Thank Goodness for Old Friends!

So a few weeks ago, I sent out  "We Moved" cards to everyone on our Christmas list.  The underlying purpose was to beat the rush and hope that none of our Christmas cards would get lost in the mail, but it also served the unexpected purpose of notifying old friends how to get a hold of us.  After sending them out, I had several old friends reach out to us.  Here is a recap of some of the connections we've made in the last few weeks.  💗 

A couple weeks ago, we went to dinner with the Lowes and the Bowens {old friends of ours from Virginia} and had a delightful evening catching up with some of the most wonderful people God ever put on the earth.  Seriously!  Take out those two middle people and you're looking at the best of the best! 

The next day, we attended the baptism of Eli Richards...our down the street neighbor in PA and one of the bright spots from our time in Pennsylvania. The Richards are the sweetest family and we felt so blessed to have been able to have been their neighbors for that year!

And then later that week, we had Riley and Olivia {and their families} over.  Riley and Olivia were sister missionaries serving in our ward when Cami left on her mission and they were my sanity during that time!    I missed Cami desperately {this was in the days before weekly phone calls} and they were missing their homes and families too.   So we formed a strong bond, like I never had with any other missionary before.   We received their packages from home, so they wouldn't have to wait for them to be delivered from the mission home. I sent messages/updates to their moms when something needed to be communicated on a non-P-day.  They'd stop in front of our house to "borrow" our internet {back when missionaries didn't have cell service}.   They were my surrogate daughters while Cami was gone and I liked to think I was a bit like a surrogate mom to them while they were far from their homes.

We ate dinner and played games, and just enjoyed being together again! 

 These were relationships that meant the world to me and seeing them again was just what I needed!   

Riley and her husband, Mitch, have a sweet baby girl named, Blake, that I very much enjoyed snuggling through the evening!  Doesn't a baby girl look natural in my arms?   {ONLY ONE MORE WEEK UNTIL I HAVE MY OWN GRANDBABY TO HOLD!!!}  😁

A few days later, I went to a wedding and got to see another bright light from Pennsylvania!   Amanda is a dear friend and helped me to feel loved and valued, especially after feeling so hurt in the other ward.   I will forever be grateful that Heavenly Father brought us to this other ward, and did not allow our time in PA to end on a negative note.  

Last but not least, the Palmers came to town!  Amy and I embarked into homeschooling at the same time and she was my sanity and savior many times over in that journey!   Our youngest three kids lined up in age and they are all as dear friends with each other as I am with Amy.   It was good for my heart and soul to sit down and have a chat with her again.   

In the end, I decided that I can be patient with Utah.   

I've got my book group all scheduled out for the new year and we start our new ward on Sunday.   Maybe we'll make some new good friends along the way...maybe we won't.   In the meantime, I'm going to embrace the old friends that always  seem to find their way to Utah.   

💓💓💓    

Thoughts on a Foggy Morning

The air was unseasonably warm and humid for a November morning and the autumn colors seemed muted and gray in the morning fog.  

 The patchy fog was so thick, it was easy to imagine that I was walking amongst the clouds, weightless and without a care in the world.  Only the solid ground beneath my feet brought me back to a sense of my reality.   A reality that is anything but weightless, ever moving, ever full of lists of things that have to be done.      

It was through that ethereal dream-like atmosphere that I walked along, where I was continually met with a sense of wonder and delight as  dark forms cloaked in a hundred shades of gray... 

sprang to life as I drew nearer.  

 Vibrant colors emerging from their wispy cloaks...

  

and reminded me that life is beautiful and solid ground isn't such a bad place to be.  

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Zipping Along

Right before we left on our vacation, I caught the stomach bug that had been already plagued several members of our family.   It was the first time in years that I'd been sick enough to want/need to stay in bed all day and I was disappointed to have to cancel a couple of things I had on my calendar.   In the midst of lying there, feeling gross, unenergetic, and really wanting to be more productive than my body was allowing, I decided to get caught up on a few blog posts that I'd fallen behind on.    A few hours later, I had nine blog posts scheduled to post every couple of days the whole time we were on vacation.   I was so excited to finally be caught up and I had grand visions of continuing to blog while we were on vacation, so that I had some leeway built into my blogging schedule (and perhaps more time to blog creatively).   Too bad our schedule on vacation was jam-packed and did not allow much in the way of unfilled time to blog.  Actually it wasn't actually "too bad", since we had a wonderful vacation filled with outings, hikes, visits, and lots and lots of time with family, but alas all my pre-scheduled blogposts are published and I'm back to flying by the seat of my pants again. 

