Adjusting Back to Real Life and the Literal Worst Picture Ever Taken

 It's been nearly a month since we've been home from our grand European adventure, which means life kept  rolling forward while I kept blogging about our trip and I am a little behind here.  I know you all have missed the updates about our super exciting lives, but, never fear, I am here to get you all caught up again!   

We got back home right after the USA had switched to Daylight Savings Time, which effectively meant one fewer hours of jetlag to adjust to, but that little difference didn't seem that helpful in reality.  The day AFTER we'd gotten home (after sleeping in our bed for one night, but still feeling quite topsy turvy about what time it was compared to what time our bodies thought it was), I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror around 8pm (about 2am according to my body) and literally gasped in horror, then started cracking up.   I looked AMAZING!  😂😭😂😱😂 

 Haha!  I hope sharing this picture doesn't come back to haunt me, but this picture is a pretty accurate depiction of those first few days of being back!    It's okay to laugh...just remember the circumstances.  😆

So after a week mostly filled with laundry, shopping, getting back to cooking our own meals again, giving Denali extra cuddles, getting ready for book group at our house (2 days after returning), avoiding naps, and being completely exhausted every evening...we finally started to feel more "normal" again. 

What is normal?   

Well, we did a Belgium vs. Ireland chocolate taste test and unanimously agreed that Belgian chocolate wins.   We probably shouldn't have been surprised by that fact, but the Irish chocolate looked so tasty, we were a little surprised that Belgium won so handily.  

I spontaneously made a pie to celebrate Pi Day on 3/14, but it turned out about how you'd expect a pie made by a  jet-lagged /haggard / exhausted woman not following a recipe to look...

Luckily it tasted better than it looked and we had no trouble eating it.  

Speaking of food...while the adjustment back to making every single meal, every single day was a little rough, my body very much appreciated getting back to eating tasty, minimally processed foods again.  I especially missed my breakfasts while traveling, which are generally  hearty, wholesome,  and nutritionally dense.  This veggie filled omelet Glen made one Saturday morning was as pretty as it was delicious, so I had to take a picture!  😋😋😋😋😋😋

Glen worked some while we were on our trip, but definitely got a little behind and has been playing catch-up  since being home.  One night, Glen challenged me to a game of Scrabble, then got lost putting out a figurative fire at work, so Spence played with me instead.   Our kids do not enjoy  Scrabble the competitive way Glen and I play, so we played fast and loose with the rules.   

We didn't keep score and threw in a few proper nouns for good measure...but it was fun!   We'll have to play that way more often to get the kids to join in!

Since being home, Glen has been on not one, but TWO additional  trips--one for work and one to help with his Mom, who is in poor health.     And last week his "right hand man" at work just unexpectedly quit.    In other words...his stress level is high and I am hoping he is able to find his balance soon.  It's hard watching him feel so much stress and feeling helpless to do much, other than loving and supporting him.  

On a brighter note, Ellie recently started the second transfer of her mission and got a new roommate and a new companion in the process--a missionary roommate is a missionary who lives in the same apartment, but is in a different companionship. 

from left to right:  Hermana C. (Ellie's companion), Hermana P., Ellie, and Hermana W.

Anyway, she learned that Hermana W.'s family lives within sight of our house!   They're in another ward and relatively new to the area, but I immediately reached out and had her Mom over for lunch one day.  

It was delightful to meet a fellow missionary Mom and  we bonded over the fact that both of our daughters have had significant health challenges in their lives.  Her daughter has a prosthetic foot, which is much different than Ellie's epilepsy, but both indicative of strong young women overcoming challenges to serve the Lord! 💗 

Speaking of Ellie, she seems very happy on her mission.   

 

 It sounds like the Spanish is coming along decently well and it's made my Mom heart happy to watch her grow and stretch in this way!    She doesn't have a temple in her mission boundaries, but was recently able to attend the Los Angeles Temple, which was a highlight for her. 

Okay, okay.  I said I was catching everything up here, but I need to be done for today.   I am trying hard to keep things like blogging in balance in my life, so consider this catch-up post #1.  I anticipate an additional 1-2 more, before I'm back to blogging about more recent happenings.  

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!   THANKS FOR TUNING IN TODAY!  💗

Fourth Time Around

They say that the more you do something, the easier it gets, but I'm here to say that that is definitely not true when it comes to sending missionaries out into the world for 18-24 months!   We are on our fourth time around and perhaps the actual process of getting them physically ready is a bit easier, but certainly not emotionally.    And when I say, "emotionally," I'm not talking about her.  This girl was as ready as they come.  As with all of our other missionaries, she was very independent with the whole process of applying and submitting her papers.   With her epilepsy, she had a lot more hiccups and hurdles along the way than our other missionaries, but she navigated them with poise, patience, and independence.   By the time it was time to drop her off at the MTC (on New Year's Eve), she was excited and ready.  

Me, not so much.   With her being my baby AND having an ongoing health issue, it felt like an even bigger leap of faith to send her out into the world, than with her older siblings.   Having said that though, we couldn't be prouder of her decision to serve a mission.  We do not pressure our children to serve whatsoever.   They grew up knowing that Glen's mission meant the world to him and they certainly know they come from a legacy of missionary service (5 of my siblings, 1 of Glen's,  my parents, and many great-aunts, uncles, and great-grandparents), but we felt strongly that the decision to serve their own missions had to stem solely from them.   It's been a beautiful thing for us, as parents, to watch them as they've prayed, pondered, and ultimately made the decision to step away from their schooling and social lives to serve the Lord completely on their own.  

