The Most Boring Letter in the Universe {Written to our Missionary}

9/26/21

Hola Girlie Girl {aka my favorite missionary in the universe}!

How's life? Guess what?! I'm actually starting this email before 9pm, which means that you can be prepared for the most amazing, profound, awesomely awesome email ever. Or perhaps just the normal random boringness.

😀😁😂😃😄😌😒😑😐😏😛😝😞😠😘

Keep reading and I guess you'll find out which one wins.

So, I taught the RS lesson today. It was fine. It wasn't the most amazing lesson I've ever taught and it wasn't the worst. We were discussing Elder Christofferson's, "Why the Covenant Path," and I was pleased that we did get a good discussion going. I appreciate lessons with good discussions, so that was a positive. Also, no one threw tomatoes at me, so that was also a plus.

The two main concepts I wanted to emphasize in my lesson were:
1. Following the covenant path is a personal journey that has to do with our relationship with Christ. We can't force others to follow or accompany us on the covenant path
2. Perfection is not only not necessary, but can be a hindrance to our following the covenant path. Remember ME + CHRIST = MORE (not ME + MORE = ANYTHING). We can never be enough MORE, without Christ.

“Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness. If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection.” Jeffrey R. Holland

Ellie also taught today. She taught her YW class about the keys of the priesthood. There was a big miscommunication about who was supposed to teach, so one leader {who was out of town} asked Ellie to teach and another leader, unbeknownst to the first leader, asked another girl to teach. Thankfully "other" girl flaked out and the "other" leader {who was in town} was pleasantly surprised that Ellie had a lesson prepared. I hear it was the most amazing lesson ever taught.

So, are you feeling ready for General Conference this week? Adam is having a bunch of friends over to watch in our theater room. Apparently good food is expected too. Next conference, you can invite a bunch of friends over too. Don't worry though, we'll only let dad run the skunk machine and tell embarrassing dad jokes between sessions. 😆

WOOHOO!!!! We are getting super excited that it's not seeming all that far away that you'll be here for us to hug and kiss and embarrass you every chance we can get. I am planning on wearing a sequined dinosaur ballet outfit when we pick you up from your mission. Probably right from the mission home, right? I'll be brushing up on my opera singing too.

What else is going on here in Alpine? My dad's surgery on his bladder has been canceled due to COVID--not that any of us have COVID, but that the hospital is canceling all non-urgent surgeries because there are too many COVID cases. Apparently my Dad's bladder issues are considered unimportant {although my mom would beg to differ} and he gets to suffer with bladder drama for an additional couple months...at least. Also, I forgot if I mentioned it, but his lymphoma diagnosis was as good as it could be, in that it's considered slow-moving and not aggressive. So basically, if you're going to get lymphoma, it's the type to get.

Your dad is having his colonoscopy on Wednesday. He's about as excited about his as I was about mine. yay

Okay, okay. Are you sleeping yet? I guess I need to step up my game here in the pre-9:00 email department (despite the fact that it's now 10:00pm exactly) and get some amazing profundity spewing out of the internet your way.

Raspberries grow in our backyard. They're freaking amazing and I love them almost as much as being done with colonoscopies for the next 10 years.



Here is a random picture of your brother, sister, and dog-sister. They miss you.




Your Uncle Nate came to visit for 2 weeks and I was shocked to discover that he's still taller than me. He's also still 13 months younger than me. What's he up to these days? He's living in an income tax free state (Tennessee) and is eagerly planning a trip to country #76. $100 billion if you can guess where he wants to go next? {Hint: He doesn't like when siblings beat him to countries}



It's your sister and her hubby bubby. They're cute and I can't wait to meet their cute baby. You're cute too and will have cute babies, but I can wait to meet them until you're home from your mission and married.




I broke a blood vessel in my eye (how? I have no earthly idea) and I look like a freakazoid. It looks bad but apparently it's no big deal at all {according to Doctor Google and Doctor Cami}. Thankfully it doesn't hurt a bit, though I do make small children and sensitive adults cry.


