Sunday, August 30, 2009

Instructions for starting your own WWLSWF chapter

What on earth is WWLSWF, you ask?

Good question, but after this blogpost no one will ever have to ask that question again. This is certain to be as big as tetherball soon enough and you will be privileged to have been in on it since its very foundations.

orld Wide Light Saber Wrestling Federation

Sounds complicated, but in actuality it's a fine new sporting organization dedicated to developing the humility and confidence of boys everywhere and we are its illustrious founders.

Since I believe this sport is destined to be the wave of the future I thought I'd just pre-empt all of your questions and just give you the low-down on starting your own chapter first thing.

1. Procure (either by force or creativity) at least 2 light sabers made of swimming noodles and PVC pipe handles, fastened with hot glue.
2. Procure (by marriage) one big burly man to be referee.

3. Procure (by multiplying and replenishing the earth) at least 2 boys in addition to whatever other assortment of children may come your way.

4. Assign one of the boys (Boy A) to be a good intentioned, but merciless tease, making others cry at least a couple of times a day.

5. Assign the other boy (Boy B) to be smaller and extremely competitive.

6. Give Boy A and Boy B each one light saber.

7. Let the dueling begin.

8. When Boy B begins crying and the intervention of other assorted children seems to be in vain, then it's time to bring in your big burly referee.

9. Big burly referee is to disarm and subdue Boy A

10. After Boy A is finally subdued, then Boy B and other assorted children are then given a free-for-all attack on Boy A

11. Free-for-all tactics may include light saber whacking, full blown wrestling, and swatting with "corner blankies".

12. Victory is achieved either when Boy A is in an arm-lock on the couch and has been whacked to the satisfaction of Boy B or one of the other assorted children accidentally gets injured in the commotion and starts screaming, whichever comes first. In our case it was the screaming.
13. If you are interested in owning your very own WWLSWF franchise, dues are $9,208 per year and include autographed photos of the very first WWLSWF wrestling match ever....sure to be worth millions someday.



Grandpa-Grandma said...

If we sign up now, can we have the exclusive rights to the western region??

We may need to talk about deferred royalties during the start-up months.

Thanks for the Sunday evening laughs!!

Mirien said...

Now I know why I read your blog. I could never have come up with such an idea on my own. It may take me awhile to save up my dues, but I can totally picture a WWLSWF match in my own home. And when we get a little practice, I'll put up my BOY A against your BOY A for the national title.

Andie said...

Oh, my gosh, FUNNY!

K said...

that last comment was really Kristina.

Thomas said...

I'm guessing AL was part of the action?
Looks like fun!

Deanne said...

I love the menacing look on Boy A's face in that first picture! You can tell he can't wait for the games to begin.

annalisa said...

actually i was not really part of the action, but i was a highly entertained spectator :)
it was definitely funny to watch.

big burly man/referee said...

Light saber, I don't need no stinking light saber!

Uncle George said...

Obi-Wan would be proud!

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