Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Remedial Instruction

After spending the last 10 days in the company of grizzled, unshowered men, Glen came home from Maine with a need for a little remedial education in the art of complimenting women (namely me). I've decided that in an effort to reeducate him, I would use this opportunity to provide some helpful hints for the rest of you good-intentioned, but oft maligned men out there too.

First step: Learn the vocabulary

These are the kinds of words that you need to commit to memory:
Good: Beautiful, lovely, stunning, radiant, thin, hot, gorgeous, striking.

These are the words that need to be stricken from your vocabulary except for when speaking of your elderly neighbor:
Bad: Okay, fine, homey, matronly, stately, mature, adequate

Second step: Learn when to compliment

If you see your wife exhibiting any of the following behaviors please consult your list of acceptable adjectives quickly:

Trying on several outfits, turning this way and that in front of the mirror while sucking in her belly, standing in front of the closet sighing loudly, you get the picture....now is the time to start complimenting.

Don't wait for her to hint....just do it!

Third step: Be willing to back up your compliment with evidence (this is the part that takes the most practice, but believe me, your efforts will be well worth it).

It's possible that the compliment alone will make your wife smile and regain confidence, but just in case she's in need of a little extra reassurance make sure you have your complimentary reasoning in mind.

"Of course that dress makes you look thin and beautiful. That color reminds me of our wedding flowers and perfectly brings out the green in your eyes."

One last step: Never, ever, ever answer your wife or start complimenting her without looking up from the TV. It just ruins the effect.

PS ♥♥ I love you Glen and know that you only had the best intentions when you told me I looked homey on Sunday morning. You're my homey too.♥♥



Denise said...

lol! I so wish I had written this post...but I don't think my husband is quit as understanding as yours. lol!

K said...

Wow, he called you homey? I'm sorry. I hope he has since made up for it.

Good thing everyone knows what a great guy Glen is. (o:

Steve said...

Give the poor guy a break...after all he has been hanging around a bunch of "homey" (or is that
"gamey") men for a week plus.

Almost certain that he will be back to his normal complimentary self within a few days!!

Welcome home Glen! Wish I could have gone with you and Spence. I love Maine!

gg said...

In my defense (realizing I most likely am just digging a bigger pit here and that my hope is a lost cause), I looked up the definition of "homey" on the internet. Here is the first definition that came up.


Definition: having a feeling of home; cozy and comfortable; "the homely everyday atmosphere"; "a homey little inn"

Indeed, after 10 days in the wilderness with 5 other adult men and 12 young men, the sight of my lovely, stunning, radiant, thin, hot, gorgeous, striking (all these adjectives apply) was indeed "cozy and comfortable" to me.

Oh the world of semantics...

Sorry, honey. After 15 years, you'd think I'd have this lingo well in hand! Never forget that despite my inability to express my feelings in a way they are more clearly understood, I do completely adore you and am glad to be home with you again!!!

alexandra said...

Great job on a beautiful, lovely, stunning, radiant, thin, hot, gorgeous, striking post, Lara! (On second thought, maybe I should leave those words for Glen. Sounds a little weird coming from one girl to another.)

And good job on the conciliatory comment, Glen.

Now, I'm off to forward this post to my own husband.

Lolli said...

Hilarious post....but the best part was reading Glen's response. :)

Charlene said...

Hey!! It does work!! After my husband read this blog, the showering compliments coming from him were striking!

Lara said...

I may be homey, but I sure know how to pick a good husband. :) I love you Glen!

Honey Mommy said...

Wow. I don't know what I would do if my hubby said I looked "homey"!

Great advice. I should have my honey look at it!

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