I decorated for Halloween and I think it looks amazing.



 There used to be another pine cone here, but Kiwi ate it. Literally.



This meme made me giggle. hard. And I don't even like cats.



Hmmmm...here's a random picture from the photo roll. Don't know her name or anything about her (so she could be a nun from Nebraska for all I know)....but she's cute and chilling with Adam long enough to take a picture with him, so here you go....


We went on an awesome hike on Saturday. It was in Kaysville/Layton and it was absolutely lovely. The leaves were just starting to turn and it was just the kind of challenge level I like--hard, but not knock-your-socks-off-hard. It was called Adam's Falls and we didn't see Adam the entire time, nor did we hear of any random falls he had, so that was kind of a bust.





We sang, "There is Sunshine in My Soul," today in sacrament meeting and we all sang it at the top of our lungs...opera style. It was amazing. And AnnaLisa heard us from my parents' house and started crying. She threatened to disown us and to spike all our cookies with gluten forevermore, but we set her up on a date with David Archuleta and all is forgiven.



I am 1000% enraptured by the view coming down from our Horsetail Falls hike. We hike up to the trailhead from our house (exactly 2 miles). It's all uphill on the way there and all downhill on the way home. In a few months, you can join us for it, though the wildflowers will likely be covered with 12 feet of snow by then!

Alright....I guess this email wasn't that great.



Sorry for being super boring again. Maybe next time I'll try and throw in a few more interesting tidbits.

In the meantime,

WE FREAKING LOVE YOUR GUTS!!!!!!


Have an awesome week!
Love,
Your very boring mother

8 Miles, A New Hobby, and Cami for the "W"

March 5:  

Adam and I went for an 8-mile hike today along the C&O towpath and  Billy Goat trail A.  Along the way we saw 11 great blue herons, 3 bald eagles, a bunch of beautiful scenery, and a raccoon.  

Tonight Cami and the women's lacrosse team played in a home game against U of U.   They beat the Utes 12-7 and Cami got  a little playing time, which was good since she had a pretty substantial cheering section there just for her.   

And on a completely random note, I skimmed this article this morning....

and couldn't stop laughing when I got to this part....

Apparently, some people have a wee bit too much time on their hands.

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Stuff

In case you haven't noticed, I have no idea what I'm doing with this blog.  I say I'm not going to blog at all, then I blog once a week, then I'm blogging every day, then I barely remember to take any pictures.    I do really like the challenge of capturing the daily happenings of our family, but, man, I really miss the days of being meaningful or funny. Until I get my mojo back (maybe when the kids are all graduated from  homeschool), I am certain that this blog will continue to evolve.  Into what I have no idea, but let's hope that it's something awesome.   

February 18:  

Here's a random sampling of what we found on the floor of our van today.  

A box of juice boxes, a water bottle, a pair of binoculars, a scripture case, a Hank Smith cd, some sprinkles, and an analytical essay!   It's almost as random as our day which included bot fighting, homework at Panera, and an awesome YW activity.  

February 19:  

What can I say?   I had a lot on my plate today and absolutely nothing turned out quite how I expected.  I ended up pretty grumpy and craving everything I can't eat on my diet.   

Adam, however,  rocked at the food thing and made awesome tinfoil dinners for his scout campout tonight.  

Random Weirdness

For the second time in my life I was injured by an iron that was not plugged in or even hot.  

The first time was when I was a teenager and it fell out of the top of a closet when I was reaching for something.   It smacked me in the forehead and gave me a blasting headache for the rest of the day.  This time it was my toe.   Someone had left it on the floor and I jammed my pinkie toe into it big time.  My toe is swollen and bruised, but thankfully does not seem broken.   In the meantime I am contemplating embracing wrinkledness and eschewing ironing duties forevermore.   

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Our Christmas pajamas are ordered and already in the house.   

