Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Dummy's Guide to Camping

1.  Thoughtfully and lovingly prepare high quality food to eat by the fire.  Or by the ignition at least.  

2. Arrive to campsite as late as possible.  It'll make your campsite choice much easier. Do you want to roll uphill or downhill?    Additionally, people tend not to bother you with conversation and pounding in stakes when you set up your tent in the dark. 

3.  Round off the aforementioned thoughtfully prepared meal with a well-rounded mass of roasted fluffed sugar sandwiched between chocolate sugar and graham flavored sugar.  And in case you're thirsty, there's even chocolate flavored sugar water that'll make your sugar high complete! 

4.  Go to bed and annoyingly tell kids to pee in their pull-ups so you won't have to traipse them to the restroom...again. 

5.  After approximately 3.4 hours of fitful sleep, wake up and stop equally sleep-deprived people who happen to be carrying small babies and walking large dogs and demand that they hold still long enough for you to ask 42 questions and smother the dog with loves. 

6.  Eat a breakfast of champions....spam and cheese bagels cooked by the Spam King are perfect!

7.   Make sure the whole world knows what your Christmas pajamas looked like, by wearing them long into the morning hours.  Heck, why even bother changing?  I heard footy pajamas are all the rage in Vienna these days. 

8.  Practice your pyrotechnics whenever possible. 
Paper in the fire...boring.  
Plastic in the fire....slightly more entertaining.
Glow sticks in the fire....awesome!  
9.  Pack up, go home, think about the laundry you should do, then take a quick nap.   

10.  Repeat exactly as outlined, every September for 12 years or so.  



Momma Nielson said...

Cute post! I will have to make sure the spam king reads it:)

bantcher said...

Boy that Spam burger looks good! Great post, and that's my kind of camping, even though it appears the camp/ignition-side dinner was not from one of the approved "4 restaurants of the apocalypse" (Chick-fil-a, IHOP, 5 Guys and 29 Diner).

The Spam King

Deanne said...

Sounds like the perfect camping trip with young children - quick and easy. I especially love the tip about eating out on the way to the campsite. Perfect! I think we could actually manage a camping trip like this...well, maybe.

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