I'll be honest, it was a really hard goodbye for me, but I wouldn't have it any other way.     

I'm glad she is where she is and I know she's going to change lives!  💓

17 Years of Christmas Cards and our 2023 Card and Newsletter

After 16+ years of blogging, you might have noticed some trends here on the blog. For instance...though I have not a single shred of wit in real life, I sometimes think I'm wildly funny here on the blog and I post silly things that make no sense to anyone other than....me. Also, I have a real problem with using the blog as an outlet when I'm feeling upset or hurt. I usually end up editing or deleting those posts later, but a lot of you regular readers have probably seen a few of my PMS-driven rants pop up and then quickly disappear over the years. And last, but not least...almost every year I post something about Christmas cards and how much I love them sending and receiving them.

Sooooooo...in the spirit of all three of my blogging trends....allow me to rant about how annoying it is that I'm still not funny, still get PMS despite not having a uterus, which means I can't predict when it will hit anymore, and how I still get so dang obsessed with Christmas cards every single year. I literally work on getting the cards sent out before buying gifts a lot of years (like this one)!   

Here is a glimpse of this year's card....

With Adam being on a mission for the entirety of 2023, we never got a family picture, so this collage was the best I could come up with.

I had great fun creating this newsletter with a template I'd purchased on Etsy. In years' past, I've mostly created our newsletters from scratch on either Microsoft Publisher or Photoshop, but this year I needed a creative boost, hence the Etsy help. I was happy with the way it turned out.

Last but not least, I FINALLY got a bee in my bonnet to gather all of our Christmas cards and compile it into one big collage. I wasn't able to locate any from pre-2007, but with a good bit of sleuthing, I was able to find them all from the last 17 years at least.

Wow!  It was kind of crazy to see a little glimpse of all these years in one place.   From cancer, epilepsy, unemployment, the failing health and death of a parent, mental health struggles, to a wedding, a grandbaby, 11 years of homeschooling, 3 missionaries, 5 high school graduations, a whole lot of adventures, etc... these years represent A WHOLE LOT of stress, heartache, struggles, and also deep deep joy.

A closer look at previous years' cards: 
2025 (the red collage card and a SIMPLE SPOTLIGHT newsletter)
2024 (the simple card and the HAND-DRAWN newsletter) 
2022 (the card full of regrets and TMI newsletter)
2021  (the artistic card and NEWSY newsletter)
2020 (the covid update)
2019 ( the simple card and the SECRET FILES newsletter)

2018 (the super small airmail card and the ANNUAL REPORT newsletter)
2017 (the basic, but pretty fall leaf card and a  GAZETTE newsletter)
2016 (the Jefferson memorial card and the CANCELED newsletter)
2015 (the card with a pic from a Lord of the Rings filming site in NZ and funny CATALOG newsletter)
2014 (the card where we look a little disheveled and DICTIONARY newsletter)
2013 (silly mustache/pajama card and GAZETTE newsletter)
2012 (middle of cancer card and FAIRY TALE newsletter)
2011 (Alleluia silhouette card and GOOFY newsletter on the back) 
2010  (letter here) (the card where 2 of us were photoshopped and NUMB3RS newsletter)
2009 (the professional photograph card and the TRIFOLD CHURCH PROGRAM newsletter)
2008 ( card in fall leaves and WANTED POSTER newsletter)
2007 (my early attempts at graphic design card )

 

Thanks for coming along for the ride!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  

New Beginnings 2017

After 4-1/2 years as Young Women's president of my ward, there have been a lot of things that have gotten a lot easier as time as gone on.   For instance, big events, like New Beginnings and Young Women in Excellence.   They used to stress our presidency out to no end, but now they seem to come together with a lot less stress.  

 I think this year's New Beginnings was the best yet.  It had a theme of Ask, Seek, Knock.  The decorations were simple, but cool enough to have "wow" factor.   The girls really came through and did their parts well and I loved that the theme really came together and we all left that night feeling inspired about how to seek answers our questions.  

Here are the wonderful Young Women I have the privilege of serving ... 

Ellie was thrilled to be one of the newbies (girls that turn 12 this year),  which meant that she got introduced to everyone and got lots of special attention!   She is sooooooo excited to be a part of YW!  

It was also so cool to see Nicole (who was just baptized in December) be introduced too.   Her and Maria even dressed in matching dresses and were cute as can be together! 

I am blessed to work with these wonderful women.  They've been in the long haul with me and I am grateful for their great ideas, willingness to work hard, and friendship!  

