Flower for a Jerk?

March 2:
Lately I've been losing sleep over the actions of a toxic person in my life. Finally I put my finger on how to describe him:

*bully: verb
1. use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

I have all sorts of choice words I'd love to throw his way, but I've tried very hard to be patient and
disciplined in my responses to him. Hopefully, in time, I can help affect a change to happen, a change that will benefit many and eventually put the bully in his place.

In the meantime, I just read this book (The Language of Flowers: A Novel) for book group. I very much enjoyed reading and discussing it. It's about a young girl who grows up in the foster system feeling very unworthy of love. Somewhere along the way she has a foster parent who teaches her the meanings that different flowers can portray and she develops a love for flowers and their language. Eventually she ages out of the foster system and she is thrust into "real life" without any support or skills, other than her knowledge of flowers. It's a beautiful story of learning about who she is and what she can accomplish.

Now I just need to find a flower that means, "You're a *chauvinistic jerk-face bully," and give it to a certain someone.

*NOTE: Just to be clear, the aforementioned "chauvinistic jerk-face bully "is not related to me in any way.

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A Rant About Pink

I'm not a very emotional person.  I get it from my mom, whom I've seen cry an entire two times in my life, both when people close to her had passed away.   My kids have definitely seen me cry more often than that, but it's still a very irregular occurrence.  

That's why when I got all teary eyed and upset at Emma's orthodontist appointment the other day, it took me totally off guard.    I went in there feeling just fine, but as I sat there looking at the entire office bedecked in pink for breast cancer awareness, something in me snapped.  

 Pink is everywhere this month--in the grocery stores, on the soccer fields, and now in the orthodontist office.  I have nothing against breast cancer awareness, in fact I think it's great that there's so much support out there for any type of cancer, but in that moment I became acutely sad that during the entire month of September, I barely saw any kind of acknowledgement that it was childhood cancer awareness month.      There were no gold ribbons bedecking anything other than the Facebook pages of other parents who belong to the same crappy club that I do of having had a kid face a very adult disease.  

Somehow our society has made it acceptable to think about  women who end up losing their breasts to mastectomies, but heaven help us, don't you dare burst our bubbles and remind us that kids get cancer too!   Never mind that not only are these kids who die losing decades more off their lives than adults, but even the lucky ones who live often suffer with horrible  after-effects from their treatments that greatly diminish their quality of life.   

Take the ubiquitous "chemo brain" that you hear cancer survivors talk about.   Chemo brain is parr for the course for the average middle-age cancer survivor and they complain of not being able to remember people's names as well, or having to write things down that they can't remember.   Unpleasant and not convenient for sure, but try thinking the havoc that chemo wreaks  on a STILL DEVELOPING BRAIN!  

Now just imagine having chemo brain when you're 20 and trying to take a full load of college classes.  

IT SUCKS!!!!!     

The  nurses have to wear protective clothing to even administer the noxious chemo cocktails  that these have PUMPED INTO THEIR BODIES for month after month, until they either die or they're "cured".  And even when they're so called cured, their bodies are never the same.

My son was one of the lucky ones who survived, and I am forever grateful for that, but by golly don't get so lost in the pink that you  forget that kids get cancer too.   

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Epilogue: 

   I used the opportunity  to talk to  the orthodontist about childhood cancer awareness month.   He was genuinely curious about Spencer and, in general, wanted to know more about the challenges that face childhood cancer patients.   He indicated that he would be interested to get the office involved in childhood cancer awareness month next September.  Now, I just need to gather a packet of information for him and follow up with him in about ten months! 

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If you want to do something: 

Less than 5% of federal funding for cancer research goes to childhood cancers.   If you want to make a difference,  CureSearch and Alex's Lemonade Stand are both worthy charities who use a large percentage (with little overhead cost) of their donations to finding a cure for childhood cancers.   

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I Like Warm Hugs (and Snow Days)

Compared to where I grew up in Minnesota, the winters here in the DC area are pretty mild.   We generally get a handful of small to medium size snowstorms a winter, which usually completely melt within the week.    Because of the infrequency with which we receive snow, the government  doesn't devote a lot of budget or equipment to  take very good care of the roads and even an inch or two of snow can wreak havoc on driving conditions.   That is why we are one of those funny places where school gets cancelled at even a hint of snow.  Last winter, we didn't have a full week of school for two months straight because of the frequent small storms that kept coming through.   

