Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Notification of Lawsuit

October 27, 2009

All Media Outlets of America + President Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500

To Whom It May Concern:

Enclosed is a copy of the lawsuit that I have filed against you in a court of law on October 27, 2009.

The reason the lawsuit was filed was due to your completely overblown reporting about the H1N1 virus that has induced a hysteria amongst the American people that could only be likened to the manic state of my children when dinner is 30 minutes late.

Ever since my husband and oldest son have become the hapless victims of the heretofore mentioned virus, my entire family has been unapologetically discriminated against day and night.

I'm tired of my perfectly healthy daughter's babysitting jobs getting cancelled because her brother is sick. I'm tired of people not wanting to see ME, because I might have germs on me.

Basically, you either need to make some kind of proviso allowing entire families to be able to put their lives on hold for the duration of the illnesses of the people around them OR pay me a trillion dollars.

I prefer the trillion dollars, but if you choose the first option I will expect you to buy and deliver my groceries to my house and clean my fridge while you're here, pipe in closed-circuit tv of the kids' school classes so they don't get behind (heck--you should help them with their homework too since I might have germs on me), build a playset in my backyard so we don't have to go to the park, an exercise room in my basement for me, a check for lost babysitting wages for Cami, and an in-home office for Glen.

I look forward to your response.




K said...

Hahahahaha! I really hope he picks the trillion dollar settlement so you can buy me a house in your neighborhood! Good one Lara!

Deanne said...

Sorry "the sickness" has hit your house. Hope everyone is feeling better soon...and your lives can just go back to normal!

Grandpa-Grandma Crain said...

Don't hold your breath. However, I do personally know a couple of pretty decent lawyers-should the need arise.

alexandra said...

Good luck!

Or better yet, have Glen and Spence sneeze on the letter . . .

Denise said...

lol! seriously. I am so sick of hearing about this. If you have even seen the stats you have to wonder what the fuss is about.

It's ridiculous.

Lynn said...

I'm so sorry some of your family's been sick. Good luck with that trillion dollars :) Hope it arrives ASAP.

Charlene said...

Sorry your family is not feeling well, but I love that you still have your humor in spite of the chaos!!

Mirien said...

Here's hoping that the rest of you don't become the next hapless victims! But I just want to know--is it as awful as they say it is?

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Hey- You should split that with me since we have passed this lovely virus to MOST of our football team. I mean honestly my doctor said, uh the virus is on the cart at target so being quarantined does no good either...Live Life...stop by peoples house with muffins...trust me. They will Thank you when its over!!!!!

PS...those ARE Blaine jerseys...Good Eye!!! ;)

annalisa said...

being sick stinks. hopefully they'll get better soon and the ones who have not gotten it will not get it.

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