Here's the introduction that Emma read about Ellie:   

(Ellie opted to have her skip the part about her seizures)

When Ellie turns 12 in a couple of weeks, she will become the first new beehive in our ward in almost a year and a half. Energetic, cheerful, and creative, Ellie is the youngest of the five Goold kids and as such is an expert when it comes to dealing with annoying older siblings and delayed bedtimes. She loves all Broadway music, but especially Hamilton. When she’s not listening to Hamilton songs, that means she’s probably SINGING Hamilton songs, perhaps while cooking herself a quesadilla or playing with her Legos. Ellie is a world traveler who has been to 13 different countries and about 40 states, but she still hopes to get to Florida and Australia someday too. One thing Ellie would like everyone to know is that she has a form of epilepsy that causes her to have frequent seizures that cause her to pause in the middle of what she’s doing. They’re nothing to be nervous about, but if you happen to notice one, just be patient, and when her seizure is done you can remind her what she was saying, and Ellie will pick right back up where she left off. Ellie is very comfortable talking about them, so if you’re ever wondering something about them feel free to ask her questions. Just remember to be nice and be patient. And, on a more light-hearted note, I’ll finish up with a funny story about when Ellie was young. When she was a baby, she loved to suck her thumb. One time we were visiting one of our cousins who is only a couple weeks younger than Ellie and they were both lying on a blanket on the floor taking a nap. A little while later we checked in on them and found that Ellie was wide awake and had wiggled her way around and was happily lying there, not sucking on her own thumb, but happily sucking on her cousin’s big toe. All the while her cousin was still soundly sleeping. I promise, though, that she hasn’t sucked anyone’s toes in about 11-½ years or so! We are so happy that after years of tagging along with Mom and me to mutual, that Ellie will finally be an official young woman later this month. Welcome to Young Women’s, Ellie!

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UGH!

June 15:  
It was a crappy day beginning to end.

My four hour sleep on Monday night caught up with me today, as did my monthly hormones.

It did not bode well for me.

I got the tire from Monday's fiasco fixed at Costco and when the cashier mentioned that the ambulance right outside the door was there for a customer who'd just had a seizure, I lost it.   It was an innocent comment on her part, but  I went to the car and cried and cried and cried some more.   My baby has not outgrown her epilepsy and maybe never will.

I'm sure there were more than a few teardrops on my groceries.

I finally pulled myself together and drove home.  Still I ended up having at least a half dozen more meltdowns by the end of the day for a sundry of reasons, some of them stupid, but most of them not.

I spent much of the day feeling very fatigued and very stressed, but did manage to drag my sorry, tired self to the park with Ellie for a bit.

Fresh air, sunshine, exercise, and Ellie smiles are always a good salve to my soul.   

Unfortunately  it wasn't quite enough to shake it yet.  



June 16:
 It was another bad day where I barely functioned and got caught in bad traffic to boot.

  

June 17:  I woke up today feeling MUCH better.    My mental state has improved immensely, my energy level was almost normal, and I actually got things done.

Cami's schedule for today
7:40-8:30am babysitting job
9-12 work for Marilyn
1-3 babysit
8-11  hang out with "friend"

WE had friends come over, I made homemade pizza, and Cami brought her "friend" to our house to play Telestrations.  

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The EEG

June 14:  After 6+ years of having dozens and dozens of absence seizures per day, the last few months Ellie's seizures have dropped to almost zero.   Even in Europe when our routines were off and she was often very sleep deprived, we hardly noticed any.   The neurologist was hopeful that she was finally outgrowing them (the normal course of her type of epilepsy).  This thought got us very excited and we started having grand visions of her having a normal EEG today and us starting to wean her down from her anti-seizure medication.  

Alas, it was not meant to be.   She still had at least two seizures during the procedure, which means that, yes, her medication is more effective than it's been in the past, but she still has childhood absence epilepsy and it's not time to wean her from the medication yet.  

<sigh>

After that it was time to go home and deal with the car.   Glen actually stayed home from work to help the process.    It was a looooooooooooooong day of ongoing car issues and other worries.   

In the meantime one of our favorite missionaries was in town visiting with his mom and asked to come visit.  We felt very honored that he would choose to come visit us and I was disappointed that I could not be home when he came.   

We love Elder Perkins!   

The evening  was one of extreme unpleasantness that I shall  refrain from recounting in this public forum.   Let's just say that it was rather hellacious and it, combined with my extreme lack of sleep from the night before, meant that I was not in my best form for dealing with it all.  

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7 Surefire Conversation Killers

Ever stuck in a long conversation and just want to get out?
 Here are four surefire conversation killers I've perfected for you...guaranteed to work every time!  

1. Mention that you have five kids. 

This one doesn't work quite as well on fellow Mormons, but for the average gentile it works quite nicely.   They might politely ask how old the kids are and start rattling off all the reasons why they could never have a big family, but soon thereafter the conversation will fizzle like a dying sparkler dunked in a bucket of water. 

2.  Mention that you homeschool your kids.    

 Instant judgment!   I've been shocked at what an instant  conversation killer it is to mention homeschooling.  "I could never do that," is usually followed by a very ignorant comment about the lack of social lives my kids must have (or the slightly less offensive mention that their kids are too social to ever be homeschooled).   As if my kids are perfectly compliant anti-social beings!  NOT!   For the record, my kids are way more social now than when they were in school and had so little time to do anything other than sleep, eat, go to school, and do their stinking homework.  

3. Mention that your kid had cancer.  Or that one of them has epilepsy.   

There are a few people that have a curiosity about those types of things and will ask lots of questions (which I like answering), but for most people all conversation will magically cease shortly thereafter. Sometimes I tell myself that I should ban health-of-my-kids topics from conversations with most people, but it's a huge part of my life and I struggle trying to hide it away.  

