Friday, November 13, 2015

7 Surefire Conversation Killers

Ever stuck in a long conversation and just want to get out?
 Here are four surefire conversation killers I've perfected for you...guaranteed to work every time!  

1. Mention that you have five kids. 
This one doesn't work quite as well on fellow Mormons, but for the average gentile it works quite nicely.   They might politely ask how old the kids are and start rattling off all the reasons why they could never have a big family, but soon thereafter the conversation will fizzle like a dying sparkler dunked in a bucket of water. 

2.  Mention that you homeschool your kids.    
 Instant judgment!   I've been shocked at what an instant  conversation killer it is to mention homeschooling.  "I could never do that," is usually followed by a very ignorant comment about the lack of social lives my kids must have (or the slightly less offensive mention that their kids are too social to ever be homeschooled).   As if my kids are perfectly compliant anti-social beings!  NOT!   For the record, my kids are way more social now than when they were in school and had so little time to do anything other than sleep, eat, go to school, and do their stinking homework.  

3. Mention that your kid had cancer.  Or that one of them has epilepsy.   
There are a few people that have a curiosity about those types of things and will ask lots of questions (which I like answering), but for most people all conversation will magically cease shortly thereafter. Sometimes I tell myself that I should ban health-of-my-kids topics from conversations with most people, but it's a huge part of my life and I struggle trying to hide it away.  

4. Be naturally a little on the awkward side.
IN other words, conversations were  already challenging for me before I had reasons #1, 2, and 3 in my life, and now I've got all four.  

So basically that means that I can comfortably carry on a conversation  about a) today's weather b) your cute socks c) tomorrow's weather.

And that's about it.  



Matthew K said...

I only see 4 ways here! Lara, are you trying to cheat us out of the last three? How rude ;)

Lara said...

Uh, I did that on purpose....of course.

Matthew K said...

Well, you failed to kill conversation by so doing. Just sayin' ;)

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