The Curse of the Evil Bike Rack

Looks innocent enough, eh?
Watch closely what happens when taking groceries out of the trunk...


Out of sight, out of mind...
Doo de doo de doo...just SLAMMING the trunk shut.


"AAAAAAH!" Where the heck did that come from?



Oh the pain!

The agony!

My shoulder, my head, my arm!

*********************************************
True story FIVE times over!

The victim four of those times...ME! Don't tell me...I know I'm a slow learner.

The fifth victim...my poor, unsuspecting sister Kristina who left our house with a big enough bruise that California social services accused me of beating her up (I told them not to worry and that I haven't done that in like 20 years or so).

So after all this violence I'm issuing Glen an ultimatum...either he starts riding his bike or that evil contraption is OUT OF HERE!

Disclaimer: All actors were semi-willing participants who would never have agreed to pose under normal circumstances, but since they felt a certain amount of guilt for the pain and agony suffered by the poor, innocent camera woman they decided it was the least they could do to humor her.

Finally...I'm Famous!!!

My whole life my name has been misspelled, mispronounced, and rather maligned altogether. I grew up with a little bit of a complex that I could never find anything personalized with my name. I would obsessively check every keychain, mini license plate, and necklace rack wherever I went in hopes that somehow instead of the racks filled with Heather, Jennifer, Lisa, and Kimberly merchandise I would magically find that some buyer had happened to order the 786th most popular name that week instead.

Alas my secret wish has never come true, but it's okay. I'm totally over that.

Do I still check those racks now and then just in case? Uh, of course...and I fully admit that I would still totally buy whatever it was I found, even a shot glass, just to satisfy my life-long desire.

However, I did feel a little smack of satisfaction this week, when I did find my name in print...right with the name Kim.


Never mind that it was on a 2nd grade math worksheet. I'll take what I can get.

What's that blur?

Holy cow! What was that blur?

Is it a cheetah? A supersonic train? Maybe me frantically trying to finish my Christmas shopping?

No, it's Cami the amazing warp speed wonder running in her third 5K race as a part of the innovative "Girls on the Run" program.

Her school started a chapter of the program last year and has made me their biggest fan!

It's given her:
Confidence
Stamina
New friendships
Good fitness habits
...and it's renewed my interest in running as well.

You probably don't ever want to ask me about it...because I'll stop talking sometime next month.

Grandma's Snowflakes

Meet Grandma Hepworth: She's 93 years old, the mother of 11, grandmother to 60+, and great-grandmother to many more!

Often in my years as a mother I've been inspired by her courage and faithfulness in raising eight daughters and three sons on a farm in the mountains of Wyoming. She nurtured them, taught them, loved them, and worked tirelessly side by side with my grandfather taking care of the farm...all with a happy heart. Her cheerfulness even into widowhood, arthritis, and oxygen tanks encourages me to have a greater appreciation for wherever I'm at in my life. She is an amazing lady in every sense.

Although lazy and untalented in comparison, I like to think I inherited my love for creating things from her. She sewed, crocheted, and knitted countless beautiful creations. Then selflessly shared them with her children and grandchildren (and remember there were A LOT of us).


My two boys have each worn this same hand-knit sweater, that had in turn been worn by each of my four brothers before. And it's still in perfect shape.


And check out these gorgeous handmade crocheted snowflakes. Notice how each one is unique.


I treasure each one and love the memories they bring to my heart each Christmas time. Memories of my grandmother, memories of her love and devotion to her family, to sharing, and to the gospel.

We love you Grandma!

Holiday Gift Guide 2008

I'm always searching for fun, unique gifts for my family and so this year I thought I'd make a little guide and share with you some of my best finds! Each item contains a link to a site where you can place your order. I'm not too worried about spoiling anyone's surprises, since based on the number of comments they leave no one mentioned here actually reads my blog very often anyway.

1. For Pete and Mika:
Tired of Pictionary, Trivial Pursuit, and Monopoly? Here's a fun family game called "Gassy Gus" that's sure to entertain your family for hours. Players use food cards to force their opponents to pump Gassy Gus's head up and down. Each pump inflates his belly a little more, until finally Pete (oops I mean Gassy Gus) blasts gas. Nose plugs not included.

2. For Nate:
This essential kitchen gadget is perfect for the young singles on your shopping list. It brings new meaning to the word gourmet, taking the humblest of dinner foods and making it into a delectable delight--all without the use of a microwave! If you decide you need one of these inventive gifts for your family click here to order the pop-up hot dog cooker.

3. For Matt:
This classic gift is for the party animals on your list...you know the one who presses snooze 47 times each morning before getting up. Presenting the one and only tantrum throwing alarm clock! This little beauty pounds its fists and shouts for you to wake up in a whining voice (no it's not one of my kids for sale). And don't even think about pressing snooze--the more you press it, the louder and more annoying it gets.


4. For Kristina:
For the fitness enthusiast in your life. For me that would be my sister K. She has lost 50 lbs. in the last several months and even still she continues to be an inspiration to the rest of us with her daily work-out schedule! Feeding on her healthy zeal I just know that when she sees this product to help get her pet fish into shape too, that she will just be so excited that it might make her buy a pet fish.