4. Be naturally a little on the awkward side.

IN other words, conversations were  already challenging for me before I had reasons #1, 2, and 3 in my life, and now I've got all four.  

So basically that means that I can comfortably carry on a conversation  about a) today's weather b) your cute socks c) tomorrow's weather.

And that's about it.  

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A Specialist for Ellie

Ellie is one of this blog's biggest fans.   She loves reading through the old blog books and thinks that a blogpost all about her is about as exciting as it gets.  She also loves to tell stories and  is begging me to start her own blog soon.  I'm not quite ready for that kind of commitment yet, but I am happy to shine the spotlight  on her for the day!

After having been through four different medications without success in the treatment of Ellie's  absence seizures, the neurologist just recommended that we take her to an epileptologist.   Apparently an epileptologist is a neurologist who went through years of  extra training to become an expert in epilepsy and seizures.   Since she's had negative reactions to two of her previous medications, I am hesitant to mess around much more with medications, but I am still quite interested to hear what an epileptologist has to say about her case.

In the meantime, Ellie is thriving being at home with me during the day.   Homeschooling is a great fit for her personality and I delight watching her learn at a pace that's perfect for her, then stretch herself in developing her interests and talents!

For instance, while we are learning about the Civil War in history, she has been carefully crafting an entire Civil War era community out of paper.   There are Union families, Confederate families, slaves, dishes, animals, food, buckets, houses, etc.  She has spent several afternoons (after her school work is done) coloring, cutting, and arranging them.  I feel like it's something she would  never have time for if she was at school all day, and it plays an important role in how she processes and learns these types of things.

 She has an incredibly long attention span for these kinds of activities and I am in awe at the sheets and sheets (at least 20 in full color) of people, furniture, and other objects she has designed and colored.  

She painstakingly cuts every item out and finds places for them in her community.  

Some of the details of what she's working on are minutely tiny. 

She talks about being a teacher when she grows up and it's clear that that is something that she would excel at, but I think she would also make a great author.   She loves stories--reading them and telling them!      Each one of the characters she has created  have a story of their own--stories of love, of war, of slavery.    It's a beautiful thing!  

Some other random tidbits about Ellie:  

She recently let Cami cut her hair.   She's not a huge fan of brushing her hair, so the shorter length makes it much easier for her to avoid mom's ever-annoying daily reminders for her to go do something with her hair.   

For Christmas she got Elsa and Ana clothes for her dolls, and  an Olaf toy.   She loves having her own Frozen characters now to play pretend with!    The blond doll was one I played with when I was a little girl.    

Here is a glimpse at the Christmas book she created and gave to the whole family: 

I don't have any pictures of it, but she also recently created her own endangered species horse museum, where you took a tour through the house and visited rare horse species.  She created the horses out of household objects and once again had a story for each one.   Her imagination and creativity are amazing! 

We sure love our Ellie girl!   

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About Me (updated April 2025)

This is me {in Hawaii}, holding my sweet granddaughter, Lucie!    

May 2022

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Hello, and welcome to our family blog!

I started this blog in 2007 at the encouragement of my family, who mostly lived far away, and wanted to keep up with the day-to-day "adventures" of us with our five kids.   I was one of the last of my seven siblings to start blogging, but am now one of the few who still keeps it up on a regular basis.  This blog has been my sanity through good and bad times, and I daresay that without it that I'd be a puddle on the floor right about now.  

Although the ultimate purpose of this blog is still simply to keep a record of our lives, I really have enjoyed sharing and connecting with other people in this way as well.   I am not a superstar at either, but I love photography and writing, and especially how I can use both together to tell a story!   I also occasionally think I'm wildly funny and you will see my silly humor shining through.  

   I am thankful to all of you who have stuck with me through the years, or those who are just joining in.    I love my family and I love blogging, and I'm glad you're here!  

See below for random facts about me  and some blogposts to help you explore this blog!    

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10 Random Facts About Me: 
UPDATED APRIL 2025

1.  I have been married to Glen for 31-1/2-years.

2.  I grew up in Minnesota, Glen grew up in Colorado. We met at BYU.

3.  We have five kids, ages 20-30, and two grandbabies that live way too far away

4.  We lived in the DC area (1997-2019), Pennsylvania (2019-2021), and now in Utah (2021-current).

5.  We are active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

6.  This blog is 18-years old now, which makes me feel old, but also grateful to have had nearly two decades of our stories collected into one place.     

7.  I am pretty low-maintenance and actually enjoy grocery shopping better than clothes shopping.

8.  I homeschooled all of my kids for at least a year--my oldest two only for a year in middle school and my youngest three for several years.   I was reluctant to begin, but embraced the homeschooling lifestyle full force after we got started and now have two college graduates!   Have questions about how to make it work for your family?  Feel free to reach out! 

 9.  I love to read and find that book groups are where I find "my people".  

10.  After suffering through some mid-life health issues, I have spent the last several years trying to find my healthy balance. It's a journey far more than maintaining a healthy weight and honestly I've never felt better!  

