Monday, March 12, 2012

Trusting the Lord

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." 

As a teenager, this verse in Proverbs became one of the first scriptures that really resonated with me.   I don't remember what teenage stress I was going through at the time, but whatever it was, this verse brought me comfort and hope that there was a higher plan at play.  

Since then, I have not only committed the words of the verse to my own memory, but I've also taught it to my children from a young age.  Although most of them can recite it word-for-word, I'm not sure that it really means much to them at this point of their lives.  In fact, although I've considered the verse to be somewhat of an unofficial mantra for my own life, I truly didn't fully grasp the meaning of it myself until the last couple of months. 

It's one thing to be able to say that I trust in the Lord and his plan when life is relatively uneventful and the hard things are mostly happening to other people. But when those paths involve  your family life being turned upside down and watching your child endure painful treatments for a life-threatening illness, suddenly trusting the Lord  and letting him direct our paths seems a lot harder.  As much as my heart wants to trust, it's hard to make my brain understand why Spencer and our family have been set on this new path filled with heartache, fear, and pain.    While that old path seemed tedious at times, I've found myself longing for it more and more lately. 

Then I wonder... what if God had left us on that old path? 

Although I'm sure I would be a lot less tired than I am, I also surely wouldn't know the depth of my compassion for Glen.  We've been like two stars passing in the night lately and although it's achingly lonely sometimes, my love for him has deepened as we've struggled separately, but together to try to keep our family strong.

Nor would we know the extent of the generous and loving community that surrounds us.  We literally have been flooded with kindness, meals, gifts, notes, conversations and acts of service from the beginning moments in this journey and that outpouring of love has touched the depths of our soul in a way that we will never forget.   

Nor would I have an inkling of the comfort we would feel as we hear of children, loved ones,  and people we barely know all over the world praying for our son and our family to be buoyed up.  The power of those prayers sustain us through our most difficult days. 

Nor would we have known the strength of the ties that bind families together.  Cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, sisters, and brothers all binding together for one cause is a powerful force and them reaching out in love has meant the world to us. 

Nor would  I ever have known the strength, maturity, and uncomplaining optimism that our sixteen-year-old son possesses.  We seriously had no idea.   

Lastly, if we had not been put on this new path I would not understand the solace I would find in God's plan and in his restored gospel.


His ANC is rising (about 160) and we are hopeful that he may be able to come home for a few days this week. 

In the meantime, Spencer has become one of  the nurses' easiest patients.  He still needs antibiotics and vitals a few times a day, but otherwise spends most of his time  unhooked from the IV tower. 

We will go forward, trusting in the Lord with all our hearts; and leaning not unto our own limited understanding.  In all ways we will try to turn to him in good times as well as the challenges in our lives, and he shall continue to direct our paths and bless and comfort us every step of the way. 


Ashley said...

Thanks (as always) for your posts. I need to trust in my Heavenly Father's plan more and I appreciate your example and insightful comments.
Hopefully I'll get the chance to meet all of you and spend more time with you one day! My heart and thoughts are with you!
Good luck on your radio interview today, Lara. I'm sure it will be great!

K said...

I've always liked that scripture! I don't understand why you have to be on this new path now, but clearly you are already starting to understand the Lord's purpose.

You are always in our prayers Lara! I can't tell you how much I love it that my kids always pray for Spencer. Anytime, one of them forgets, the other reminds and they pray again just for Spencer.

Marc and Miriam Deru said...

I love you! I love your family! It makes me cry to think of how much you are going through right now. You're always in my thoughts and prayers.

You are one of the wisest, most talented, practical and warm mothers and friends I know. I love your cooking blog and use your recipes several times a week. I think of you and your family every time I do! Thank you so much.

And thank you for this post-- it reminds me how I felt when my Dad was sick. There are pretty intense, scary moments and a lot of great ones, too. But over all, you sure know Heavenly Father is watching out for you and has a plan. We love you!

Anonymous said...

Wow Lara, beautifully written! This has been my verse that I've been clinging to right now to help me get through a trail I'm going through. simple, yet so hard to do in a storm! I loved how you focused on the blessings that you would've missed otherwise. May God continue to bless you & your family!

Annette said...

Reminds me of a poem by Robert Browning Hamilton called, "Along the Road"

I walked a mile with Pleasure
She chattered all the way,
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me!

K said...

So glad for good news! Woo-hoo! I'll be excited to see where Make A Wish sends you guys!

K said...

Oops that last comment was meant for a different post. HA! Silly me.

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