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not normally a shop-for-Christmas-in-October kind of girl, so this is monumental.   Don't ask me how or why I've done this out-of-character early preparation.   Maybe it's just all this "extra" time I have now that I'm not on Facebook and Instagram anymore…

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We went on a long walk the other day and saw an owl getting chased by a bluejay.

It was broad daylight and a very strange, albeit cool sight to see.  Even being pretty avid birdwatchers, we have only seen owls in the wild a couple of times and it made the long walk well worth it.

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Seeing my Young Women's faces photoshopped into old yearbook photos. 

My 1st counselor made this poster for an activity last week (YW in Excellence) and it totally cracks me up every time I see it.   The last 4 pics are leaders' actual yearbook photos, the rest are the faces of my young women photoshopped into old yearbook style pictures, complete with authentic hair-dos of that specific year.   Here is the website she used.

pent up rage or braggadocio? which do you prefer?

Perhaps I've been a bit too cooped up with all the sick kids in our house over the last few weeks or maybe it's because of the child who randomly started waking us up at night or maybe it's because I stepped on the scale yesterday for the first time in weeks....
Whatever it is, I'm just bubbling over with brewing animosity tonight and can't wait to rant about totally random and pointless stuff.  Grrrr.  Watch me burst forth with rage. 

1.  Internet Explorer---I have deep seated loathing passion for internet explorer and hope that one day it implodes on itself.  Yay for Mozilla Firefox!  Boo for Internet Explorer! 

2.  Beef--It doesn't matter what cut it is, who prepared it, or how many times I try it....I want to like it, but am disappointed every time I try it.  My poor, poor family now considers it the forbidden fruit of foods and pretty much obsesses about how infrequently I serve it to them.  Stupid beef! 

3.  People who block entrances to side streets and businesses when they're backed up in traffic anyway and couldn't go anywhere if they tried.   I consider anyone who can't just stop a few feet back and let people in and out of the side streets as inconsiderate, obnoxious, oblivious, and should have their drivers' licenses revoked.  LEARN HOW to DRIVE PEOPLE!!!!!!

4.  Movies that are supposed to be for kids and are filled with inappropriate innuendos and adult humor.  Boo for "Diary of a Wimpy Kid!" Dumbest waste of time...ever!   

5.  The IRS.  Penalizing an all volunteer organization at an elementary school PTA with a $5000 fine for submitting their tax return late is lame, lame, LAME!!!!!!!  Stupid piece of overblown crappy government entity! 


So, what makes your blood boil?  Feel free to add your own rant into the comments (as long as it's not directed at me, because otherwise I'd have to photoshop a picture of you with horns growing out of your earwaxy ears and send it to the National Enquirer. ) 

And now that I have all that out of my system, we'll return to cute picture collages and my normal braggadocio posting. 

Have a nice day. 


:)

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Sunday Night Stream of Consciousness

Some random thoughts running around my brain tonight: 

• Stomach bugs are horrible and I especially hate how hard they are on Ellie.   On the other hand, because of Ellie's vast experience with vomiting, she's  extremely accurate.  She hasn't missed the toilet with her spewing in over 2 years. 

• Some of Spencer's friends called Glen, "buff and intimidating" and for some reason I can't stop laughing about it.  Buff maybe, but intimidating I'm a little more flummoxed about.

• I have awesome friends.  One immediately gave us Pedialyte when they heard of Ellie's sickness, saving us a Sabbath trip to the store.  And another brought popsicles and a little present for Ellie.  It was the first time we'd seen her smile since this all hit her on Saturday night. 

• This whole goody-a-day posting on my recipe blog is doing a number on my waistline.  Dang it!

• Watch your mailboxes!  Our Christmas cards arrived from Shutterfly this week and I just wrote our newsletter.  Now I just need to print, address them,  and get them in the mail.  Yay--I love Christmas cards!  If I don't have your address, please feel free to email it to me and I'll add you to our list. 

