Monday, September 28, 2015

Narrowly Missing Zion

What can I say?     It's yet another vacation post, which means I can basically write anything here and no one will even notice/care.  For instance,  I am currently petitioning the US government to move Zion National Park to Virginia and I have it on good authority that President Obama has enacted a 2 billion dollar task force to look into it. 

This entire blogpost will be total and complete hogwash and I will be surprised if even my own spouse notices.    It may look like the picturesque landscape of Zion's is formed with layer upon layer of rocks shaped by geologic forces over millions of years, but in reality it is formed  entirely of preformed and colored marshmallows with pickles as the greenery.  

It's considered one of the most unique and tastiest landscapes of the entire solar system.  

And legend has it, that if you lick the stone (looking) walls of the canyon, that all your wildest dreams will instantly come true as soon as you copy and paste the national anthem  onto  your Facebook page and share it with 2 gazillion people.    

I did it on the spot and was instantly transformed into some kind of wild mountain goat...eating grass and flowers without a care in the world.  

However, having cloven hooves proved to be a bit of a challenge for things like typing and using the blinker, but I did manage to lick the walls one more time and was instantly transformed into a beautiful desert wildflower.  Oops...I didn't even know the wishing thing worked that way.   Thankfully Ellie then did the whole lick/click/share thing and wished for her mom back...

and there I was snapping pictures of the giant marshmallow/pickle formations  again. 

It was an interesting few minutes and I was glad to get back to my original form, middle-aged and gray-haired though it may be, if for nothing else that I strongly disliked the taste of marshmallow tainted grass.   

After all that excitement, I just sat on the bench to watch Brady Bunch reruns on Netflix while the kids hiked around and took over the camera.  

I was completely enjoying my little blast to the past whilst sitting idly in the middle of God's country, when one of my kids had the gall to tell me....

"Hey mom, that mountain looks just like your alligator skin!"   

I thought about getting offended by the comment, but then I looked down and realized that my skin does resemble alligator skin while I am in the parched desert climate of Utah, so I took it as a compliment  that they noticed something on me besides my paunchy stature!  

Speaking of alligators, we decided that our next adventure was going to be alligator hunting in the "Narrows".   What are the "Narrows", you ask?   Let me tell you!     

The "Narrows" can be described as a wide expanse of desert sand that from a distance sometimes resembles a river running through a narrow canyon.   

The sand was super hot and about knee deep most of the way.   

Ellie and Madeline found sixteen alligators more than everyone else while they were there, and they couldn't stop smiling about it!    They have since submitted legal documentation to officially change their names to Alligator Balligator #1 and Alligator Balligator #2.   

Besides the alligator hunting, we really enjoyed looking for dams, because you know me... 

I love looking for a good excuse to throw a few good "dams" around!    blah, blah, blah...dam slippery bottom, blah, blah, dam heavy bag, etc, etc, etc. 

But alas, there were absolutely no dams to be seen and  instead I was resigned to muttering actual dam*s when I saw how rolypoly I looked in all the pictures. 

Thankfully the rest of the bunch did not have to utter such mutterings...

and they happily posed in the sand dunes any chance they could! 

They especially loved the feel of the hot, dry sand running over them as they laid back against the soft marshmallowy walls!  

It made us want to eat s'mores in the worst way and I'm pretty sure that Ellie actually thought she saw one walking by right when I snapped this picture.  

S'mores, alligators, sand dunes...what more could you want from a hike on a hot summer day?  


Haha!   Actually we love squirrels and loved that they would come right up to us and eat underneath our feet.      WE also love grandpa...

and grandma who were crazy enough to join us on our little adventure!    

So go ahead and vote  in the comments below.   Should I stick with the fiction?   Or go back to the boring old travelogues?     

On second thought, maybe I don't want to hear the answer to that question, so just go ahead and leave me a comment about how much you love me.  



Lillian S T said...

Your posts always make my day!

Karey said...

Ha-ha! Thanks for the laughs tonight! :)

Matthew K said...

We love you Lara! You are also kind of weird, just sayin'.

Matthew K said...

Hey, my wife and I commented at almost the same time but in different parts of the house. Sometimes Karey and I finish each other's...

Lara said...

Ha! I was right! I can write anything and not even my own spouse, nor my sister who is pictured in this post, will notice! :) Thanks for being awesome, Lillian, Matt, and Karey!

Matthew K said...

By the way, Karey was too busy finishing my sandwich to comment again.

The Vengeful Raccoon said...

That "stone" licking thing didn't work for me. I tried it and all I got was a cavity from all the sugar. And I'm a raccoon, so it takes a lot to give me a cavity. :(

GG said...

I noticed - and I ALWAYS notice! It may take me a little while, but I have read, and loved, every word of every post you have ever made. I love your blog - it is a treasure of a family record!!! More than that, I love you a whole, whole lot and like a bag a cashew nuts!

Jennifer McArthur said...

You are freaking hilarious and witty and clever. Anything you write, on any topic, is always a pleasure to read.

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