Saturday, May 31, 2014

Saying Goodbye!

I'm done.  

I finally had it today.  

I deactivated my Facebook account and for the time being, I have no intention on going back.  I think my Instagram isn't too far behind.    I have no doubt that that means that this blog's stats are about to fall through the floor and that I'll probably never hear from 95% of my "friends" again, but I can't even make myself care right now. 

I am tired of feeling disappointed when I see 14 pictures and full descriptions of yet another get-together that I wasn't invited to and even worse another party that my kids weren't invited to.  I am an introvert and my social needs truly aren't very high, but I find myself surrounded more and more by very, very extroverted friends  who seem to thrive on letting everyone know play-by-play updates on their social life....where they are and who they're with and how awesome their lives are.  And though I tell myself that I don't have any desire to attend gourmet dinners or to hang out with friends practically every night of the week, having it thrown in my face at every turn makes me care more than I should.  

And don't even get me started on how unhealthy this compulsion to share all the details of our social lives is for the younger generation...especially the quiet ones (like I was).   As a teenager I would've melted in a puddle if I'd known all the fun things the people around me were doing while I was sitting at home reading a book on a Friday night.  Heck, I'm a grown adult with an established sense of who I am and I still care too much.  Imagine these young teenagers who have it thrown in their faces in the midst of still figuring out who they are.  

All of the unfiltered social garbage combined with the fact that I am becoming increasingly convinced that social media is making us, as a generation and as individuals, completely self-absorbed, I am feeling up in arms.    What is the value in taking endless selfies, posting status  updates several times a day,  fishing for compliments, hinting about things you "need," bragging endlessly about how many fun things you did that day, or constantly complaining about how hard your life is, etc?  There is no real value in any of it and  I'm as guilty as the next person in engaging myself in it full-heartedly.  No more though.

True value is found in the flesh and blood of the friends and family around us
and that's where I want to be spending more of my time.


For the  three of you who might be worried (Hi Mom, Dad, and Kristina!), don't worry....I will go on blogging.  But I will also continue, as I have for the last few years, to be conscientious about  not blogging about exclusive social events or birthday parties (either mine or the kids), so as not to cause others around me undue pain about not being invited.    And lest you think that I'm being dramatic by referring to it as "pain," it is truly painful, no matter how old you are, to feel like you're on the outside looking in.  I'd rather just not know.



Denise said...

I am so sorry Lara! I too have felt that sting when I see my kids be excluded from things all the other kids their age get invited to.

I've often wondered at parents who are okay with this kind of exclusion and who make no effort to ensure that this isn't happening.

But, I'm glad you'll still be blogging and I applaud your effort to protect your children. There is no more noble effort!

Charlene said...

You are not alone, my friend. I've done less and less with FB also, and didn't bother opening an Instagram account. It's a big problem here and I didn't want to be involved in any situations.
My friend and I often talk about this very discussion. She has a teenage daughter who is struggling with the very same things. What's even worse is, not only is it mentioned on FB or instagram, the YW leaders let them talk about it during their YW meetings!! Talk about a slap to the face! I admire you for taking a stand on this and glad you will continue to blog. We need more mothers out there to protect their daughters!

alexandra said...

My first thought in reading your post was an emphatic "I totally agree!" (It also made me wonder what all these parties are that I'm not being invited to. . .) But then I thought about the fact that Gavin had a birthday party last night and today I found myself talking to or emailing two separate people and thinking "why didn't I invite her son to the party?" The truth of the matter is, I told Gav he could invite 10 of his "closest" friends, he gave me a list, and I invited them. Even then it turned out that 10 boys in our back yard for three hours way too many boys for way too long a time.

But I've also been on the other end of that and found out about my children's friends having birthday parties only after seeing a post about the party up on my friend's blog.

I can go on, but I'm not sure I'm making much sense so I think I'll just stop here. But I will say that Facebook and Instagram ignorance is bliss.

Sheila W. said...

I get it. :( I also am an introvert and don't necessarily "want" to be doing all these things, but it does hurt to have it thrown in your face. And I have seen my daughter hurt by it as well.

I hope you keep blogging, though--I found you years ago via Recipe Shoebox and started following this blog to keep up with Spencer's story. You have a lovely family!

Lara said...

Thanks for all your kind comments! I was pretty worked up when I wrote this (hence the lack of editing) , but it is good to know that I am not alone in my feelings!

shannon said...

Oh my goodness! What a relief to know I am not the only person with these feelings. I can't remember how I found your blog, but I love it. Thank you for sharing.

Jeana said...

Thanks for posting that video. Too funny and too true. I recently deactivated my account because I needed a break. Especially from some of the things that are going on with a member of your ward. I don't normally post comments, and this is the first time on your blog but thanks. I've enjoyed it and will be back for YW ideas! :)

melissa said...
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