• I'm so happy that at least a few of my kids will still talk to Santa, even if they wouldn't look him in the eye if their lives depended on it. 

• I had this vision that no amount of snow could bring my homeland of Minnesota to its knees, but after seeing all my friends' updates on Facebook, I'm pretty sure that either everyone's gotten wimpy or this really was quite the storm.

• Glen stayed home from church today with Ellie and Adam (who has a different sickness) and I'm thinking I could get really used to coming home on Fast Sundays to a home-cooked dinner including cornbread and dessert (which he also happened to take pictures of for the recipe blog).   He took pictures of every step and even had Adam snap this one, so he could have both hands in it.  I'm so spoiled by my buff and intimidating man. 
  
  
  

• Our sleep number mattress is one of the best home improvement projects we've ever made.  Speaking of which, it seems to be calling my name right now.  

• Our very classy outside decorations could use a few stakes.  If you know where they ended up please call me.  They're either in the attic or the garage. 

Bob the Baller

http://bobtheballer.blogspot.com

Random Quandary...

Some moral dilemmas are just cut and dry, like if I find a wallet that doesn't belong to me, I track down the owner and give it back.

If a clerk gives me too much change, I immediately return the extra, then wonder whose purse I picked up by mistake that there was actually cash in it.

If a chicken shows up at my doorstep, I make chicken pot pie.

Cut and dry.  Easy peasy.

So now I wonder what do you do when a fully inflated $40 Nordic Track exercise ball shows up propped between your garbage can and the curb?  

I left the empty garbage can there all day, hoping someone would take it, but it's still there.  If I take the garbage can back up to the house and leave it on the curb the ball will undoubtedly  roll down the street.

If I bring the ball up near our front door, it will roll down the front yard, THEN roll down the street.

If I bring the ball inside, the rightful outdoor yogi owner will never know where it went.

So I feel like I have just a few workable choices:

    A)  Leave our garbage can on the curb for a couple days to see if anyone claims it.  If it's still there when the next garbage day rolls around (or when a neighbor scolds us for blighting the neighborhood)  then it's ours.

    B)  Bring it inside the house and make a FOUND poster to hang up around the neighborhood.

    C)  Bring it inside the house and let the kids and dog go crazy with it and hope that the yogi doesn't    go door-to-door in search of their wayward exercise ball.

    D)  Sell it on Craigslist, so I can say that I saw it, but have no idea where it is now, and then cry that I have to give them the only cash I've had in my wallet since 1991.

Please feel free to shower me with advice.

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Cheap Therapy

Many years ago I had the opportunity to take the personality test from the book the Color Code by Taylor Hartman.  I went through taking the test with my rose colored glasses on and ended up squarely blue and white, which is always how I idealistically viewed myself.  Self-disciplined, perfectionistic, loyal, emotional.  And of course not a touch of red, although my family always begged to differ.

Problem is, while I do have all those character traits to some degree, that's not really what defines me.  When I look at myself honestly I have to admit that I am far more demanding, driven, competitive, critical, and hard-driving than I give myself credit for.  Red.  I have a blazing hot red personality and it's bothering me.  Not that having a red personality in itself is bad, but where I've taken the red streak is.

I'm beginning to realize that I've been spending the last 20 years or so of my life pressing the complete opposite of the figurative Staples Easy Button.

Instead of streamlining and prioritizing,  I hold myself and the people around me to impossibly high standards that can never be reached, then berate myself when invariably I don't.

After spending yesterday in a completely useless and discouraged state of mind I decided that it's high time I started looking for ways to throw that "Hard Button" out the window.  Here's what I've come up with so far:

1.  Stop writing personal notes in every single Christmas letter. While I like to do it, it's making the process impossibly slow for me, not to mention the fact that we rarely receive  personal ones in return. I think most people just don't care.

2.   Don't post any more recipes on the recipe blog until after Christmas (or whenever I feel like it will be fun).  I had this grand notion that I would post a cool Christmas recipe every day up until Christmas, but who the heck cares?   Certainly no one but myself.