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Some links

UPDATED 2015

Why I blog?
What this blog means to me?
10 Random Facts About Me
Gratitude

About Spencer's leukemia:
Diagnosis
Telling Spencer
Glen losing his job the same week as Spence's diagnosis
The process of why we chose for Spencer not to receive a bone marrow transplant
Capturing leukemia in pictures
Trusting in the Lord
Removing the central line
Leaving the hospital 
Cancer's effect on our family (3 years later)

About Ellie's epilepsy:
Diagnosis
Seizure first aid
Difficulties at school
Ellie's heartbreak
Unstoppable

Homeschool
Why we homeschool all of our kids in 8th grade
 Why I decided to homeschool

Some Favorites:
My kids' favorite blog story
Life with Teenagers

Favorite picture I've ever taken
Top Ten Best-Loved Children's Books
My husband's least favorite blogpost 
How to plan a birthday party (Lara style) 
Our family's list of recommended books
My wonderful family
A few of my favorite products
Fun things to do in DC with kids
One of my kids writes a song
Things I've been accused of
Things I've never been accused of

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May 2022

Life 3 Years Later

This day three years ago, was the day we got that fateful phone call that Spencer had leukemia.   It marked the beginning of one of the most difficult times we'd ever faced as a family and I still dread this time of year because of some of  the negative memories that it brings back to me.  Looking back on it now, though,  I see with different eyes that it was also a time when we felt the nearness of God more keenly than we ever had before.   I don't pretend to know all the reasons why God allows these kinds of hardships into our lives, but I do know that we are never, ever left alone during them.  Besides feeling acutely that God was very aware of the details of what we faced, we were also enveloped in the love of an entire community around us.  I will ever be in awe at people's kindness and generosity that was showered upon us during that time and we could never even begin to repay all that was so freely and lovingly given to us.

Thank you!   Thank you!  Thank you!

I'd like to say that we're 100% better people than we were before Spencer got sick, but I have to face the fact that cancer did a number on all of us.   Besides gaining 30-lbs and turning my hair grayer than ever, we are a little more jaded and a little less optimistic than we once were.  Although  I've always known that bad things happen to good people,  when they happened to us it made us all the more  aware of how possible the  bad is.   It doesn't just happen to other people…it already happened to us.   I never have been a pessimist, but after getting the "worst" news once, it somehow makes every potential negative outcome  seem more likely than it did before.

Another thing cancer did to us was shake our confidence as parents.  I've heard so many people in my life saying, "As long as they're healthy," about their kids and we have one with  refractive epilepsy (Ellie), another with severe eczema (Cami), another that needs another eye surgery (Emma),  and one who had a life-threatening illness that continues to hang over him and alter the way he chooses to live his life (Spence).  So what if they're not healthy?  Being a mom who has always been very health conscious--breastfeeding for 12+ months, keeping them away from the tv and other electronics, cooking mostly from scratch,  choosing whole-foods over processed, and making sure they get plenty of time to play outside--realizing that our kids are not necessarily the picture of health as our society views it, has made us  have to make a huge shift in how we process the world and view ourselves.   I know academically that I could not have possibly caused all these health challenges that they're facing, but I still constantly battle the feeling that somehow I failed my kids.

And I have to admit that I am not the same mom I was 3-years-and-a-day ago.

  For instance, I attribute our decision to homeschool Ellie and Adam as a direct result of Spencer getting sick.  It made me realize that childhood is too short and I felt very acutely that I did not want to waste any more days with my kids at school all day with my only time spent with them jam-packed into the hectic evening hours. Especially with how exhausting school was for Ellie.     I had homeschooled Spencer just for 8th grade and I thought many times during his illness how glad I was for having done it.   I knew that no matter the outcome of his treatment, that I had had my year reconnecting with just him and I would have no regrets about the time we'd spent together.   Slowing down is exactly what we all needed and I am thrilled to have several years at home with the other kids!

Spencer getting sick also helped us put away the extraneous things in our lives that were distracting us and  helped us to focus more on what was important.  I mostly stopped food blogging while he was sick and I never could let myself get back into it, because I couldn't convince myself that it was something that mattered one iota in the scheme of mine or anybody else's lives.  Same now with Facebook and other social media.  Not that those things are bad, but that they were distracting us.  

In these past three years, I have been trying very hard to live my life more deliberately.  It's been a more difficult transition than I would have expected, because I am naturally quite an unorganized person with lazy tendencies, but I can't lie….it's better now.  I feel like instead of a wiling my way blindly  through the maze of parenting five kids, often with far too many things on my plate at once, I am more controlled, more deliberate, and more likely to say, "no," when it becomes too much.   I want to be present for my children.  I don't care how many activities we're "supposed" to sign our kids up for.  I don't care that people think we're crazy for pulling our kids out of school.   We are choosing  the path that is right for our family and my only regret is that it took my child having cancer to give me the courage to pursue it.  

While I would never want to relive some of things we went through during that time when he was in treatment, I can honestly look back and say now that our lives our deeper and richer for having lived through it.

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This Blog and What it Means to Me

To ring in the  new year  I thought I would try to encapsulate a little about what blogging means to me.  I started blogging more than 7 years ago and have been posting a couple times a week, almost without fail, since then.  Sometimes I  marvel that I  enjoy blogging as much now, if not more,  as I did when I first started.  Nearly all of my blogging friends have since fallen by the wayside, most of them posting only infrequently or in spurts and I wonder if there will come a day when I grow tired of it as well.  Yet, for now,  I still love to blog, even when I am tired, busy, and have nothing to say {sorry}.