So when I woke up this morning at 5:20am and saw an inch of snow on the ground and snow still coming down hard, I assumed that school would either be cancelled or delayed.    We've lived here 15-years and everything about the storm (the timing, the amount, etc) screamed for at least a school delay.   

But alas there was not.   

Thus began my very long day of trekking kids through treacherous conditions to their various activities, because there was no way I was letting Cami take the car that distance in those kind of conditions.   

While most people in our ward have a 1-2 mile commute to seminary and school, we happen to live in a weird boundary area which means that we have a 14-mile commute.   Yes, that's 14 miles EVERY SINGLE MORNING.   4.5 miles to the church, 9.5 miles to school from the church, and if I'm driving it's another 4.5 miles back home.  I know there are people who drive much further on a daily basis and I'm not complaining.  I am grateful to live in a fabulous ward, a great neighborhood, and in a top notch school district (even if only one of my kids is in school this year). 

 The problem is that today not a single stretch of those 14 miles was plowed.   

Not even the highway.

Cars were sliding everywhere.  There were crashes, buses in ditches, and tractor trailers jackknifing.  It was a stressful two hours of driving and I am up in arms that our school district, one of the largest in the nation, put their 100,000+ students, not to mention teachers and administrators in harm's way by keeping school in session.    Never mind that it was only 4-inches, wimpy by most people's standards--   the roads were awful and we had no business clogging them up with school traffic in the middle of the morning rush hour!    Then, because schools weren't cancelled, nothing else was either.  I spent far too many hours in the car today and it made me grumpy!

On the bright side though, the snow made for a perfect backdrop for the photoshoot that Ellie's been wanting to do.   

A few months ago she wore that turquoise sparkly dress, which is decidedly getting way too small for her, and had a little 2-year-old girl completely convinced that she was Elsa from the movie, Frozen.    Not that Ellie was trying to be Elsa, but the little girl heard "Ellie", saw the sparkly dress and convinced herself.   She followed Ellie around for an entire hour at a ward party….something that did not bother Ellie in the slightest. In fact, Ellie was downright tickled by the girl's innocent conjecture and has since made that dress one of her favorite dress-ups.     

Then Ellie got a little Olaf doll for Christmas and she had everything she needed to be Elsa for the next snowy day.   Emma curled her hair for the occasion and she eagerly went out in short sleeves and bare legs in the 25º temps and did her best Elsa impression.  

She kept a smile on her face for the first minute or so, but it didn't take long before I realized that she was NOT going to be singing, ♫"The cold never bothered me anyway."♫   Approximately 1.5 minutes after I took these pictures, she was back inside the house in her warm cozy clothes again asking for hot chocolate! 

I can't lie though.  That smile pretty much made my day!  :) 

FOLLOW UP 1/7/15:  

School was delayed today and will be delayed again tomorrow.  

I'm not sure if they're guilt induced delays or due to the fact that wind chills are hovering right around 0º.  Either way, I'm not complaining about the two extra days to sleep in! 

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Breaking up with Social Media

I think it was 2008 when I joined Facebook for the first time.  For the first few years it was easy for me to keep the time I spent there at a minimum and I really enjoyed the forum it gave me to keep in touch with long lost friends.   Sometime in the last couple of years though, everything has changed.   I think it was the advent of the smartphone that gave people (including me) the opportunity to post what they're doing real-time.   Suddenly my feed was flooded with updates such as, 

"Happy birthday to my BFF, JoJo!"   at Cafe Rio --with BoBo, Mimi, Fifi, and Bambi. 

While I was under no illusion that JoJo was my BFF, I did consider  JoJo, BoBo, Mimi, Fifi, and Bambi to all be my friends too and suddenly I feel disappointed  that I wasn't invited to JoJo's birthday dinner.  

While I have no doubt that everyone went on these kind of small group birthday outings without me long before the Facebook and Instagram apps on the smartphone were invented, the difference is that now all the people who weren't invited get to know all about it too.   Combine that kind of post with a few too many outings that involved my kids' friends that I didn't know about either, posts about exotic trips that friends are going on,  and I began to realize that Facebook and Instagram were making me feel that my  life is not up to par.      

And it's not just me!    