3.  Stop waiting for everything in my house to be perfect to entertain.  I'm ashamed to say that I can't even remember the last time we had a non-family member over for dinner.  I always have an excuse.  Let's wait until we finish the bathrooms (3 years ago), let's wait until we decorate properly (never going to happen), let's wait until the basement's done (hopefully soon), let's wait until we remodel the kitchen/dining room (probably 3+ years in the future).  At this rate we'll be old and retired before everything's "good enough", but in the meantime I shudder to think of the friendships we're not developing and the people we're not getting to know.

4.  Stop thinking that approval from others is more valuable than my own.  If I do something that I've worked hard on and am proud of, why do I think I'm a complete and utter failure when people don't shower me with accolades?

5.  Stop being so "routine".  While my routines serve me well in a lot of ways (cooking dinner, getting the kids to bed, reading the scriptures, having FHE, blogging, etc), I also feel like they hold me  back as well. For instance, my exercising.  I've gotten out of the routine somehow and seem incapable of shaking my routine up enough to add it back in there on a regular basis.  I need to figure out ways to be flexible and to start looking outside of our own little box of life for ways to be more people oriented.

Sorry to burden you with way too much into my muddled mind on this fine day, but it has been a cathartic and healing post for me to write.    I'm ready to go forward with a new train of thought and hope that if you ever see me straying back to my "Hard Button" ways, that you will  feel free to remind me of my new path.  

PS   I've turned off the comments for this post.

I Want My Money Back...

Dear "Three Wolf Moon Shirt" Makers,

I recently purchased my first Three Wolf Moon shirt (exhibit A). I was a little nervous that something with such legendary powers could possibly be on sale for $6.99, but when I read the attached promise (exhibit B) that it was genuine and would change my life forever I knew it would be worth every penny.

Click on picture to view larger.

I was most particularly interested in the weight loss, free food, and large sums of money promises. I was also secretly hoping that my blogging would go from "goofy lady with five kids and a weird sense of humor" (exhibit C) to "witty lady with a lot of insightful things to say". A tall order, but surely not beyond the realm of three wolf moon magic.

Well, where do I begin to tell you about my experiences?

First...the weight loss promise. Since the promise clearly stated "extreme weight loss" and I only have 20 pounds or so, I thought I'd offset it with a new diet of brownies and cupcakes (exhibit D). My scale broke when I stepped on it so I can't give you any solid numbers, but I'm pretty sure this promise is going great. My husband has never told me how slender and lovely I am so many times in such a short period of time.

Second...the free food. I don't really go to many fast food restaurants, so I was hoping that the promise would carry over to the grocery store instead. This one isn't going so well. Not only have I not gotten any free food, but I can't seem to leave the grocery store with less than $150 worth of stuff. To add insult to injury, I've had to go home and cook it myself. Seven times last week I had to make dinner for my family. Seven times!! What kind of magic is that? (exhibit E)

Third...the large sums of money. I did wrestle away a dollar bill from this scary guy with a gun the other day (exhibit F). That may not seem like much, but since it increased the cash in my wallet by 100% I'll give you a little leeway on that one.

Lastly and most importantly...super sweet blogging skills. I was really hoping that this would fall into the "and a host of other incredible feats that you never would have conceived of" promise, but clearly the fact that I conceived it must have made that promise null and void (exhibit G).

In short, while an intriguing experiment into the supernatural, I am officially asking for my money back. All $7.34 of it. Please send it to my New Moon Edward Fan Club fund at...

Sincerely,
Lara

Cool Clouds

We've been having some wild weather lately that's gotten me to gotten me to point my camera somewhere other than at the faces of my kids. For some reason my kids don't seem to mind a bit.
These clouds in particular struck me as really cool.

Cool enough that it got me to drive to the top of the Metro garage to get a better view.

Lately though, I've been getting the strangest feeling that the sky is trying to tell me something....

now if I could just figure out what it is....