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ZIPPING ALONG

So  someone recently commented to us that they didn't like to spend money on traveling and that they strongly preferred to have someTHING to show for the way they spent their money and not some nebulous experience.   I understood them...to a point, but had to disagree.  While I don't think that you have to spend a lot of money to have a good memorable experience  with your family,  even vacations on the cheap cost something.  And I think family vacations are not just educational and horizon widening experiences, but very much can play an important role in strengthening the fibers that comprise the fabric of our family.   

So  while we are not quite the world travelers that most of my family are, we do make going on vacations a priority each year.   And we cut corners wherever we can...

 We almost always drive instead of fly.  We use points to pay  for our hotels.  We eat simply, either buying food from a grocery store or forgoing the fries and drinks at fast food restaurants and getting only the main course.  The kids sometimes grumble at having only water and fresh fruit to go with  the meal, but they just know that that's what we do and it's not only more economical, but it's healthier too!  

Basically we skimp on whatever we can, so that we can have enough of our vacation budget left to have experiences like this....

A ziplining and adventure course in the mountains of Montana!   

We really love providing physically challenging experiences for the kids, because we feel like it offers them the opportunity to feel the satisfaction of overcoming their fears or insecurities to accomplish something challenging.    

Ziplining itself isn't strenuous, but it does require climbing to uncomfortable heights, walking on unsteady surfaces, exercising patience, and eventually feeling the thrill of soaring over the beautiful landscape.

It's something that even Ellie can do.   We witnessed her having a few seizures during the experience,  even one while she was in a shaky, precarious position that could have easily resulted in her slipping off the edge, but we knew that no harm could befall her because of the double-locked safety harnesses that we were attached to us 100% of the time we were in the air.  

Seeing the dedicated looks of concentration on their faces while they performed their difficult task and then the exulted look of accomplishment and excitement on their faces at the end of each zip was pretty priceless!  

We finished it all with a great  conversation on how, like on the zip course, they can overcome challenges that they may face in their lives.   Sometimes they may feel like they're on shaky ground, in uncomfortable situations, or with a herculean task before them that they can't see the end of, but if they put one foot in front of another, concentrate, and trust in  the safety harnesses of faith and family...they can overcome.    

My Thoughts on Introversion and Extroversion

Carl Jung was the psychologist who first introduced the concepts of introversion and extroversion.  He held to the theory that people had inborn tendencies that caused them to process the world in different, but predictable ways.   He defined extroversion as the tendency to focus energy outwards to the world of people, places, and things.   Introversion he described as the tendency to focus our energy  inwards to the world of thoughts and ideas.

Modern psychologists now know that  introversion and extroversion aren't so much as definitive labels, but that most people fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, often leaning one way or the other, but not fitting either definition exactly.  Additionally, psychologists have further delineated that a lot of what makes an introvert an introvert and an extrovert an extrovert, is not about social skills as much as it is where people gain and use their energy.   Introverts tend to rejuvenate by turning inward, extroverts by being with people.   It doesn't mean that introverts don't like social settings or being with people, or that extroverts never like being alone.  It's just that to an introvert social interactions can drain them and in order to regain their energy they need some time to be alone.  And that too much alone time for an extrovert can feel suffocating.   Most laypeople do not understand these concepts however, and there are many pervading societal misperceptions regarding the terms.

Extroverts often view introverts as anti-social or shy, while introverts see extroverts as demanding and loud.   While there are certainly individuals who fit those stereotypes, the truth is is that the vast majority of people, including most of the members of the family I grew up in,  exhibit traits of both to one extent or another.

Interestingly though, neither of my parents are anywhere near the middle.   They both lie on the extreme opposite ends of the spectrum and it's created some very interesting dynamics in my family over the years.   My dad is an extreme extrovert who absolutely hates being alone, loves making connections with every single person who happens to cross his path, and would love to host and attend dinner parties on a weekly basis.   If he had it his way, he would never even so much as fill up his gas tank without a companion to talk to on the way there.   My mom, on the other hand, is a very private person who, as long as she had a telephone to text and call her family,  I believe would be perfectly happy to live alone on a deserted island, with a library of books and newspapers as her only companions.    To her, people are best kept a distance and hosting them at your home is about as draining as life gets.