Research shows that regular users of social media are generally less happy and satisfied with their lives.     It's too easy to compare my weeknight dinner on paper plates  with other people's fancy dinner party pictures.   It's definitely been affecting me lately, which is why I left Facebook a few months ago and why I deleted my Instagram account today.  I needed a clean break and a fresh start.    

So, I recognize that social media isn't all bad and I do miss the day-to-day connection with some people, it simply wasn't worth the headache for me anymore.   Here are a few of the things I struggled with the most.  

I Hate--knowing too much about people's lives.   Not that they're necessarily sharing too much information, although some do, but that for most old friends and even long lost cousins the information in a Christmas card is all the connection I need.  Social media provides an information overload that finds me studying and caring far too much about the day-to-day happenings of other people's lives, most of whom I will probably never see again.

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I Hate--seeing what events I was not invited to.  I'm normally not very sensitive or very social, but when you see seven of your friends posting about the same super-fun party that you were decidedly not invited to, it's hard not to care at least a little.   Throw in a few kids' parties, a couple of fun looking girls' nights out, and friends that get together on a regular basis without you and it makes me care far more than I should.   Ignorance is definitely bliss when it comes to this kind of stuff.

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I Hate--Seeing everyone else's best framed side, which makes the mundane of my life seem abnormal.   Yeah, I have gray hair, age-spots, a bunch of weight to lose, and a house that's not perfect and while logically I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with those things, based on what I see on social media it often feels like I am.  

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I Hate--that I had developed this false notion that people actually care about me and the tidbits of my life.  I don't mean this in a feel-sorry-for-me kind of way, but truly who really cares about what my kids wore on the first day of school?   I care.   My mom cares.  Maybe even my Aunt Valerie cares.    But what about Lulu Smith and the other 600+ of my friends whose feeds it will dot?     If I post it on my blog, someone has to make the effort to come read the post and look at the pictures, but on Instagram and Facebook it gets thrown into everyone's faces, making people feel like they need to give me a thumbs-up or some kind of pat on the back ….you know so I will return the favor and go like their update next time.   It all feels insincere and I don't want/need it anymore.

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I'm sorry for yet another rant and I hope you'll forgive me for it.  It is my hope that by breaking up with Instagram today, that it  will help me stop obsessing about the things I'm not doing and start helping me to focus on how I can be a better real-life friend.     

PS  Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  I'm glad you're here!   :)   

  

An Open Letter to Health Evangelizers Everywhere

Yes, I'm talking to you.

The one who loves to post links on your facebook page about how some food or medicine cures or causes cancer. Or the "friend" who hadn't said boo to me in 20 years and felt the need to write me an impersonal note--not even taking the time to learn Spencer's name-- about what quack remedy I should use to cure his leukemia. Or the friend of my sister’s who in all seriousness told her to stop using antibiotics for a serious infection and rub oils on her feet instead. Or the regular comments, which I delete immediately, I get on any blogpost that mentions Ellie's epilepsy that tells me about which snake oil will cure her from all her seizures.

Can you please stop before you post next time and try to look at this from the other side of the coin first?

I hate to rain on anyone’s happy parade, but despite people's best efforts bad things can still happen and your constant ravings about how healthy/happy/perfect you and your kids are because of all the good things you're doing for them are hurtful to those of us who have kids who are not as fortunate as yours.

I love my kids just as much as you love yours and have always done what I thought was best for them. I breastfed each of my kids for 12-18 months, avoided giving them unnecessary medications, made their food from scratch, avoided artificial dyes and flavorings, and took them to the park instead of letting them play video games. And yet I still had a kid who was unfortunate enough to have cancer. Another one has uncontrolled seizures.

Did we cause their health ailments because I didn't see your barrage of well-meaning trendy health information soon enough?

NO! And your constant insinuations (even indirectly) that I coulda, woulda, shoulda done something different is counterproductive and hurtful. Do you think I don’t beat myself up enough wondering if we did something wrong to cause their ailments?

You have absolutely no idea what it feels like to be told that your son had a 25% chance of surviving the next five years with the best medication the world has to offer and yet you have the gall to tell me that chemo is unnecessary and that if we simply cut meat and dairy out of our diets that he would be healed. Feel free to go that route when someone from your family is on death's door, but please don't put that judgmental crap out there as fact and expect people to jump up and down with joy at the "good news" that if only they were as good a parent as you they could have been spared the pain of watching their child suffer.

