Sweet Revenge with Crazed Wildlife

Picture this:

• 7 kids all happily playing at one house.

• Strange noise emanates from one of the bedrooms.

Eeee, Eeee, Eeee, Eeee!

• Hmmm, what could it be?

"Shhh, it's a cute little bird on our window sill. We don't want to scare it. "


"But I really want to open the shades and get a better look."
Squawk, Squawk, Hiss, Squawk!


"Oh look. It's so cute and it didn't fly away after opening the shades and gathering 7 people around it. Maybe it's making its nest here."
Hiss, Squawk, Eeee, Squawk, Hiss! Nope, no nest anywhere in sight.


"Don't you want to see my cute little baby doll, little birdy? Let me tap it against the window over and over again so you can get a better look."
Does he fly away now?

Nope that little bugger stayed right he where he was, looked Ellie in the eye, puffed up his feathers, and squawked as loudly as he could challenging her to a duel.

What are we supposed to do? Closing the storm window would be the obvious solution, but I'm frankly a little frightened of that small bird. I'm not that unsure that if I opened the window to shut the storm window, that he wouldn't charge me and peck my eyes out.

Although there are no eggs, no nest anywhere in sight, that bird is getting pretty protective of the window sill that just happens to be right over the head of our bed. It's been 12 hours and he's still there squawking and hissing loudly anytime anyone walks into our bedroom. Obviously we can't go on like this.

After racking my brain, I've finally come up with a completely satisfying, albeit only mildly plausible solution:

First thing tomorrow morning, I'm getting out the ladder to move him over to a new home. A home far away from us. One where he can aggravate and challenge someone far more deserving of cantankerous pestering all hours of the day.

[insert evil laugh here] Muhahaha!

Watch out rude Octo-Mom lady, you're getting a new alarm clock that ain't got no snooze button!