I personally believe  that with my mom's extreme need for privacy and alone time that having eight kids may have been a difficult challenge for her (correct me if I'm wrong, Mom).    She was attentive to our needs, but often would lose herself in books  and adamantly avoided discussing uncomfortable subjects.     On the other hand, I think that having all eight kids leave home eventually was a big challenge for my dad who really misses having kids to run to the post office with or to watch a show with him.    He liked having a multitude of companions to keep him company.

So with parents on both ends of the spectrum, we have quite a mix amongst us kids.   I think all of us tend towards the introverted side (needing that alone time to rejuvenate our energies), but we do have a pretty wide variation within those introverted tendencies.

On a scale of 1-10 with 1-being the most introverted and 10 being the most extroverted, I would place myself solidly at 4.5.   I definitely have a need to be with people and enjoy making social connections, but also definitely need my alone time (often writing here on the blog) to rejuvenate my spirits.  On the other hand, big parties / large conferences are a huge source of anxiety to me and I often will avoid going unless I have someone with whom I know I can partner up with.  

Glen is probably more like a 2-3 on the scale, a fact which has been something that we've had to work on in the 21-years we've been married.    His social needs are extremely low and I feel like with me leaning introverted myself, we often get in a rut of being pretty anti-social as a couple.  It doesn't bother him at all, while sometimes I feel discouraged at not having anyone to push me to reach out to others around us.  Sometimes even having the kids' friends over seems like a stretch for me.  After 21-years though, I think we're mostly in a peace about it now, and it helps to have a better understanding of the needs of an introvert (for myself and for him).

And I think that that's what makes the study of psychology so interesting and helpful.  I am fascinated with trying to learn about what makes people tick and I think that this kind of discussion is extremely beneficial in learning to work together in relationships.   When you know what their needs are and respect that, you can help build on each other's strengths.    For instance, Glen knows that I need my blogging alone time or I get grumpy.  He respects that and doesn't judge or question why I'm not doing something more productive.  Additionally, he knows that sometimes he cannot meet my needs for social conversations.   I love to talk and discuss issues, and he frankly often finds that kind of conversation circular and draining, so I've learned not to push him to participate when he is reticent about it.   Also, he has learned to be patient with my daily phone calls to siblings and/or parents and I am grateful that he understands that that sacrifice is something that helps fill a need for me and makes life less frustrating for him.  It's a win-win situation!

I found this graphic enlightening in my quest to understand my kids (and my siblings):

Graphic source:  http://www.soulmix.com/link/1047

 I think that it is a common notion that being an extrovert is somehow superior to being an introvert, however I firmly believe that this belief does a disservice to all involved.   There is no better or worse.   It's simply about learning to recognize what makes you and the people around you tick and then embracing the uniqueness of each individual.    It's the uniqueness that makes this world a beautiful place-- a world that would be very boring (and dysfunctional) if not for the different types of people who make the world go round!

Image source:  http://www.limitlesswellness.ca/introversion-extroversion-the-shadow-side-of-acting/

Quotes:
1.  "Most of us will be one or the other, but writing with your right hand doesn’t render your left hand inert. Similarly, an extroverted person can still do things that aren’t typically associated with extroversion. Meanwhile, introverts can learn to adapt to more extroverted scenarios, even if it might not come as naturally."

2.  "There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum."   Carl Jung

3.  "The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases."  Carl Jung

Books to read: 

The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Sources:
Test: http://www.danpink.com/assessment/
https://itomatsom.wordpress.com/2013/07/17/introvert-me/
http://www.soulmix.com/link/1047
http://www.hillinghypnotherapy.co.uk/personality-test-online/personality-testing-explained/extrovert-and-introvert-what-is-the-difference/

Inspiration

It's a rare occasion for me to leave town without my camera in tow.    And an even rarer feat to leave without my family.

This week I've done both.  

  

Late Tuesday night my sister-in-law Karey, Emma, and I set off for a grand adventure to Virginia Beach for a homeschool conference.    

Together we've spent the last few days at a stately old hotel and conference center situated  right in the heart of VA Beach city and directly on sands of the Atlantic Ocean.  The hotel is far from fancy, but the location is beautiful and it's hard not to love the opportunity to dip our toes into the ocean in between classes and speakers.  

 When I signed up to come to this conference, I expected to be taught all sorts of practical advice on how to teach multiple children and how to make our homeschool better.  I did get a lot of that, but even better, I also got to have the complete privilege of learning at the feet of other mothers and fathers who have felt similar tuggings in their hearts to bring their children home.  