I have gotten far more feedback (and notoriety) for my other blogs, but somehow slowly through the last couple of years they've started to  feel less and less important to me.  I still love to cook and I think it's great having all my favorite recipes in one spot, but I can clearly see that I have never actually contributed that much to the world of food.  Why do I need to push myself to post a new recipe a couple of times a week, when the vast majority of the recipes I post are readily available from other sources?  Most days I'm happy enough to scrape together a respectable meal for my family, and even the thought of trying new recipes on a regular basis, taking pictures of them, and taking the time to post them on the blog, just seems completely overwhelming to me .   Throw in the fact that the most popular recipes on my blog are consistently not even my own recipes, but those of my blog partners whose recipes consist of less than a tenth of the total recipes, and I am not sure that I'll ever be drawn back to blog about food regularly again.

I feel like my FHE blog is far more of a contribution of originality and good to the world wide web than my food blog ever will be, but alas it too has lost its luster.  In addition to not having enough time to devote to digitizing lessons or writing meaningful articles, I also just feel like I have less to say now than I used to.   I used to have  all these grand and idealistic ideas about raising kids and while I still believe what I wrote, now that my kids are growing up into wonderful, albeit imperfect adolescents, it somehow feels disingenuous for me to give advice on parenting anymore.  The older my kids get, the more I realize that every kid is totally unique and dang-it-all, I know all too well that there simply isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.   Other than loving them unconditionally and living the gospel every day, I think almost everything else about parenting is left open to individual inspiration.  And even when we give parenting our 1000% effort, the fact doesn't change that  kids will grow into completely their own people, who make their own choices, and while we can hope and pray that they incorporate a little of the wisdom we've gained through life experience  into their own lives;  we can't force them to.

This blog is different though. 

I know that what I post here normally isn't very earth shattering or probably even all that interesting to most people, but it's 100% me and it's a piece of sanity that I cling to.  I joke that it's my free therapy, but I'm not really joking that much.  I've always expressed myself better in writing than I do in person and writing about my life helps me to process it in a way that I don't do as comfortably or as thoroughly any other way.   And having a tad bit of an Eeyore personality (thanks mom and dad!), I appreciate that the blog helps me to put a more positive spin on things than my brain would do otherwise.   I've blogged my way through an awful lot of difficult experiences over the years--Ellie's epilepsy, Spencer's bout with aggressive leukemia, struggles with friends (mine and the kids'), emergency room visits, and numerous other "crises" and adventures that we've faced.   And this blog has helped me keep my sanity (at least at a minimal level) through it all.

Besides just being my outlet though, one of the other most meaningful aspects that I love about this blog, is what it means to my children.  I read a study one time that showed that children who feel a connection to their past, who know their family stories, grow up to be all-around happier,  healthier, and more successful people.  And family stories are one thing that my kids have in abundance!   They will know some of the silly, the boring, and  the serious that made up our days.  My only regret with the family blog is that I didn't start it any earlier as I would have loved to have had a better record from when the kids were younger.   Someday I hope to broaden the scope of our stories to include more memories from the past.

I know a lot of you readers originally came to this blog as a way to check in on Spencer when he was ill {thank you for your prayers and support!}.   Since he's been in remission, though,  I  sometimes wonder how there's anyone left besides my family who is even still interested in reading through the mundanity of our very average lives.   We're not rich.  We're not famous.  I am not a great writer or photographer.  I'm not full of creative ideas.   Pretty much I'm just an average mom, who just happens to really enjoy blogging about her family.

For all of you who have stuck around, thank you!  

Here's to many more adventures in 2015…one day at a time!


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An Open Letter to Health Evangelizers Everywhere

Yes, I'm talking to you.

The one who loves to post links on your facebook page about how some food or medicine cures or causes cancer. Or the "friend" who hadn't said boo to me in 20 years and felt the need to write me an impersonal note--not even taking the time to learn Spencer's name-- about what quack remedy I should use to cure his leukemia. Or the friend of my sister’s who in all seriousness told her to stop using antibiotics for a serious infection and rub oils on her feet instead. Or the regular comments, which I delete immediately, I get on any blogpost that mentions Ellie's epilepsy that tells me about which snake oil will cure her from all her seizures.

Can you please stop before you post next time and try to look at this from the other side of the coin first?

I hate to rain on anyone’s happy parade, but despite people's best efforts bad things can still happen and your constant ravings about how healthy/happy/perfect you and your kids are because of all the good things you're doing for them are hurtful to those of us who have kids who are not as fortunate as yours.

I love my kids just as much as you love yours and have always done what I thought was best for them. I breastfed each of my kids for 12-18 months, avoided giving them unnecessary medications, made their food from scratch, avoided artificial dyes and flavorings, and took them to the park instead of letting them play video games. And yet I still had a kid who was unfortunate enough to have cancer. Another one has uncontrolled seizures.

Did we cause their health ailments because I didn't see your barrage of well-meaning trendy health information soon enough?

NO! And your constant insinuations (even indirectly) that I coulda, woulda, shoulda done something different is counterproductive and hurtful. Do you think I don’t beat myself up enough wondering if we did something wrong to cause their ailments?

