Wednesday, January 16, 2013

New House Rules

We've recently had a few incidents around here that are causing me to rethink a few of our family's rules.   I usually try to go with the "less is more" philosophy on rule making, but in the interest of the well-being of our family I've decided not to take any more chances. 

1.  Thou shalt not let the leaf of the poison ivy plant touch thy face, nor thy eyes...lest they be smitten with a sore curse exactly like the sore curse that inflicted thine sister in days' past. 

2.  Thou shalt not retire to thy bed early and expect that the floors of thine abode will sweep themselves.

3.  Thou shalt not go to the doctor's office and expect that they will have the FluMist nasal spray, for in the day that thou goest shall be the day after they runneth out and only have flu shots administered with sharp needles.   And after the needle have poketh thy arm, it is kind, yay even saintly,  to thy mother to keepest thyself from engaging in half-hour long sobbing fests and near-faints. 

4.  Thou shalt heretofore remember that the steams  from the depths of a covered pot  can be hotter than hell itself and forethought should be taken to keepest thy body far removed from those cursed vapors that seek to destroy all in their path.

5.  Thou shalt not turn the station on the car radio and try to makest me hear thy music.  For insomuch that thou thinkest my music is boring, thine music smiteth mine ears from off mine face.  I ask thee is it good for mine ears to be smitten?  Nay, I say it is not good. 

6.  Thou shalt not steal thy mother's bathrobe from off of the hanger and think to use it for thine own purposes.  For thy mother's anger is kindled against those who causeth her to be left cold and dripping with only a damp bathrobe to covereth her nethermost parts.


Karey said...

Oh, Lara.... you seriously cracked me up with this one! Especially the part about your ears being smitten off your face! So funny!

Lisa @ Pulsipher Page said...

love it!

Steve-Rosanna said...

Absolutely delightful. Your creativity never ceases to amaze me. Thanks for the laughs!

Grandpa-Grandma said...

Ahh the agony of poor Spencer and Cami! Hope they both heal soon. How in the world does one encounter poison ivy in the depths of a North American winter???? Poor Spence.

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