I eagerly listened as they told  of how they incorporated gospel teachings into their children's educations and allowed their children to blossom and to grow at their own paces.  I was comforted to hear how many of their children  have gone on to be successful students at universities all over the country.   And the best part of all, I got to see the fruits of their labors.  Hundreds of LDS homeschool youth from 32 states and provinces, including Emma, came to the youth conference portion of the event.  These youth were invariably smart, well-mannered, socially confident, and kind.   They inspired me as much as their parents and were a testimony to all that homeschooling is about.   

More to come....

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Things that Matter

*The birth of sweet new babies.     *A sick grandparent on their deathbed.  

*A wedding of a daughter.     *A teenage cancer friend who passed away tonight.

*A friend who lost a young daughter to AML a few months ago and now faces a terminal illness in her husband.   

All of these are things that friends of mine are experiencing right now---in the last 24 hours-- 

and my heart is caught in this swirl of conflicting emotions of joy and heartbreak.

I grin at the pictures of the chubby cheeked  newborn babies in the arms of their beaming parents and yet in the same moment cry tears of sadness for the friend who said goodbye to her sweet daughter tonight and another friend who prepares to say goodbye to her father-in-law. 

The mother in me longs to make everything all better for everyone, just like when I could kiss my toddlers' booboos and magically make their troubles go away.    Yet I know that against the crushing tide of grief, that my efforts alone will never be more than a mere bandaid on a gushing wound.   I  reach out in comfort, pray for them, and seek to relieve their suffering the best I can, but ultimately the peace that they long for has to come from within the chambers of their own heart....from God.   

For God is the healer who can heal all wounds.    

All of these happenings have led me to ponder on  the ups and downs that life brings each of us and  yearn to hold onto those ups  better and stop dwelling on the downs.  I want to learn to not only recognize better the beauty in the simple moments that can often go unnoticed in a day,  but also to cultivate in my heart a greater capacity to savor those moments.  

  

 To rejoice with my daughter as a cute guy in her seminary class asks her to Mormon Prom. 

To soak in the sun rays and truly enjoy the beauty of a glorious spring day.

To savor Ellie's joy at finally being able to  ride a bike without fear of what will happen if she has a seizure.  (she will stop pedaling, but not fall off or swerve into the street)

To let my heart soar in the realization that my kids truly enjoy being together.

And to watch with delight as Cami rallies the entire family, plus a few friends, to give them some  lacrosse pointers!

This picture reminds me of the quote Ellie wrote in her notebook a few weeks ago:

"By ourselves we are strong.  Together, with God, we are unstoppable."

 I'm too tired to feel unstoppable most days, but I like to think that sagging energy and all, that with  a renewed focus on my relationship with God and the things in life that matter most, that I can keep moving forward and making a difference

... one day at a time. 

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“ ...we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace.”                                                             —Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Living History

When I was a a kid, I found history boring.  I tried to like it, but all the names, places, and dates just seemed to blend together for me.  I would memorize the details just long enough to write the paper and ace the test, then I would forget it. 

Then one day almost sixteen years ago we moved to Baltimore.  We didn't really expect to live out this way long and we visited as many historical sites as we could to live up our time here.  In the process of those weekend outings we gradually fell in love with the area and the history that came with it.  All the random tidbits I remembered from my youth suddenly started connecting together and making sense to me.   In the decade and a half since moving to the area, our family has visited many amazing places all over the eastern US--from Williamsburg to Boston.   

History to my kids is not the same as history was to me as a young student.   While I certainly read about  Jamestown settlement in a book, it didn't mean much to me.  In fourth grade my kids read about it, then visit it, watch reenactments, and they come back with a meaningful connection and memory that most kids never get to experience.  During their elementary years, they visit early American, Revolutionary War, and Civil War sites all over the area, taking separate trips to Richmond, Jamestown/Yorktown, Philadelphia, Baltimore, DC, and Gettysburg. 

They walk onto replicas of the Mayflower.  They see the Liberty Bell in person.  They visit Abraham Lincoln's cottage.  They walk through the halls of George Washington's home at Mt. Vernon and meet actors dressed in period costume who demonstrate what life was like during Washington's time.   They sit in the very hall where our Founding Fathers risked everything and penned the Declaration of Independence and Constitution.  They drive through the fields of Gettysburg and leave with a greater understanding of the importance of the events that happened there.   They get to taste history in a way that most people never do. 

Yesterday I accompanied Emma on a field trip to Gettysburg.  Although I had been there many times before, we saw places I had never before visited and  I was especially struck at how meaningful the events were that transpired there. 