And don't even get me started on essential oils! I actually have some and think they're great for minor complaints, but there are far too many zealots, most of whom also happen to sell them, who shove the religion of essential oils down the throats of anyone who crosses their way--especially people like me who have families with visible health issues. They proclaim miracles at every turn and then try to peddle me their overpriced wares. Natural or not, they did absolutely nothing for Ellie's seizures and my sister has a friend who is blind in one eye and undergoing a corneal transplant soon, because she ignored her doctor who prescribed something for a minor eye infection and opted to use essential oils instead.

I am not so naive as to not realize that the medical profession in this country is riddled with problems, but I simply do not believe that there is a cure-all for anything and to coin an overused, albeit apt phrase, that anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is probably selling something.

For the record, I am one who loves to share good news as much as the next person, but I personally believe that other people's health choices should be respected and that evangelizing should be limited to matters of eternal salvation.
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"And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."  

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pent up rage or braggadocio? which do you prefer?

Perhaps I've been a bit too cooped up with all the sick kids in our house over the last few weeks or maybe it's because of the child who randomly started waking us up at night or maybe it's because I stepped on the scale yesterday for the first time in weeks....
Whatever it is, I'm just bubbling over with brewing animosity tonight and can't wait to rant about totally random and pointless stuff.  Grrrr.  Watch me burst forth with rage. 

1.  Internet Explorer---I have deep seated loathing passion for internet explorer and hope that one day it implodes on itself.  Yay for Mozilla Firefox!  Boo for Internet Explorer! 

2.  Beef--It doesn't matter what cut it is, who prepared it, or how many times I try it....I want to like it, but am disappointed every time I try it.  My poor, poor family now considers it the forbidden fruit of foods and pretty much obsesses about how infrequently I serve it to them.  Stupid beef! 

3.  People who block entrances to side streets and businesses when they're backed up in traffic anyway and couldn't go anywhere if they tried.   I consider anyone who can't just stop a few feet back and let people in and out of the side streets as inconsiderate, obnoxious, oblivious, and should have their drivers' licenses revoked.  LEARN HOW to DRIVE PEOPLE!!!!!!

4.  Movies that are supposed to be for kids and are filled with inappropriate innuendos and adult humor.  Boo for "Diary of a Wimpy Kid!" Dumbest waste of time...ever!   

5.  The IRS.  Penalizing an all volunteer organization at an elementary school PTA with a $5000 fine for submitting their tax return late is lame, lame, LAME!!!!!!!  Stupid piece of overblown crappy government entity! 


So, what makes your blood boil?  Feel free to add your own rant into the comments (as long as it's not directed at me, because otherwise I'd have to photoshop a picture of you with horns growing out of your earwaxy ears and send it to the National Enquirer. ) 

And now that I have all that out of my system, we'll return to cute picture collages and my normal braggadocio posting. 

Have a nice day. 


:)

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Sleeping Well Tonight

WARNING: This is a good old fashioned rant with TMI galore. Sorry in advance.

I hate confrontation. Hate. Hate. Hate.

I do whatever it takes to make it go away as painlessly as possible even if it means more work and inconvenience for me. I'd rather get a root canal than call someone out on the carpet.

Then today happened.

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I had three things going for me today to help me overcome my dread:

1. A bad case of PMS

2. An early morning phone call from one of Cami's friends informing her that she could no longer walk with Cami the half mile to the bus stop, leaving her to either walk by herself or have me accompany her. No advance warning. No explanation.

3. An inept football coach who has been calling me twice a week to scold me for spending too much money on the spaghetti dinner and insisting, despite my repeated heated protests, that he would find a way to get me the rest of the money at great inconvenience to himself. No gratitude has even once been expressed and no matter that I'd told him no less than 8-10 times to consider it our gift to the football team and that I had no desire to be further reimbursed, he just couldn't seem to let it go. (NOTE: It was not with selfless magnanimity that I refused the money, but with an ever increasing desperation to make him stop rubbing my face in it.) Finally, yesterday Spencer informed me that the coach was selling drinks to the boys after practice telling them that it was so they could pay me back. OUCH! The guilt he kept heaping on me was bad enough, but embarrassing me in front of all the boys ?! Double OUCH!

