle if I'd known all the fun things the people around me were doing while I was sitting at home reading a book on a Friday night.  Heck, I'm a grown adult with an established sense of who I am and I still care too much.  Imagine these young teenagers who have it thrown in their faces in the midst of still figuring out who they are.  

All of the unfiltered social garbage combined with the fact that I am becoming increasingly convinced that social media is making us, as a generation and as individuals, completely self-absorbed, I am feeling up in arms.    What is the value in taking endless selfies, posting status  updates several times a day,  fishing for compliments, hinting about things you "need," bragging endlessly about how many fun things you did that day, or constantly complaining about how hard your life is, etc?  There is no real value in any of it and  I'm as guilty as the next person in engaging myself in it full-heartedly.  No more though.

True value is found in the flesh and blood of the friends and family around us
and that's where I want to be spending more of my time.

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For the  three of you who might be worried (Hi Mom, Dad, and Kristina!), don't worry....I will go on blogging.  But I will also continue, as I have for the last few years, to be conscientious about  not blogging about exclusive social events or birthday parties (either mine or the kids), so as not to cause others around me undue pain about not being invited.    And lest you think that I'm being dramatic by referring to it as "pain," it is truly painful, no matter how old you are, to feel like you're on the outside looking in.  I'd rather just not know.

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Identity Crisis in the Snow

I'm in process of going through a blog identity crisis….again.   It happens to me every couple of years.

 I love blogging.  It's as much a relaxing outlet for me as it is a way to capture the moments in our family's history.  Sometimes, though,  I start feeling like it's time for something different.  I haven't figured out what that different is yet, but I probably will at least be taking it out of my Facebook feed soon.  

 Everyone will still be welcome to read my blog (and I really hope you will), but lately I've been feeling like I'm shoving it into people's faces too much.    When Spencer was sick, people wanted to see the up-to-date happenings on his treatment in their Facebook feed.   Now that he's done with that life….hopefully forever…I'm quite sure that no one really cares all that much about the latest snowstorm.  Or the ramblings of my day.   Or the other random and boring things I like to blog about and if I've been annoying you with it all….I'm sorry!

But if you do like it…bookmark it and come back often!  I'll still be blogging regularly.  :)



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In the meantime, here's another round of cute playing-in-the-snow pictures.

We had quite the gathering at our awesome sledding hill yesterday (our 10th snow day of the year) and it was fun to see it getting so much use!   We don't have many kids in our neighborhood, so we have to think ahead and invite people to come over.

The kids had twice as much fun with their friends there.

And it was hard not to smile at their giggles and happiness!

They were outside for 3+ hours yesterday afternoon in the around 30-degree temps.   Ellie wasn't phased a bit though and even laid down to make snow angels.

Adam and his friend Logan were the big boys of the hill and looked all cool with their open jackets and sunglasses!

Even AnnaLisa couldn't resist getting in on the action by taking her own little ride down the hill.

Goodbye snow!  It was fun to have you around so much this year.

But I really, really, really hope we won't be seeing you again until next winter!



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