It's a fairly rural area, unremarkable by most standards, and most likely easily forgotten except for the events that transpired there in July 1863.  Now the fields are dotted with memorials, cannons, and graves. Buildings throughout the town are marked with plaques and museums are devoted to telling the world about what transpired there.

I felt blessed to be there with Emma and blessed to be reminded at what series of miracles it took to preserve this land we live in.

How grateful I am for the men and women who have risked their lives over the years to defend our freedom. 

I am proud to be an American and proud to have kids that are learning from an early age what a privilege that is!


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What to see in Gettysburg:

Gettysburg Museum and Visitor's Center (make time for the Cyclorama):   This museum is reminiscent of the Smithsonians and is very well done.   It may be a little boring for young kids, but the Cyclorama program is very cool.  It's a gigantic painting (shown in the last picture above) that encircles an entire room.  They have props set up around it that make it hard to tell where the props end and the painting begins.  They use lights and sounds with the painting to tell the story of Gettysburg.  It was the first time I'd ever seen it and I highly recommend it. 

Gettysburg Wax Museum:  The wax figures are a tad creepy looking (especially their eyes), but I liked how the figures were shown in many scenes leading up to and including the battle of Gettysburg.  It was perfect for someone who finds normal museums somewhat boring.  They also had a movie/wax figure enactment that was pretty cool to watch.  I liked hearing actors enact the Gettysburg address. 

Gettysburg Auto Tour:  You can either buy a cd from the visitors' center or even hire a tour guide to come into your car (this would be super cool) and you drive around the sites of Gettysburg while they are explained.  The cd tells you which way to turn and it's pretty hard to get lost. 

Chasing Fireflies

I've always been enchanted by the flittering, glowing lights of the fireflies that dot the night in the summertime.   Somehow even the humidity and hordes of gnats and mosquitoes that always accompany the the fireflies' arrival to the horizon, seems a little less oppressive when spent in the presence of the gleaming beauty of fireflies at dusk.   Their arrival each year never fails to remind me of the summers of my childhood spent in Minnesota when I would race through the low evening light with a jar carefully tucked under my arm, while I captured as many of the glowing creatures as I could get my hands on.   

Although normally not much of a bug-in-a-jar kind of girl, I remember being enamored with the idea of having a little glowing jar of fireflies on my dresser, envisioning the jar to become my own fairy-esque nightlight.  It took me several years to realize that enchanting though they may be while flying through the night air of my backyard, they lose a little of their shine indoors.    Eventually I stopped trying to capture their beauty in a jar and instead have tried to use the fireflies' arrival each year as a signal to slow down and capture beautiful new summer memories.   

And although it usually happens right when I'm trying to put them to bed for the night, I can't help but smile as I watch my kids happily traipsing through the yard, usually barefoot, while capturing their own summertime memories.   

For anyone who wants to introduce a young child to the joys of fireflies (or recapture their beauty throughout the year), then I highly recommend the very enchanting book,  The Very Lonely Firefly, by Eric Carle.  The story is simple and repetitive (perfect for young children) and I never tire of watching their faces light up with  delight and surprise when, on the last page of the book, little electronic lights light up the fireflies' bodies in a flittering pattern that reminds me of a summer night.  :)

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"At the end of the day, when the wind dies,

The dusk goes wrapped in fireflies—

Clouds of sparkles that flit and pause,

Darting jewels on wings of gauze.

Dusk is loveliest of all,

With these live twinkles on her shawl!"

                                                                                                                          Ethel Jacobson

Trusting the Lord

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." 

As a teenager, this verse in Proverbs became one of the first scriptures that really resonated with me.   I don't remember what teenage stress I was going through at the time, but whatever it was, this verse brought me comfort and hope that there was a higher plan at play.  

Since then, I have not only committed the words of the verse to my own memory, but I've also taught it to my children from a young age.  Although most of them can recite it word-for-word, I'm not sure that it really means much to them at this point of their lives.  In fact, although I've considered the verse to be somewhat of an unofficial mantra for my own life, I truly didn't fully grasp the meaning of it myself until the last couple of months. 

It's one thing to be able to say that I trust in the Lord and his plan when life is relatively uneventful and the hard things are mostly happening to other people. But when those paths involve  your family life being turned upside down and watching your child endure painful treatments for a life-threatening illness, suddenly trusting the Lord  and letting him direct our paths seems a lot harder.  As much as my heart wants to trust, it's hard to make my brain understand why Spencer and our family have been set on this new path filled with heartache, fear, and pain.    While that old path seemed tedious at times, I've found myself longing for it more and more lately. 