You have absolutely no idea what it feels like to be told that your son had a 25% chance of surviving the next five years with the best medication the world has to offer and yet you have the gall to tell me that chemo is unnecessary and that if we simply cut meat and dairy out of our diets that he would be healed. Feel free to go that route when someone from your family is on death's door, but please don't put that judgmental crap out there as fact and expect people to jump up and down with joy at the "good news" that if only they were as good a parent as you they could have been spared the pain of watching their child suffer.

And don't even get me started on essential oils! I actually have some and think they're great for minor complaints, but there are far too many zealots, most of whom also happen to sell them, who shove the religion of essential oils down the throats of anyone who crosses their way--especially people like me who have families with visible health issues. They proclaim miracles at every turn and then try to peddle me their overpriced wares. Natural or not, they did absolutely nothing for Ellie's seizures and my sister has a friend who is blind in one eye and undergoing a corneal transplant soon, because she ignored her doctor who prescribed something for a minor eye infection and opted to use essential oils instead.

I am not so naive as to not realize that the medical profession in this country is riddled with problems, but I simply do not believe that there is a cure-all for anything and to coin an overused, albeit apt phrase, that anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is probably selling something.

For the record, I am one who loves to share good news as much as the next person, but I personally believe that other people's health choices should be respected and that evangelizing should be limited to matters of eternal salvation.
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"And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."  

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Ellie

When we first noticed Ellie's seizures nearly three years ago, we were reassured when most of the information we read about her type of epilepsy (Childhood Absence Epilepsy) stated that it was usually easily treatable with medication and that most kids eventually outgrew their seizures sometime in adolescence.  Three years and a couple different medications later though, we are discouraged that she is still having dozens of seizures per day.  They interrupt her day at school and there are many common physical activities which are too dangerous for her (biking, independent swimming, gymnastics, and even walking near busy streets, etc).

Despite all that, the hardest part for her is that the older she gets, the more her peers notice the seizures.

For the most part, her friends have been very kind and understanding of her frequent lapses of unresponsiveness, but by the end of last school year people well beyond her circle of friends were starting to notice the seizures and draw attention to them.  I had the school counselor and teacher call me several times this past year to explain situations when fellow students started yelling at her or getting upset during a seizure wondering why she wasn't responding to them.  Towards the end of the year, her teacher recommended that we just tell the whole class about them, so that, like her friends,  they would know to just be patient and wait for the seizure to pass before expecting a response.   Ellie takes it better than expected, but it still grew to be an embarrassment to her.

With the intractability of her seizures with medication and the fact that they seem to be affecting her life more lately, we recently decided that it would be best to take Ellie to a new neurologist.  We were very happy with the new doctor and I appreciated that she the fresh take on her treatments.  As part of the work-up at the new doctor, she got an EEG.  One had been performed as a part of her initial diagnosis almost three years ago, but she hasn't had one since.

I was shocked at the number of seizures she had during the 45 minute EEG.  Not only did she have several normal-length (10-15 second) seizures, but she also had numerous 1-2 second seizures.  Ones that we probably would never even notice in the course of a day.

It was discouraging to say the least.

One thing it did do for me though, was that it gave me a resolve that it's time to do something new with her.  We had already been considering homeschooling her this upcoming year, but that EEG gave me the surefire knowledge that it's absolutely the right thing to do.

Up to this point her teachers have been very attentive to her and her needs, but still we feel that she is not thriving at school and the long days completely wear her out.  She comes home exhausted and we very much worry about her getting lost in these upper grades as expectations for student independence increase. I figure that even a distracted mommy with two kids at home can do far more to teach and be in tune to her students than a public school teacher with a class full of 20+ students, several of which also have special needs.  I am a tad nervous about the lifestyle change it will entail, but it's comforting to know that I have two enthusiastic students who couldn't be more excited about it.  (Adam was insistent that he not be left out of the fun and I figured that having a buddy at home would probably be good for Ellie, so he is staying home as well.)

Now the books are bought and the school district notified....stay tuned for awesome adventures ahead!


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Seizure First-Aid

Tonight I've put aside the light-hearted Christmasy post that I was working on, so that I can share with you some important information that is very near and dear to my heart.

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On my way into the courthouse this afternoon for Spencer to attend his official driver's licensing ceremony, Spencer and I noticed a woman on the sidewalk in the throes of a "grand mal" seizure.  I could see from a distance that the people near her did not seem to know what to do, so I ran to see if I could help.  

Although Ellie has never had a convulsive seizure, because of her epilepsy she is significantly more likely than the average person to have one someday and we have all had seizure training just in case.    This experience was my first time ever witnessing a grand mal seizure, but I was glad I was there, because it was very clear that I was the only one in the group that had gathered around her that had a clue what to do.   Someone was protecting her head, which is hugely important, but she was still on her back and struggling to breathe as a result.    As soon as we flipped her to her side and took out the object that someone had placed between her teeth, her breathing immediately evened out.  

In a couple of minutes she was fine and the ambulance arrived just as Spencer and I had to rush to the courtroom, where I was shaking and on the verge of a melt-down...partly from the adrenaline and partly with worry for Ellie and the seizure we pray she never has.   After gathering my wits,  I got to "enjoy" sad videos and scare tactic presentations geared for the room of new drivers.  Afterward they presented us with his license and we had a much calmer trip home. 

