Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas Card Confessional

I felt like there were some slight misunderstandings pervading from our Christmas letter & card this year, therefore I have put together the following list of de facto disclaimers. 

rough draft of letter (not quite complete): (inserted 3 years later)

You'd think that after a lead-in like "Alleluia" that we'd have something exciting to put here.   

So instead we'll treat you to the latest and greatest news about our in-depth health news...

Well, Glen's tooth really...blah...blah.....and Ellie's EEG....blah...blah....

Okay, okay.  Now that we've got that out of the way, we'll get on to the really juicy stuff you've been waiting for.
We're fine.  The kids are fine. The dog is fine.  The house is even fine after the ginormous 5.8 DC earthquake.  Too bad our Corolla is not fine and now we own two minivans, which is not fine either. 

And since I just can't resist, here's some more boring stuff:

Spencer's (16) driver's license is eagerly awaiting the completion of his Eagle scout project, which has yet to be started.  After just a few short months, we are pleased to announce that Cami (14) is already a pro at getting up for early morning seminary.  Her secret?  Four alarm clocks.  Emma (11) is a 'tween' in every sense of the word.  'Nuff said.  Adam's (9) third grade homework has successfully introduced a new stress and decibel level into our home, the likes which have never before been seen.   Ellie (6) loves to talk and dance and talk and draw and write and run and color and talk some more.  In fact, it seems like the only time she ever stops is when she's having one of her numerous absence seizures, a topic which she will happily and matter-of-factly talk to anyone about.  Lara (28) is young, amusing, and humble as ever as she wends her way through the busy life of parenting five kids.  Glen (40) is still the hottest man in DC and although he has no idea why he let his  wife of 18 years write the Christmas letter each year.  

a)  I am not actually 28 years old and I did not start birthing children at age 12.  I'm actually 22ish.   I simply froze my age in time after having Spencer. Sorry for the confusion. 

b) Despite me mentioning the "ginormous DC earthquake of 2011", which may have led some people to believe that we felt it ourselves, it actually occurred while we were out of town.  Our house, as mentioned though, was fine with nary a picture askew.

c) Although our family silhouette/sunset/jumping photo looks like it was taken in an exotic locale, it was, in fact,  taken in the middle of a child's playground in Rapid City, South Dakota.

d)  I've had several people ask me who our photographer was for the jumping shot, but since he did not properly introduce himself to us, we just call him Random Guy Walking By (heretofore referred to as R.G.W.B.).  I took pictures of R.G.W.B.'s family in exchange for him taking a few of us, but I humbly admit that the pictures I took turned out much better than R.G.W.B's. 

e)  Glen has never truly wondered why he lets me write the Christmas letter each year.  He willingly lets me write it each year,  because he knows dang well that it's the only way it would ever get written or sent. 

f)  I have no idea what sarcasm is.



Clarinda said...

Lara, seriously, you are one of the funniest people I know! :)

annalisa said...

Thanks for the laugh!

K said...

We loved your Christmas letter and picture! I think you're funny. There is no doubt you are sarcastic since you are a Crain.

steve-rosanna said...

You were taught the language of sarcasm from your infancy. Initially, we wanted to teach you Francais, but you stumbled rolling your "Rrrrs" so we switched to sarcasm.

Also thanks for identifying R.G.W.B. as the portrait taker. We laid awake all night wondering who it was and who to give credit to.

Thanks for clarifying. ;o)

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