Then I wonder... what if God had left us on that old path? 

Although I'm sure I would be a lot less tired than I am, I also surely wouldn't know the depth of my compassion for Glen.  We've been like two stars passing in the night lately and although it's achingly lonely sometimes, my love for him has deepened as we've struggled separately, but together to try to keep our family strong.

Nor would we know the extent of the generous and loving community that surrounds us.  We literally have been flooded with kindness, meals, gifts, notes, conversations and acts of service from the beginning moments in this journey and that outpouring of love has touched the depths of our soul in a way that we will never forget.   

Nor would I have an inkling of the comfort we would feel as we hear of children, loved ones,  and people we barely know all over the world praying for our son and our family to be buoyed up.  The power of those prayers sustain us through our most difficult days. 

Nor would we have known the strength of the ties that bind families together.  Cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, sisters, and brothers all binding together for one cause is a powerful force and them reaching out in love has meant the world to us. 

Nor would  I ever have known the strength, maturity, and uncomplaining optimism that our sixteen-year-old son possesses.  We seriously had no idea.   

Lastly, if we had not been put on this new path I would not understand the solace I would find in God's plan and in his restored gospel.


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UPDATE:

His ANC is rising (about 160) and we are hopeful that he may be able to come home for a few days this week. 

In the meantime, Spencer has become one of  the nurses' easiest patients.  He still needs antibiotics and vitals a few times a day, but otherwise spends most of his time  unhooked from the IV tower. 

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We will go forward, trusting in the Lord with all our hearts; and leaning not unto our own limited understanding.  In all ways we will try to turn to him in good times as well as the challenges in our lives, and he shall continue to direct our paths and bless and comfort us every step of the way. 

Thoughts on Being Strong...

What does being strong even mean? 

I used to think that being strong meant dealing with problems with as little help as possible.    As I've aged though, I see that true strength is so much more than that.  True strength is meeting your problems head-on,  relying on God, accepting the help you need, and putting one foot in front of the other day-after-day-after-day-after-crappy-day....through the pain, the tears, and the heartache.  Although putting one foot in front of the other isn't all that glamorous, and certainly doesn't feel like flexing our strength, but it's what propels us forward. 

I've heard the well-meaning phrase, "You're so strong," spoken to me countless times since Spencer's diagnosis and yet even after nearly 2 months, I still never know quite what to say in response.    Denying it or trying to express how I feel about it, usually ends up in an embarrassing stumble on words.  Giving credit to God or our magnificent support system is apt, but usually a little heavy for these conversations, which often occur in fleeting moments.   So usually I simply say,  "Thank you,"  blush a little, and wish that I was better at verbally expressing what is in my heart.   

Our family's current bout with adversity is of the very public life-and-death sort, but I see people all around me struggling just as mightily as us with their more garden variety trials.  I don't use the term "garden variety" to diminish the impact those trials have on their lives, but rather that what they are going through is perhaps less noted by the outside world than a child having cancer.    I have friends with young children whose husbands are deployed overseas for several months at a time.  And others that struggle with crippling anxiety or depression.  I know people who have their own chronic health issues, where they wake up each day and hope that today is a day they feel okay.  And others who are raising kids with time-consuming special needs.  Still other friends are struggling with their marriages.  And others are still healing from past hurts.   These struggles may be lesser known or sometimes completely hidden from other people,  but I believe require every bit the day-to-day mettle to overcome.  Maybe even more so, because they may be facing their own living hells in a much lonelier fashion than we are. 

Not to oversimplify the trials of life, but I firmly believe that God will not ever heap upon us more than we can bear and we know we are strong enough to endure simply because we're facing it.   

What is strength?  Strength is inside of each of us.

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UPDATE:  

• Spence has been prescribed an appetite stimulant to try to get him to beef up while he's feeling good.  Weirdly, they had to check and make sure he wasn't allergic to marijuana before giving it to him.  

• ANC is still 0, but, like yesterday, other aspects of the blood are moving in the right direction!  If all goes well, we're hoping for a trip home sometime next week!  

• We're touring the National Children's Medical Center's transplant wing tomorrow. 