Later, after processing all that had happened, I knew that I had to write this post tonight.....for Ellie and for all the people out there who also have epilepsy or even for those children who have febrile seizures.  

Please take a few minutes and read through these steps about what to do if someone has a seizure.  If you have a bit more time, watch the video as well.   In just a few minutes, you can go from being the helpless bystander to the person who knows what to do in a potentially frightening situation.  

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SEIZURE FIRST AID

1.  Clear the area around them and protect their head by holding it slightly upward or putting an item of clothing underneath it to prevent them from banging their head on the ground.

2.  Roll them onto their side. 

3.  DO NOT place anything in their mouth (no food, no drink, no objects)

4.  Call 911 (unless you know that they have a history of seizures or in a person with a history of seizures if the seizure lasts longer than 5 minutes.)

5.  Stay and help them to remain on their side with their head protected.

6.  Note the approximate length of the seizure for emergency personnel. 

7.  Calm the person when they awaken, as they will likely be very tired and very confused.



This is the video we watched as a family to learn what to do.  Skip to the 5:00 minute mark to get to the important part.  Watching the video took a lot of the fear out of the whole experience for me, because I could visualize what to do and be less frightened by the actual seizure. 

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Ellie has "petit mal" seizures (officially called "absence" seizures) and they do not require any other first aid than making sure that she stays safe while she is non-responsive. 

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A Day at a Time

About five years ago, my brother talked me into starting a blog.  He convinced me of how cool it would be to be able to share pictures and stories with loved ones far away.  They could look at the blog when they felt like it instead of reading emails which would get looked at and forgotten.   We still had dial-up internet at the time and I was hesitant, but eventually decided to give it a try. 

It took publishing approximately two blogposts before I was 100% hooked.  I loved the way the photos and the words interacted together.   I loved that it was mess and cost free, unlike the scrapbooking I'd been doing up to that point.  I loved the fact that I had a way to share stories and photos as they happened.  And most of all, I discovered that I loved having writing and photography as creative outlets in my life. 

My blogging has changed over the years.  I've gone from "here's what we did today", to trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to be humorous, to starting the recipe blog, to sharing  parenting advice, to reminiscings of old-times, and to publishing FHE lessons.   Over the years, my blogging has become an important part of who I am. 

Then one day about a year and a half ago our little Ellie started having absence seizures.  In light of the current health issues our family faces,  it all seems so insignificant now, but at the time it really rocked our world and my thoughts on blogging.    For several months, the medications made her fatigued and grumpy and I had to pick her up early from school more often than not.  Suddenly she was a shell of the happy, talkative little girl she'd been before and we were sad as we watched her struggle.  (*see below for an update on her seizures)  

It was her diagnosis and wanting a safe place to share about it, that got me to split this blog off from the original.   Basically I wanted free license to be able to post boring updates on our family again and not feel like I was letting down all the people who didn't know our family who were coming to the blog for the lessons and articles.   

That was when, "A Day at a Time" was born.  I transferred all of the family related posts here and started fresh.  And it proved to be just what I needed.  Posting lessons and articles on the other blog has since fallen by the wayside, but it worked wonders in that I had a place to blog about our family again without trying to impress anyone.   My posts are often boring or silly, but they are 100% me and they are therapeutic for me to write.  Yearly we print the posts into books and have a wonderful family scrapbook/journal that will be a treasure for many years to come. 

When we learned of Spencer's leukemia, we briefly discussed starting another blog that would be just for him, but in the end we decided that since this was all a part of our family's journey and goofy blog address notwithstanding, we wanted it all to be in the same place...here on our family blog.   

Little did I know that day when I created this new family blog, shortly after Ellie's epilepsy diagnosis, how apt the title,  "A Day At a Time" would be.   Although we'd felt the wisdom contained in the title back then,  it's taken on an even deeper meaning for us the last few weeks. 

When I get overwhelmed or emotional, it's invariably because I've let my mind wander to our uncertain future.  But when I focus on being present in the here and now,  I feel gratitude for the beauty that surrounds me. 
                                    
The simple joy of being all together as a family for a few hours each Sunday for our traditional dinner at the hospital...


The joy of hearing my children's laughter ring through the halls of the hospital... 


And the joy of my teenage boy feeling well enough to tease me, the nurses, and his siblings (and aim a heparin shot at me)...



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Update

Spencer is  a little more tired than usual, but is still feeling and eating well. 

As per the new Sunday routine, the priest quorum met with Spence the third hour of church, taught a lesson, and gave us the sacrament. 

*Ellie still has many seizures a day, however they are now reduced in numbers and length.  The medication side effects have mostly diminished.  We feel like her seizures are in as good a place as they can be  and we are grateful for a patient neurologist who is working hard to find the right balance between controlling the seizures and minimizing the medication side effects.  With her diagnosis of Childhood Absence Epilepsy, it is likely that her seizures will be an ongoing issue for several more years before she outgrows them (hopefully).      

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"The happiest people I know are not those who find 
their golden ticket; they are those who, while in 
pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure 
the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. 
They are the ones who,thread by daily thread, 
weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout 
their lives. These are they who are truly happy."
                                                          Dieter F. Uchtdorf