Sometimes I just start thinking about everything.
I think about when Ellie first started having seizures and how scared and overwhelmed we were.
Our hearts were broken as we worried about how the frequent seizures would affect her life and even more so as she reacted so poorly to the medications. Now she at least is on a medication that isn't causing horrible side effects, but we still struggle with the fact that she still has many, many seizures a day.
Then I think of how just a little over a year after Ellie's diagnosis we were blindsided with Spencer's leukemia and Glen's subsequent job loss. Our lives were turned upside down for half-a-year and we worried every moment of every day what the future would hold for our son. While Spence has remained in remission and Glen does have a job now, we still worry about potential relapse.
There's no two ways around the fact that it's been a hard few years.
And sometimes the weight of it all seems overwhelming.
I still worry if I did things to cause their ailments. I wonder if we dealt with everything the "right" way. And I wonder if I'll ever get my groove back again. Some days I feel like I'm 20-years older than I was three years ago.
Thank goodness for little boosts like discovering this quote written in Ellie's general conference notebook:
I think about when Ellie first started having seizures and how scared and overwhelmed we were.
Our hearts were broken as we worried about how the frequent seizures would affect her life and even more so as she reacted so poorly to the medications. Now she at least is on a medication that isn't causing horrible side effects, but we still struggle with the fact that she still has many, many seizures a day.
Then I think of how just a little over a year after Ellie's diagnosis we were blindsided with Spencer's leukemia and Glen's subsequent job loss. Our lives were turned upside down for half-a-year and we worried every moment of every day what the future would hold for our son. While Spence has remained in remission and Glen does have a job now, we still worry about potential relapse.
There's no two ways around the fact that it's been a hard few years.
And sometimes the weight of it all seems overwhelming.
I still worry if I did things to cause their ailments. I wonder if we dealt with everything the "right" way. And I wonder if I'll ever get my groove back again. Some days I feel like I'm 20-years older than I was three years ago.
Thank goodness for little boosts like discovering this quote written in Ellie's general conference notebook:
"As individuals we are strong. Together, with God, we are unstoppable."
It's a quote by Rosemary Wixom from Women's Conference and I was impressed that she picked it out from all the talks as meaningful enough to write down. It's something I needed to remember right now.
While I can never deny the comfort and strength that we felt so acutely when we were in the midst of those trials, I often let my day-to-day busyness get in the way of allowing myself to feel that same comfort now.
How grateful I am for the perspective that my faith in God gives me and for this Easter season to reflect on what Christ's atonement truly means to me.
While I can never deny the comfort and strength that we felt so acutely when we were in the midst of those trials, I often let my day-to-day busyness get in the way of allowing myself to feel that same comfort now.
How grateful I am for the perspective that my faith in God gives me and for this Easter season to reflect on what Christ's atonement truly means to me.
1 comment:
Lara, I so admire your faith and courage, and little Ellie's, too. Love to you both . . .
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