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"It is often in the trial of adversity that we learn those most critical lessons that form our character and shape our destiny."
                                                                                                                               --Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Homeschooling FAQ's

Over the last few years, I've had a lot of people ask me about our decision to homeschool our children for 8th grade.  It's a rather drastic choice and while most people have been supportive, it's also somewhat controversial.   Of course we did not endeavor into such a decision without a lot of research and prayer and over the course of the last few years we have felt very inspired that it is the right thing for our family.  Recently a friend of mine asked me some specific questions to help her as she decides whether to homeschool her own daughter for 8th grade and since  other people have been asking as well, I thought I'd compile a list of the things that I've been asked most frequently:  

 
Why 8th grade?
For a number of reasons, we felt like if we were only going to homeschool the kids for one year, then the eighth grade year was ideal.  My first main reason for this decision is that for the most part the year is off their high school record, so that I don't have to explain the holes in their transcript (see exception below) when they're applying to college.   Secondly, we felt like it was their one last year before heading off to the crazy world of high school, and we wanted to give them every opportunity to strengthen themselves within the walls of our home before then.  Lastly, both Spence and Cami had gone to their seventh grade year at middle school before homeschooling for 8th grade, and frankly for various reasons both of them were very excited to have a year "out of the system".   While neither one of them had had bad experiences, neither one of them were such fans of the middle school garbage that goes on either.  And that brings me to my last big reason...middle school is kind of  a yucky, transitional time in many kids' lives and once again, we felt that a year of a positive strengthening experiences in our home was infinitely better than the negative environment of a middle school. 

 Many people we've met in our homeschooling ventures, homeschool for all of middle school.   With our younger kids at home, we didn't feel like that was the right thing for our family, but now that my baby is in school, I may consider that for the future (if the younger kids are game for it). 

Doesn't the middle school need their positive influence?
Of course it does, BUT not at the detriment of tearing my kids down along with them.  Once again, we absolutely felt strongly that bringing them home for a year was  exactly the preparation they needed to be the best positive influences possible going forward into their high school years and beyond. 

My child doesn't want to homeschool, but I think it would be best.
I personally do not feel like it would be a very successful experience if your child is resistant to being homeschooled, even for just one year.  My advice is to suggest homeschooling as a possibility for a year or two in advance of when you're considering it, then take opportunities to regularly point out the fun advantages that homeschooling will offer them (field trips, no late night homework, etc). 

In addition, to increase their excitement level of staying home for a year, we also promised our kids a fun trip sometime during the year....a special trip that they wouldn't be able to do if they were in school.   Spencer went on a trip with my parents to the the Pacific Northwest through Seattle and into Canada.  Cami is heading to Denver in a couple of weeks with Glen...to visit his family and hopefully to catch  BYU in the basketball playoffs there.  

If despite your advance preparation and promise of something exciting, they are still resistant, then I would strongly advise you to reconsider your thought to homeschool.  Having a sullen, unhappy teenager at home for a year could be a very trying experience for both of you that may sabotage your efforts in strengthening them for the future.  If, however, you absolutely feel that it is the right thing to do despite their resistance, then I would plan on a month or two of decompressing and working on your relationship. 

I'm too busy, I'm not sure I can make it work.
I figure everything that keeps me busy...my church callings, PTA responsibilities, Ellie's health issues, etc....would be consuming my day regardless of whether I was homeschooling or not.  But if Cami were at school, my time with her would be short and rushed.   With her at home, in addition to her academic studies, she also gets some Real Life 101. 

My advice is to take a deep breath and be prepared to prioritize.  First off, while some people may argue with me, I do not feel like homeschooling should be designed to be just like a school day where they are trying to cram six subjects in a day, while you stressfully try to keep up with everything they're doing.  I firmly believe that one of the beauties of homeschooling is flexibility.  Math is something that needs to be done every day, or it can easily get away from you, but in my opinion, there is room for much flexibility in all the other subjects. 

When you think of all the down-time in a day of school...going from class to class, the teacher disciplining other students, taking attendance, the teacher answering questions that your child already understands...the actual amount of time spent learning is not that impressive.  I feel like Cami spending an hour-and-a-half doing her online, interactive science class geared to her specifically is every bit as effective (or more so) than 2-3 hour-and-a-half blocks of science per week at school. 

What about curriculum? 
There are a million things out there, but my strong suggestion is to not feel like you need to recreate the academic environment of school at home.  Take advantage of being at home and make it fun!  Math is math, but every other subject can be made exciting and interesting for both of you.  I won't go into great detail here (call or email if you have specific questions), but here are a few basic things to keep in mind. 

