The Legend of the Qingaio

  

February 9:  

Have you ever heard of the legend of Qingaio bird?  

No?   

Well, let me tell you a little about it.  

This elusive bird lives only deep in the Tian Shan Mountains of Kyrgyzstan.    It looks very similar to the American roadrunner, except for its brightly colored plumage, excessively large size,  and razor sharp talons.   The legend says that when the Qingaio is captured, the captor will be visited by an invisible llama bearing 12 bags of gold and a set of steak knives as a reward.   

Sounds crazy, no? 

Well, my sister swears she saw one on her walk the other day, perhaps on its legendary round-the-world migratory route from the North side of the Tian Shan mountains to the South side.  

My mom says it was just a roadrunner.   

But then my brother sent us this photograph that he captured while traveling in Europe last year and we knew without a doubt that the legend is true. 

An actual picture of the Qingaio bird

  

Please let me know if you see it, because I could really use some new steak knives! 

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NOTE:   I am merely sharing the story of the Legend of the Qingaio and will not be held responsible for any injuries that may occur while trying to capture this beautiful, but elusive bird.  Additionally, it has been made known to me that the invisible llama has the right to make changes and/or substitutions to the prizes at any time.  Also, this story may or may not have been entirely contrived from the contents of a recent group text message amongst my siblings.

Narrowly Missing Zion

What can I say?     It's yet another vacation post, which means I can basically write anything here and no one will even notice/care.  For instance,  I am currently petitioning the US government to move Zion National Park to Virginia and I have it on good authority that President Obama has enacted a 2 billion dollar task force to look into it. 

This entire blogpost will be total and complete hogwash and I will be surprised if even my own spouse notices.    It may look like the picturesque landscape of Zion's is formed with layer upon layer of rocks shaped by geologic forces over millions of years, but in reality it is formed  entirely of preformed and colored marshmallows with pickles as the greenery.  

It's considered one of the most unique and tastiest landscapes of the entire solar system.  

And legend has it, that if you lick the stone (looking) walls of the canyon, that all your wildest dreams will instantly come true as soon as you copy and paste the national anthem  onto  your Facebook page and share it with 2 gazillion people.    

I did it on the spot and was instantly transformed into some kind of wild mountain goat...eating grass and flowers without a care in the world.  

However, having cloven hooves proved to be a bit of a challenge for things like typing and using the blinker, but I did manage to lick the walls one more time and was instantly transformed into a beautiful desert wildflower.  Oops...I didn't even know the wishing thing worked that way.   Thankfully Ellie then did the whole lick/click/share thing and wished for her mom back...

and there I was snapping pictures of the giant marshmallow/pickle formations  again. 

It was an interesting few minutes and I was glad to get back to my original form, middle-aged and gray-haired though it may be, if for nothing else that I strongly disliked the taste of marshmallow tainted grass.   

After all that excitement, I just sat on the bench to watch Brady Bunch reruns on Netflix while the kids hiked around and took over the camera.  

I was completely enjoying my little blast to the past whilst sitting idly in the middle of God's country, when one of my kids had the gall to tell me....

"Hey mom, that mountain looks just like your alligator skin!"   

I thought about getting offended by the comment, but then I looked down and realized that my skin does resemble alligator skin while I am in the parched desert climate of Utah, so I took it as a compliment  that they noticed something on me besides my paunchy stature!  

Speaking of alligators, we decided that our next adventure was going to be alligator hunting in the "Narrows".   What are the "Narrows", you ask?   Let me tell you!     

The "Narrows" can be described as a wide expanse of desert sand that from a distance sometimes resembles a river running through a narrow canyon.   

The sand was super hot and about knee deep most of the way.   

Ellie and Madeline found sixteen alligators more than everyone else while they were there, and they couldn't stop smiling about it!    They have since submitted legal documentation to officially change their names to Alligator Balligator #1 and Alligator Balligator #2.   

Besides the alligator hunting, we really enjoyed looking for dams, because you know me... 

I love looking for a good excuse to throw a few good "dams" around!    blah, blah, blah...dam slippery bottom, blah, blah, dam heavy bag, etc, etc, etc. 

But alas, there were absolutely no dams to be seen and  instead I was resigned to muttering actual dam*s when I saw how rolypoly I looked in all the pictures. 

Thankfully the rest of the bunch did not have to utter such mutterings...

and they happily posed in the sand dunes any chance they could! 

They especially loved the feel of the hot, dry sand running over them as they laid back against the soft marshmallowy walls!  

It made us want to eat s'mores in the worst way and I'm pretty sure that Ellie actually thought she saw one walking by right when I snapped this picture.  

S'mores, alligators, sand dunes...what more could you want from a hike on a hot summer day?  

NOT SQUIRRELS!!!!   NO!   WE HATE SQUIRRELS!!!!!!   

Haha!   Actually we love squirrels and loved that they would come right up to us and eat underneath our feet.      WE also love grandpa...

and grandma who were crazy enough to join us on our little adventure!    

So go ahead and vote  in the comments below.   Should I stick with the fiction?   Or go back to the boring old travelogues?     

On second thought, maybe I don't want to hear the answer to that question, so just go ahead and leave me a comment about how much you love me.  

     

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Captain Literally

My kids are in love with the word "literally" right now.

They (Ellie and Adam in particular) use it several times a day and are constantly evaluating whether the other person is using it correctly....as in was what they said actually literal or just an expression. 