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I'm not sure that any one of these cases by themselves would have driven me to confront my fear of confrontation head-on, but today I couldn't seem to stop myself. I sent two long and somewhat bold emails outlining exactly how inconsiderate/stupid they were being (in a mostly nice way of course) and exactly what they needed to do to make things right again.

Thankfully the whole thing with Cami's friend turned out to be a big misunderstanding and was easily remedied with a quick chat on the phone. Cami still has a bus stop partner and it's all good.

Football coach ineptitude though is another story. So I went to pick up Spencer from football tonight and was immediately handed the proceeds of the coach's drink fundraiser (about $70). Livid that once again he had completely disregarded my own wishes and continued to make me feel like I'd inconvenienced him more than I'd helped, I went and found the coach still on the field. After handing the money back to him I told him that if he ever mentioned the money issue ever again that I would quit my job as meal coordinator on the spot and that he could start cooking all the pre-game meals himself. I then went on to tell him although I understood his desire to make sure that parents were being fairly compensated for the meals they provided, that it was a complete insult to my intelligence to repeatedly bring it up (without ever once expressing gratitude) despite our clear wishes to let it go.

Guess what? It's all good now too (and I didn't even cry). It's resolved. He's happy. I'm happy, even though I still think he's an insensitive, over-bearing, ungrateful jerk, but at least now he has an inkling of the fact too.

Exposé on Bad Drivers (NEW PC VERSION)

I started off writing this little rant about bad drivers, but then it was brought to my attention that perhaps I was being a little rude and judgmental in my accusations. To acquiesce any of you that may feel similarly I am changing the post to reflect a little more political correctness...

Completely ignore the following:

Where are the worst drivers in the USA?

My sister will tell you that the worst drivers in the US are right here in DC. Apparently we're all aggressive and there's just too darn many of us clogging up all the roads. Both are true statements, but I'd like to give a big cheer for predictability. You figure out the DC driving method and you're good to go.

Glen says the title goes to any and all cab drivers who drive in NYC.

And my opinion? Utah. Blinkers, compassion, and rear view mirrors all seem to be optional accessories there and if you don't own a truck or SUV I'm pretty sure they'll kick you out (especially if you live in Utah County).

New super politically correct post:

I like turtles and think they are cute and, um, green and if everyone drove as thoughtfully and carefully as turtles then the world would be a better place. The end.

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Grrrr! New Slogans.

Verizon: We Never Stop Breaking Our Promises to You.




Sears: Low Quality Merchandise, Rude Customer Service. Guaranteed.

Vast Left-Winged Conspiracy

I'm an informed consumer. Really I am. Over the years of home ownership we have come across several appliances that have needed to be replaced and each time we have spent hours researching the best options...the price, quality, reliability, etc. We want to make sure we're spending our money wisely.

Inevitably we've always turned to good old faithful Consumer Reports for the bulk of our research. They [supposedly] have no affiliation with any company and do not accept advertising money or donations from companies of any sort, so they claim complete neutrality in their research. Sounds good to me.


So now after carefully purchasing FOUR Consumer Reports "Best Buy" deals--supposedly the highest quality for the fairest price--I'm here to tell you that it's all BUNK BUNK BUNK!

A fridge that has to be repaired 3 times in the first 6 months. {They never did officially call it a "lemon". We finally got so upset at throwing away entire fridge's worth of food every couple of months that we demanded a new one.}

A dishwasher that needs a new motor after less than a year of use. {They claimed that although only 11 months old, that based on our usage of 1-2 loads per day that it was technically more like 3-5 years old...since they expect the average consumer to do 2-3 loads per week.}

A washer that needed a repair exactly a year after purchase. {Luckily this was an easy fix.}

And now that replacement fridge is broken with a part that will take TWO WEEKS to arrive . {Another fridge worth of food gone, gone, gone.}

Where did we buy all these crappy hunks of junk? Yard sales? The dollar store? No...

Another old reliable.

So how did they get Sears get a good name for quality products selling this kind of poorly made junk? How did Consumer Reports become the gold standard for product reviews when everything they recommend falls apart in a year?

So here's my theory: I think that Consumer Reports and Sears aren't quite so independent of each other as they each claim. In addition to Sears slipping CR a commission for recommending their products as "CR Best Buys", I have learned that CR and Sears together have made a pact with the devil and are conspiring to collapse the US economy by letting evil appliances take over the world.


Now excuse me while I step back a century and go hang all my meat out in the smokehouse.