  1.  Homeschooling is not free or cheap, especially for teenagers.  You want them to have quality materials and exposure to uplifting ideals and you should expect it to be about as expensive as sending them to a cheap private school....but with a much more loving, committed teacher!  :)

  2.  I know I'm repeating myself now, but do NOT try to recreate school at home.  It will be too draining for both of you and will likely not be the fun, bonding year you're hoping to have.   Except for math, it is absolutely not necessary that they learn exactly what they would have had they been at school. 

  3.  Contact your high school and find out if there will be any potential conflicts with homeschooling for 8th grade.   Especially, discuss math, since many kids are taking high school level math by 8th grade.  Our high school needed to see Spence's Algebra work, in order for him to sign up for Algebra 2.  For this reason and because I was much more intimidated by teaching Geometry, we signed Cami up for a Geometry class at a local private homeschooling "school".  I liked that she was being taught by someone more knowledgeable than me and I appreciated that she would have a grade and plenty of proof (and proofs) to show the school.  

  4.  Network!  Before you even start homeschooling, find a local LDS homeschooling group, get on their email list, and start participating in their social activities.  As you go along, you will most likely discover amazing moms who teach classes to other homeschoolers.  My kids have participated in Shakespeare, Statesman, and cooking classes this way.  It's great for them socially, good for you to have someone to bounce ideas off of,  and also great for supplementing the curriculum. 

  5.  In order to ensure that their homeschooling day doesn't dissolve into time wasting, we make the hours that they would normally be at school (8-3) a time set aside for their development....without TV, computer, or sometimes even pleasure reading since I have a few bookworms.   It doesn't necessarily that that block of time is super structured the whole time, but I want them to understand that their time at home is meant for  their strengthening and development, not to have extra time to waste. 

What are some of the coolest parts about homeschooling?
This list could be a mile long, but here are a few of my favorites:

  Low stress.  No more staying up until the wee hours trying to get a project done.  With even a somewhat concerted effort, they can easily complete all their work in a couple of hours each day, leaving the rest of the day open for developing talents, friendships, reading, helping around the house, exercising, etc. 

  Developing talents:  This is one of my favorite parts about homeschooling...the opportunity to explore their talents like music, cooking, sewing, etc. in much greater depth than they could if they were bogged down with a full day of school and the ensuing homework. 

  Working on goals:  Along the same lines as the previous  one, when their school work is all done in the first few hours of the day, guess who has plenty of time to work on Personal Progress, merit badges for Scouts, and any other goals they have set for themselves?  No more excuses! 

  Specific training:  You really want to teach them about how to balance a checkbook or make and keep a budget or learn how to plan a well-rounded menu and haven't had time yet?  Homeschooling provides the perfect opportunity to sneak in teaching about all those practical skills you've been meaning to teach them, but struggle to find the time for during the school year. 

  Family relationships strengthened:  I love to see the special bond my 8th graders develop with their younger siblings during this time at home.  The bond is not only between them and any preschoolers that happen to be home with them, but because their lives are less stressful and jam packed than previously, they also have more to give to their other siblings as well.  It really has been a wonderful blessing to our whole family. 

In addition, there's also the bond between parent/child that invariably is strengthened as well.  Part of it's just the sheer quantity of time spent together, but it's also the special little things that we do together through the year...the Friday lunches out, the inside jokes, the shared dinner preparations, and the fun shared experiences. 

What are some of the disadvantages of homeschooling for a year?  
Probably the hardest part of it for me is the lifestyle change that it entails.  I was used to having preschoolers around all day, but it's totally different dynamics with a teenager in the house.  In many aspects it's easier than having a preschooler, because they can be left alone for a time, they're a little more self-motivated than a preschooler, and don't need to be entertained all day.  On the other hand, teenagers don't take naps or go on playdates and it sometimes can be draining to have them there all the time.  On the flip side, it could be just as challenging, if not more so, for the teenager who is suddenly at home all the time.  I suggest finding social groups and classes to get the involved in, for your sanity and theirs.  

What about sports?Our district does not offer middle school sports anyway, so this was not an issue for us.  We just had them participate in the community sports' leagues. 

What would you change?
Not much....maybe go on more field trips and be better organized. 

Any last words of wisdom? 
Be prayerful, be prepared,  be flexible, and have fun! 

Of Things that Matter Most...

I needed this reminder tonight: 

"...we would do well to slow down a little,

proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances,

focus on the significant,

lift up our eyes,

and truly see the things that matter most." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

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The inspiration for this post: 

Disclaimer:  There is no need to question my sanity...there was safe, solid ground just a few feet below where Cami sat on that ledge at the Grand Canyon.