Watch the video for a demo.




5. For Glen:
This gift is an essential item for the golfer in your life. Notice that this guy in the picture just looks like he's shining his club...but in actuality he's peeing straight into the hollow shaft of UroClub, a fake golf club designed by a board certified urologist! Never again will your golfer have to stealthily steal away to the woods for a little relief. It's discreet, sanitary, and easy to clean (his job, not mine). A woman's version is now being developed.
Hurry place your orders now...only 17 more days to go!

Sure cure for a bad day ...

Having a bad day? Ellie has the magic cure.

Ellie's version:

Cry, cry, and cry some more. Stop crying in 2 seconds flat when you lay eyes on your friend Bradford. Calmly suck your thumb through an entire concert.

Shriek in delight when you get to meet Dora.

Shyly meet Santa and Mrs. Claus and whisper repeatedly, "Polly Pocket. I want a Polly Pocket..."

Walk back in the door at home and pick up on the crying jag right where you left off.

Add in a little carrot cake and a nap and it's a guaranteed success.

It's going to be a long day...

How is it that every single one of my kids has woke up on the wrong side of the bed on the same day?

I shall not covet, I shall not covet, I shall not covet...

..I shall not covet that my neighbors that live a mere stone's throw away from us in the town limits get their leaves sucked up from the curbside by big, burly men in trucks...
while we spend hours and hours stuffing them all into expensive clear bags...
after hours and hours spent raking in the first place...
raking up a backyard so filled with trees that we can't even grow grass...

I sure hope that tenth commandment isn't important as the rest.

Golden Nuggets of Six-Year-Old Wisdom

Actual Conversation with Adam:
Adam: "Mom, some kids have been farting in my class at school."

Me: "We don't say 'fart' in our family. Could you please use 'toot' instead?"

Adam: "But they weren't tooting, they were farting."

Me (quizzically): "Huh? Is there a difference?"

Adam (in exasperation): "Yes! A toot is a smelly thing that comes from back there (pointing) and a fart is a noise you make with your armpits."

So there you have it...I learn something new every day.

Maid Service

Hired help is hard to find these days. Believe me I know. I've had the same cleaning team cleaning my house for the last decade or so, and after many years of ups and downs they just now have started to do a pretty reasonable job for the price [most of the time anyway].

Recently they had someone new join the cleaning team. I was a little skeptical at first when she came to me begging for a chance to scrub our hall bathroom, but when she told me her price I decided it wouldn't hurt to give her a try.

Imagine my surprise when this newbie jumped right in scrubbing the toilet, shining the sink, and scrubbing the floor without any instruction or complaint.

Her hard-work, enthusiasm, and cute accent won me over instantly and so it was with visions of a sparkling house that I hired the young lady on the spot!

Don't even bother calling...she's too busy cleaning our house.

I Feel My Savior's Love--Emma's Baptism Day

In addition to a fridge-less Thanksgiving spent with loved ones, we also had a very special occasion this weekend...Emma's baptism day.

So as not to inundate the blog with 40,000 photos of the day, I've compiled a few of our favorites into a short slide show with Emma's musical number as the soundtrack.

Wasn't that so pretty? I'm so glad that Emma inherited her musical abilities from Glen's side of the family.

Thanks to all of you who shared in our special day--Heather (all the way from MN), Pete & Mika (& family), Aaron & Trish (& Sylvie), Marilyn, and many wonderful friends. We are grateful for your love and support. And for those of you too far to come, we are grateful for your love from afar!

Help me Mr. President...

I need a presidential turkey pardon granted--PRONTO !

May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with lots of love, yummy food, and laughter! --gobble, gobble!

The Wrath of Old Mother Hubbard

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the fridge,

To give the poor children some milk:

When she came there,

The fridge was bare,

And so the poor kids had none.

Two days before Thanksgiving and my fridge looks like this! Grrrr.




And what about my oven?
Sure it's ugly, I'll give you that.

But when I went to the parts store today to get a new element for it they had to look up its model number on MICROFICHE! Remember those old things we used to do genealogy on? Apparently my oven falls into the "ancestor" file and it's still going strong, while our 3 year old fridge needs a new motor! Grrrr again!

Old Mother Hubbard

Went into Sears,

To give the workers a piece of her mind:

When she came there,

She kicked their behind,

And now the workers are scared.

HEHE! I always think I'm so hilarious at 11pm.

Stake Conference Defined

Stake conference /steɪk/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [steyk][kon-fer-uhns]:
--noun

1. an official assembly of clergy and laity, in a division of ecclesiastical territory, consisting of a number of wards presided over by a president and two counselors.

2. a time for wiping noses, propping up nodding heads, continually searching for something new and interesting to do that may have grown in the bag, trying to make room for two kids on my lap, stopping near constant squabbles over who had more right to my lap over the other, a child who kept singing along with the choir, calming a panicked child whose fingernail finally ripped off after hanging on by a thread for weeks, trying hard to keep the kids' antics from injuring the elderly women sitting next to us, lamenting not bringing snacks...

3. The longest two hours of my life!!!!