Trusting the Lord

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." 

As a teenager, this verse in Proverbs became one of the first scriptures that really resonated with me.   I don't remember what teenage stress I was going through at the time, but whatever it was, this verse brought me comfort and hope that there was a higher plan at play.  

Since then, I have not only committed the words of the verse to my own memory, but I've also taught it to my children from a young age.  Although most of them can recite it word-for-word, I'm not sure that it really means much to them at this point of their lives.  In fact, although I've considered the verse to be somewhat of an unofficial mantra for my own life, I truly didn't fully grasp the meaning of it myself until the last couple of months. 

It's one thing to be able to say that I trust in the Lord and his plan when life is relatively uneventful and the hard things are mostly happening to other people. But when those paths involve  your family life being turned upside down and watching your child endure painful treatments for a life-threatening illness, suddenly trusting the Lord  and letting him direct our paths seems a lot harder.  As much as my heart wants to trust, it's hard to make my brain understand why Spencer and our family have been set on this new path filled with heartache, fear, and pain.    While that old path seemed tedious at times, I've found myself longing for it more and more lately. 

Then I wonder... what if God had left us on that old path? 

Although I'm sure I would be a lot less tired than I am, I also surely wouldn't know the depth of my compassion for Glen.  We've been like two stars passing in the night lately and although it's achingly lonely sometimes, my love for him has deepened as we've struggled separately, but together to try to keep our family strong.

Nor would we know the extent of the generous and loving community that surrounds us.  We literally have been flooded with kindness, meals, gifts, notes, conversations and acts of service from the beginning moments in this journey and that outpouring of love has touched the depths of our soul in a way that we will never forget.   

Nor would I have an inkling of the comfort we would feel as we hear of children, loved ones,  and people we barely know all over the world praying for our son and our family to be buoyed up.  The power of those prayers sustain us through our most difficult days. 

Nor would we have known the strength of the ties that bind families together.  Cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, sisters, and brothers all binding together for one cause is a powerful force and them reaching out in love has meant the world to us. 

Nor would  I ever have known the strength, maturity, and uncomplaining optimism that our sixteen-year-old son possesses.  We seriously had no idea.   

Lastly, if we had not been put on this new path I would not understand the solace I would find in God's plan and in his restored gospel.


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UPDATE:

His ANC is rising (about 160) and we are hopeful that he may be able to come home for a few days this week. 

In the meantime, Spencer has become one of  the nurses' easiest patients.  He still needs antibiotics and vitals a few times a day, but otherwise spends most of his time  unhooked from the IV tower. 

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We will go forward, trusting in the Lord with all our hearts; and leaning not unto our own limited understanding.  In all ways we will try to turn to him in good times as well as the challenges in our lives, and he shall continue to direct our paths and bless and comfort us every step of the way.