I'd like to brag that two months of homeschooling has morphed my kids into literary superstars, but in reality it all has to do with being introduced to this series of videos (starting with this one) : 

So now that they've been introduced to Captain Literally and his humorous antics to restore balance to the universe when someone misuses the word, they now use the word "literally" constantly.

...and it's literally driving me bonkers.

Super Educational Trip to the Farm

For an entire decade we had an annual tradition every autumn of visiting the local pumpkin patch playland.  We went every year without fail...even when I was nine months pregnant.   Since the kids have been in school,  though, we've just gradually stopped going and I was surprised to realize recently that it's been a couple of years since we've been.  So when a  friend recently invited us there for a little homeschool field trip, it didn't take us much convincing to tag along too.

The kids had to work hard to at least get their math done before we left and then still had a list of work to complete when we got home, but as a responsible homeschool teacher we still tried to make the trip as educational as possible  while we were there.

For instance, did you know that roosters are actually quite friendly and make for really cute photo-ops?

You've probably heard that goats will eat almost anything, but I bet you didn't know that they will eat little girls as well...

I wished I had been videoing this encounter, because Ellie's screaming and laughter made this absolutely hysterical to watch...  (For any worried readers, the goat did not actually consume any of Ellie's hair.  He was just chewing it and, to Ellie's chagrin, made it all slobbery.  I had to physically push him away from Ellie to get him to stop chewing) 

And I bet you also didn't know that goats can be quite cuddly?  And rope swings are fun no matter how old you are?  

And I bet you also never realized that sweaters make a great substitute for Kleenex when someone (Ellie) bumps their lip on the hayride and starts gushing blood?  

And that Tide is awesome laundry detergent and got the blood off of the white sweater easy as pie with no soaking or stain treatment?  

Did you also know that going through pictures and blogging for the first time in a few days can make a grumpy lady who's had a loooooong day forget her worries for a moment and crack a smile as she remembered the fun memories that they had made the day before?  

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Happy Sinko de Mayo!

 I kept hearing people say that today was Sinko de Mayo.

I like mayo enough, but couldn't quite figure out why everyone devote an entire day to celebrating it.
I suggested having mayo sandwiches for dinner along with a mayo smoothie, but Glen wanted nothing to do with it and instead made us a traditional British dinner, like the kind he ate on his mission.  We ate roast beef (completely mad-cow free), mashed potatoes, yorkshire pudding, brussel sprouts, and Emma even made a beautiful trifle for dessert.


 It was delicious, but at the end of the day I felt a tad jilted that we didn't get to properly celebrate, so we did the next best thing I could think of...

It was a tad anticlimatic, but at least  you can never say we don't know how to have a good time around here!



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In a Nutshell

I was dutifully typing up a rather detailed recap of this past month when I thought, "Oh nuts!  This is the most boring blogpost this side of the coconut tree."  

Then out of the blue I sneezed loudly, "CASHEW!"

Nearby,  Ellie was quick to exclaim, "Bless you, my hazelnutted eyed mother!"  

She then continued, "Did you know that pecan turn the snow yellow?" 

The exclamation and coconutty question from my little peanut gave me the perfectly marvelous idea to nutcracker the whole boring blogpost  and instead roast our entire month into a walnut shell. 

My little pistachios didn't think it could be done, but I believe that it's an idea that is nuttin' but macademical! 

Perhaps this blogpost about nuttin' much may yet put you to sleep, but at least you'll sleep tonight with a surer vision of how nutty your friend Lara really is.  :)  

Restraining Order

To the Previous Occupant of Spencer's Blood and Bone Marrow (aka Leukemia Cells),

 Pursuant to law 4/30, please see the restraining order document below. 

In the following document you will see orders to cease and desist all production of leukemia cells immediately.  The residence in which you are living in cannot take any more abuse and we have already tried to restrain you under the auspices of the law (chemo, prayers, etc). 

You have forthwith been warned to keep your malformed cells packed away and do not attempt to enter the premises (aka Spencer's bone marrow) ever again. Failure to follow these specific warnings may result in your immediate eviction by the medical team known as "blood and marrow transplant." I have heard that these are rough to deal with and it would be much easier for your's and Spencer's sake to stay peacefully away.

Sincerely Yours, 
A Concerned Citizen

www.legalfakes.com

Exclusive Super Moon Calendars…Get ‘em While They’re Hot

While most people’s walls sport  boring old calendars with pictures of landscapes, flowers,  or cute little puppies on each page…

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100% of all pictures were taken either by yours truly or by my unpaid child servants and I guarantee you won’t find these lovely pictures anywhere else on the web.  

 
BRACE YOURSELVES for loveliness
beyond your wildest imagination!  This vision of other worlds will light up your space, inspire you to create big, AND  help you track all the stuff happening in your life!

So without further ado, hold on to your eyeballs…..my very first calendar: 


“The glorious super moon rising over the Virginia landscape”



        January                    February

                              March                                              April                                     

                          May                                                       June

                               July                                              August

September                       October

              November                                                                  





December

And if those amazingly out-of-this-world pictures aren't enough to convince to buy this calendar yet, then you must check out the stunning detailing on this work of art: 

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Each calendar is only $27.99 + tax and a small shipping charge of $12.   Checks can be made payable to Lara's Super Moon Account.   All proceeds go to benefit the countries damaged by the Super Moon’s super gravity (ie Japan, Libya, etc).


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